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Author Topic: orgasm help
amandachristine067
Neophyte
Member # 97438

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Hello, My name is Amanda and I'm 18 years old. I have just started becoming sexually active with my boyfriend a few months ago. I still have yet to orgasm. Don't get me wrong the sex is great but as great as it gets without being able to have that rush. I don't really know what to do. my boyfriend tries so hard and I feel bad but he always tells me not to worry and its not my fault. He rubs on my clit but it is not a fantastic feeling at all. The penetration is good he hits my g-spot but I just cannot seem to orgasm.

I've dont a lot of internet searching and it is telling me that I have to masturbate to find what I like. But honestly I don't like touching myself like that. It really freaks me out and makes me feel uncomfortable.

Any tips?

Thank you. [Confused] [B][/B]

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amandachristine067
Neophyte
Member # 97438

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Also forgot to mention that we always use a condom, I am on birth control but i dont feel safe from pregnancy without using one and since I am in college I am not ready for a child. I know that using a condom might hinder the sensation? I'm not quite sure but my boyfriend always listens to me when I tell him I want to use condom even if he does not.

I just want to know why I can't orgasm haha

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI amandachristine067 and welcome to Scarleteen,

To answer your last question first: It's pretty unlikely that your boyfriend wearing a condom is hindering sensation for you. It's sound to use condoms not only to protect against unwanted pregnancy but also to reduce the chances of STI (sexually transmitted infection) transmission.

You've said here that you're not having orgasms from engaging in sexual activities with your boyfriend. Have you ever had an orgasm before? If so, what were the circumstances?

I'm also wondering: You said that sex feels great without the "rush" of orgasm. i'm wondering if you feel like you're missing something with sex in terms of your experience of it, or if you think you're supposed to be missing something. IN other words, taking orgasm out of the equasion for a moment, are you enjoying engaging in sexual activities with your boyfriend? Does it feel good physically and emotionally?

Could you say more about what makes you uncomfortable about touching your genitals? What is different about having your boyfriend touch them versus you touching them? The feelings of discomfort you get: are they physical, emotional, both?

here are a couple of articles you might find it helpful to read:

Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum

With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

--------------------
Robin

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amandachristine067
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Member # 97438

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No, I have never had an orgasm before. without orgasming I am enjoying engaging in sex with my boyfriend. It feels great physically and emotionally.

I dont like touching my genetals because It just feels weird to try to do it myself. It makes me uncomfortable whenever I try.
When my boyfriend does it it feels good but not amazing.


great I will read those articles.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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If you feel uncomfortable with your own genitals, that's probably the thing to work most on, because it's most likely your biggest barrier to orgasm. And to more pleasure, to boot.

If it helps to know, most people, of all genders, learn to reach orgasm first via masturbation. Far fewer people will learn first with a partner.

Plus, learning how you like to touch yourself gives you tools so that you can better communicate with a partner about what feels good so they can learn your body better, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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amandachristine067
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Member # 97438

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Okay that makes sense I will try to get more comfortable with myself.
Tonight I had sex with my boyfriend and we tried to extend the foreplay as long as we could. within 4 minutes my clitoris was just too sore to be touched anymore. He was not being too rough with it either so i dont understand. This always happens

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Robin Lee
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HI amandachristine067,

Many people do find that constant touching or pressure on their clitoris is uncomfortable. There are a lot of nerve endings in a very concentrated area and while that can often lead to intense feelings of pleasure, nerves can also respond by sending pain or discomfort signals. One thing that can help is to use a lubricant. Touching the clitoris with dry fingers can create friction, which is, for many people, going to become uncomfortable pretty quickly.

IN general, aside from your clitoris getting sore, how did it feel to extend your foreplay time?

What do you think you need in order to become more comfortable with your body and with touching yourself?

--------------------
Robin

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amandachristine067
Neophyte
Member # 97438

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I think extending the foreplay time definitely made me enjoy the sex more.
I am not sure what I need to be more comfortable with touching myself. It just feels unnatural to me and I don't know why.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, what you might need is some time and practice.

Sometimes, it helps people to get used to having sex with themselves by doing the same kinds of things they do when they think they're going to have sex with someone else. Like, if there's grooming you do, or if you engage in fantasy looking forward to it, if there are ways you dress, or set up your room, etc.

It might also help to know that infants often masturbate, so when it all comes down to it, masturbation is probably one of the most "natural" things in the world. And one that almost always, even if we don't remember it, came first as something we wanted to do long before we had sexual interest in other people or any kind of sex with other people.

Another thing that can help is to incorporate masturbation into other ways you care for your body or do sensual things. Like, for example, when taking a bath or shower, even if it's about getting clean, it's also often about relaxing, experiencing the pleasure of the water on our bodies, etc.

If you have access to the library or a bookstore, you might look up Betty Dodson's "Sex for One." Betty's work of many decades now, work she was doing before almost anyone else, has been helping women to get more comfortable with their genitals and masturbation. That book is a really good primer, and might be just the thing for you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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amandachristine067
Neophyte
Member # 97438

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Alright I will see if I can find that book thanks!.

I faced my fear and just tried to touch around and find where it felt really good and i think it felt better at the top of the clitoris than near my vagina.

But i'm not really sure. I can't find that one spot that is great.

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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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For a lot of people, there isn't really one spot that is great, it's more complicated than that -- something won't feel much like anything if you're just feeling your way around, but it might feel REALLY awesome when you're really aroused. And some things just don't feel so hot some days, and they feel a lot better other days. There's also often more than just one place that we enjoy touching or having touched. So don't be discouraged if you can't find one spot that feels great -- that's often not how it works anyway. You can just figure what feels good and when, and maybe see what feels good when you're really aroused, if you're up for/interested in exploring that.

Does that make sense?

[ 12-27-2012, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This piece might help you out: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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