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Author Topic: Just another sex talk...
beaver987
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Hi Scarleteen,
I've been best friends with my boyfriend for years and years. I can talk to him about anything and everything. We've had oral and manual sex but I was always nervous to have vaginal. We were talking about sex in general today, and I want to have vaginal sex SO bad. I completely trust him and love him to death.

Of course, we have pregnancy as an issue. My cousin is sexually active. She uses a condom and birth control and got worried about being pregnant the first couple times. She talked to me and I could confidently tell her that she isn't. I mean, the condom DIDNT break or fall off (so sperm couldn't get through) and she's on the pill (she doesn't ovulate!!). I was positive she couldn't be pregnant (she also pulled out so at the most it would have been precum...that doubtedly contained sperm since he only ejaculated like a week ago.) there was just no way that she could be!

Now if only I could give this information to myself. I've calmed multiple friends down about being pregnant because I put so much research and time into making sure i can do it safely and almost diminish the risk. I know SO much information from this site and many others. I know how to put on a condom, that lube is extremely important and that I need to take my pill around the same time everyday (have never missed one!!). I know that if he pulls out, to do so well before he ejaculates so there is no need to rush and that he just needs to pee multiple times from the last ejaculation..so there would be absolutely no sperm in the precum. Pregnancy, when i talk about it to other people, would no way happen under these circumstances. But when I say that to myself, I go back to what my mom says. She basically told me that I "will get pregnant" if I have sex. But from what I learned, I just don't see how this is the case.

My cousins have talked about my mom being so much against having sex. My guy cousin (19) gets angry that she doesn't think anybody should be getting sexual or making out (I had the "makeout talk" a few months ago). She scares the crap out of me and doesn't want me to be sexual at all. I found out I couldn't talk to her anymore about my boyfriend and I and any type of sex we want to engage in.

The only problem is, is that her "You will get pregnant" continues to stick inside my head. So i feel like no matter how hard I try to prevent it. I'M going to get pregnant anyways. I just need a litte advice and some help. There's just no way I can have that type of communication with my mom. She gets so angry about any type of sex.

Thanks for your time

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smittenkitten
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Hi Beaver,

I'm so glad you're so clued up on how to prevent pregnancy.

Even if you're on birth control, using condoms is a great way to prevent STIs. And if you use condoms alongside oral contraceptives (the pill) you have no risk of pregnancy even if you don't use withdrawal as well.

It can be really hard to shake off the doctrine that our parents instill in us. I think you already have the most powerful tool you need to break through that statement though. Knowledge. You know that if you take the appropriate measures, you won't get pregnant. You can see that it's a false statement probably designed to scare you out of having sex.

My advice would be to try not to have an emotional response when you think of what your mom says. Remind yourself of the facts and take some deep breaths.

That said, if you are getting panicky about the possibility of pregnancy, you might want to run through Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist just to make sure you're really ready.

Marion

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beaver987
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I've been really interested in finding good information and keeping myself informed about safe sex (condom, pill, withdrawl). I can confidently inform others as well about what I've learned and educate my cousins on the real likihood of having sex when on the pill and using a condom, but when it comes to myself...i lose all of the information and go to the worst possible situation.

I always have that feeling that i'm going to be so informed, be extremely careful and safe (while being totally comforable with my boyfriend) and get pregnant while the person that isnt informed and does it all the time doesn't....

I want to have sex so bad because I love the person i'm with and am ready to experience it, but I just can't get ^^^ thought out of my head.

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

First of all, just a little clarification. Safer sex (and we always want to say safer rather than safe) is about preventing STIs specifically. So, the pill isn't a form of safer sex, but rather a form of contraception or birth control.

Did you have a chance to read the readiness list Marion linked you to? If so, how ready do you think you are based on the points raised there?

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Robin

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beaver987
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Yes! I read the check list and feel im completely ready for everything except, obviously, the pregnancy portion. My boyfriend and i talked about adoption if it were to ever happen at some point, but i just cant have that happen right now. I feel i am completely ready and completely educated on everything else as i have done A LOT of research.
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beaver987
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Yes! I read the check list and feel im completely ready for everything except, obviously, the pregnancy portion. My boyfriend and i talked about adoption if it were to ever happen at some point, but i just cant have that happen right now. I feel i am completely ready and completely educated on everything else as i have done A LOT of research.
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Robin Lee
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So you're ready in terms of what you know. Are you ready in how you feel? When people experience fear around something, that can often be an indication that some part of a person isn't feeling completely comfy.

Engaging in sexual activities that could lead to pregnancy--well, engaging in a lot of things in life--necessitate a level of comfort with a certain amount of uncertainty. Do you feel as if you can handle the uncertainty of doing everything you can to prevent pregnancy while still knowing it could happen, while enjoying yourself?

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Robin

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beaver987
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I guess thats why ive looked up a lot of information...i learn information so i can basicalky diminish the risk or have such a rediculously small chance of getting pregnant. But i feel im emotionally ready. I feel that im with the right person that i trust and that we have everything we need to make sure there's barely even a risk there
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beaver987
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Also, quick question. What is considered perfect withdrawal?
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Robin Lee
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Again though, do you feel comfortable with the fact that there would be a risk, no matter how small?

Here's some information about
Withdrawal

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Robin

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beaver987
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Probably not. I really just dont want a riask at all, but I dont think it would bother me if i knew i wouldnt get pregnant.
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beaver987
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Probably not. I really just dont want a riask at all, but I dont think it would bother me if i knew i wouldnt get pregnant.
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beaver987
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Probably not. I really just dont want a riask at all, but I dont think it would bother me if i knew i wouldnt get pregnant.
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Robin Lee
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Nodding. Ultimately you need to do what works for you, what is going to leave you feeling good an right about it before, during, and after.

What I'm hearing from you is still a lot of hesitancy, though I might be misunderstanding.

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Robin

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beaver987
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Sorry about the multiple posts in a row. Still tying to figure out my new phone and it tries to repost.

I feel like before i was extremely hesitant. As i continue to look into things i realize the realiry at becoming pregnant and i begin to feel more comfortable with the risks. Ive looked at many different couples and newlyweds and notice that not many people have kids before they want to. Many parents have had sex more than just the two times theyve wanted to have kids.

For me, im realizing the reality of pulling out (no semon in the first place), using a condom (if it doesnt break and i used it from start to finish, it completely protected me from pregnancy becauase there arent microscopic holes) and if it happened to break, i wouldnt have an egg for the sperm to meet with becauae i take my pill very consistantly. I guess the more icontinue to think about it and learn, the more comfortable i feel.

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Robin Lee
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Sounds as if you have the amount of knowledge you feel you need to make a good decision for yourself. How's your partner feeling about all of this?

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Robin

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beaver987
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He feels he is completely ready. Weve read a lot of the articles together and belives that theres no chance of me getting pregnant if we use everything we have correctly and knows we will both be extremely careful.

Thats also kind of a downfall, however, because its completely up to me to decide when im ready. I know that he'll wait until im ready.

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