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Author Topic: Vaginal tightness?
asiakimba
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I have never been able to insert a tampon into my vagina because it just feels like a brick wall on the inside. It also really hurts. I've been trying for at least a year now. My boyfriend knows about the problem and is very understanding, and although we aren't planning to have sex for a while, we are trying to "widen" it (I'm not sure if that's the right word) by inserting his finger. However, even when he uses his pinky, it hurts so much that I always cry and have to tell him to stop. [Confused] I'm not sure what's wrong, and it's very frustrating. I saw a gynecologist in April and was examined (side note: that hurt a LOT [Frown] ), but the gynecologist said nothing was wrong. What is wrong, and what can I do to fix this problem? Thanks ♥
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Heather
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So, when you're trying with the tampon, are you:
• doing your best to relax?
• using a lubricant?
• experimenting with angles, to make sure you're actually following the angle of your vagina, rather than pushing against a 'wall" of it?

Same with the pinky finger: using lube? Relaxed and aroused first? Also, are you already turned on by other things you DO like first? Do you even want a finger inside of you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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asiakimba
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I try to relax when I try to use a tampon, but it's difficult because I always feel like I'm going to fail. Do you have any ideas for how to calm down? And no, I have never used a lubricant. Are there any that you would recommend? Also, I have read a lot about how you have to go at the right "angle" but I have no idea how to figure out what angle is correct.
I am turned on when my boyfriend asks if he can try to put his finger in, but I think that just sends me into "nervous mode" because I always feel like it will hurt. A relaxing technique would be good here too, as would knowing what kind of lubricant would be best.

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Heather
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Okay, so it sounds like we've already identified some things that probably are big issues here.

With the vagina, basically the way it works inside your body is that, from the vaginal opening, it, at a slight curve, goes up in your body, as in, towards your head, rather than towards your back. Does that make sense?

If not, take a peek at the cross-section illustration here: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More. (It's about halfway down that page, and if you look, you can see that from the vaginal opening, the vaginal canal itself, right in the middle of everything there, angles back a little, but while going up into the body, not back.)

Then maybe you can see that if we angle anything we or someone else are putting into the vagina towards the beck, we are, indeed, going to be hitting a wall: our vaginal wall.

Lube! Lube is not only often essential for any sexual entry into the vagina or anus, plenty of people also find it helpful when first learning to use things like tampons or menstrual cups. You can get lubes where condoms are sold, most of the time, and most of what you'll find will all do you just fine. The only thing you want to avoid is "jelly," since that's not as fluid as liquid lube.

When your boyfriend asks if he can try and put his finger inside, is that something YOU actually want, not just something he does? If it's not, then it makes sense it hurts and that you can't relax.

Per calming down on your own, I wonder if you've gotten into a state of mind with both of these things where you're affixing a failure-status to it. If so, see if you can't dump that. There's no winning or losing here, and your body isn't something to be conquered, but rather, something to learn and learn to work peacefully with. And it may be your body needs you to have more patience with it, and you might need to have some more with yourself. After all, the world won't end if you can't use tampons now or soon (or heck, ever), nor will it end if you can't have a finger or anything else inside your vagina right now. Life will go on, and those things can wait until you get there. If that takes some time, it's okay!

Is there anything you find you generally do for yourself to help you relax in other kinds of situations?

[ 12-27-2012, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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asiakimba
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About the lube: I forgot to mention this, but I'm only 15 (meaning I can't drive), so I'm not sure how I would get to a store to buy some.
About the finger insertion: I do want it, and I want it to work out, but I guess the fear of it not working messes me up and makes me nervous. I will definitely try to start calming myself down more.

Also, I'm thinking of also trying to put a finger in myself (my boyfriend and I aren't alone often enough; and if I'm correct, even if you stretch the hole, it doesn't stay stretched forever). Would lube "work" even if I'm not aroused? Or would I have to get myself aroused, then use lube to put my finger in? And I should only attempt to use tampons when I'm on my period, right?

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Heather
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Is there a store, like a pharmacy, within walking distance? Biking distance?

You're getting time alone with your boyfriend, so I figure you or one of you have figured something out about getting around?

Really, if you're not aroused, putting a finger in your vagina either won't feel good, or just won't feel like much of anything. But lube can help with both of those things, and some people become more aroused as they're doing something like putting a finger inside. Of course, you could always try being aroused first, whether that's about thinking about your boyfriend, engaging in sexual fantasy, and/or doing things to your body that you know DO feel good to you already. I can't know what those are, but as en example, more people will tend to find any kind of vaginal entry or sex feels better or a lot more interesting when they've first (or during) spent time stimulating their external clitoris.

You're right: we don't "permanently" loosen the vagina with tampons or fingers. It's just that we might become more relaxed with those things over time, so we'll tense up less. And yep: you want to save tampon use for when you're actually menstruating.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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asiakimba
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Ok, thank you so much!
Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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