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Author Topic: Sex Hurts!
Madii
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Okay, so, its been quite a while since I've been on here, but I come in need of help yet again! Anyway, I've been with the same guy two and a half years yada yada, and we haven't really tried to have sex, I just give him oral and handjobs because I was really wary or fingering and oral on myself, he went down on me, it was awesome, so sometime later, I let him start to finger me, so we've been doing that for probablya monthish. So, we finally decided to go all the way, and it just hurts so bad, I won't even let him put the whole tip in. Fingering doesnt hurt me at all, it feels really good. But this whole sex thing..... It's pretty bad. I just need help on making it not hurt so bad!):
Posts: 74 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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HI madii,

I'm sorry to hear it's been so painful for you. When you start to have intercourse, is it after a long bout of other sexual activities, kissing, manual sex (fingering), oral sex, etc? When it comes time for intercourse, is it something you feel totally mentally and physically up for?


How are you feeling about any birth control and safer sex choices you and your boyfriend have made? I ask because sometimes worry about those things can contribute to tension that we may not be fully aware of.

I'm giving you a couple of articles that have several ideas in them for things you can try. How about you take a look at them and then we can discuss what you think might work for you? Does that sound okay?
First Intercourse 101

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Madii
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Okay, I will most definitely take a look at the articles!(: but yeah, I won't try unless I'm really in the mood, and after we've done lots of foreplay. I'm on the pill, and we use condoms, so I'm not worried or stressed about protection. I just can't understand why it hurts..... He has big enough hands.... And his whole finger fits inside me with no pain. But something about his penis being inside of me is so painful/:
Posts: 74 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Are the two of you using lubricant? Things being too dry, and there being too much friction, can often increase discomfort and pain. Plus, vaginal sesecretions tend to be thicker for people on hormonal birth control (hence, less slippery and slick) and condoms increase friction as well.

So, if you're not using lubricant, I'd suggest trying that. What do you think?

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Robin

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Madii
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We are using lubricant, and it helps his penis slide in better, but it still hurts just as bad/:
Posts: 74 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Nodding...Have you had a chance to read those articles? Did anything jump out at you as something that you could change or try?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Madii
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I read them, and I thought they were great articles, but unfortunately it didn't really help/:
Posts: 74 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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[Smile] That's okay.


You've mentioned that he fingers you. Have you also experienced putting your own fingers in your vagina, for asturbation, to put a tampon in, or just because?


I'm also wondering: In terms of size, do you think it might be that going from one finger to a penis is a big jump in size that maybe is a shock for your body?

How do you feel about engaging in intercourse? You mentioned that you were initially reticent to being the receptive partner of sexual activities and II'mwondering if tsome of hat reticence is hanging on. We can often carry anxiety or nervousness in our muscles (think of getting tense shoulders) and the vagina is surrounded by muscles that can, if they're tensed up either consciously or unconsciously, impact how comfortable (or not) putting something inside it will be.

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Robin

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Madii
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Yes I have experienced my own finger inside of my vagina, again, no pain. Tampons.... No pain. Except when pulling them out, that hurts quite a lot. I feel quite excited about intercourse, and I want to try so bad, but neither me nor my boyfriend want to put me in any sort of pain.
Posts: 74 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smittenkitten
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Hi Madii,

I think that Robin is onto something with the tense muscles, given that you seem to be doing all the right things (plenty of foreplay, plenty of lube). However if you don't have any underlying nervousness about intercourse, I would suggest seeing your gynecologist. They should be able to examine your vagina and explain why you're having trouble with inserting things in your vagina.

That said, we all have different bodies and it's possible that your vagina is just relatively narrow.

Marion

Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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