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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Something wrong with me 'down there'?

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Author Topic: Something wrong with me 'down there'?
708
Neophyte
Member # 100948

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My boyfriend and I have tried to have sex twice before and it just couldn't happen. We're normally very sexually active and would have manual sex etc and I've never been made to feel uncomfortable or nervous around him. I'm a virgin but he's not.

The first time didn't go so well. We were drunk from a night out and decided to try it without any foreplay and of course it wasn't going to work. It upset me at the time but looking back I put it down to a lack of foreplay and just being stupid drunk.

The second time was last night. We warmed up to it properly, I was feeling comfortable and into it, and we used a condom/lube and still could not get it in at all, not even the tiniest. It didn't hurt all too much, just a little when he tried, nothing dramatic. I got really upset this time and even though he reassured me we could work through it and it would be nice if we could, but not the be-all and end all.

Thing is, this is really important to me. After we talked about it a bit and he said that something might not be right with me 'down there' and it was as if there was 'bones' or something getting in the way. I've no idea what to think or do. I plan on talking to someone at my family planning clinic tomorrow but was wondering if anyone had some advice... terrified at the prospect of something being physically wrong with me that's stopping me from what feels natural and right.

Thanks to anyone who replies x

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI 708
and welcome to Scarleteen,

I'm not sure if this will be reassuring, but I thought I'd let you know that we regularly get questions like this from people. There's often the idea that intercourse is something that just naturally happens, but like anything else, it's often something that people need to spend time figuring out.

Talking to your family planning clinic sounds like a great idea. Have you had a gynecological exam before?

With the manual sex, or with your own masturbation, have either you or your boyfriend inserted fingers into your vagina? If so, how did that work for you? same with using tampons. If you've used them, how has that worked for you?

How familiar do you feel like you are with your own genital anatomy?

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Robin

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708
Neophyte
Member # 100948

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Hi Robin, and thanks!

Yes he has, and he can get one finger in pretty comfortably and can go as far as he wants that way. When he tries for two, I get sore, and I seem to really resist him. I've also bled a little after, but only a small amount.

I've never had an exam but plan to go and talk with someone at my family planning clinic tomorrow. They deal with young people specifically so hopefully that will be best.

I'm probably not that familiar with it... I don't get a lot out of masturbation though it does feel good, I'm satisfied enough with how active we are as a couple and rarely feel the need to do it. Sometimes.

I've not tried to use tampons before.

Some of my friends have said 'we're just incompatible.' That really frightens me most. He's the only person I've been able to trust this way and I don't want to lose him over it.

I've never really been touched down there before him if that helps as well. I was fairly underexperienced. We've been this intimate quite frequently, a few times in one session, and we see each other about twice a week. I've been seeing him for about two months now.

Edit: it's him mentioning the 'bones' thing I don't get. I can feel what he means though. Will this change over time or will I always be this narrow?

[ 12-09-2012, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: 708 ]

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi There,

It's highly unlikely that you and your boyfriend are physically incompatible in terms of your genitals. The vagina is surrounded by muscles, and actually changes shape when someone is aroused.

Even if you don't masturbate for pleasure, I would encourage you to spend some time getting to know your own genitals (just like you'd get to know any other part of your body just through daily use). I also think you would find these articles helpful to read so you can understand your genital anatomy more.

Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

First Intercourse 101

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Robin

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708
Neophyte
Member # 100948

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Thanks, I've read the articles. I'll take time to get to know myself more.

So the 'bone' thing he is describing is probably my muscles? In that case they'd have to be pretty tight to feel like bone... I don't understand as I am always relaxed when we're being intimate. I got a bit nervous last night, but only because I was scared it wouldnt work again, which actually happened...

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Well, it could be that he's encountering your pelvic bones.

As you likely read in the Intercourse 101 article,it's usually necessary for one partner or the other to guide the penis into the vagina with a hand, otherwise, the aim can be off. Is this something you've been doing?

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Robin

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708
Neophyte
Member # 100948

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Yeah we've done that. We've tried with me on top and him. It's in the right spot, but just won't go in...
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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708: how about you check back in with us after you have that exam? That way, we can know -- and so can you -- if this is an issue that's physical (like, for instance, a resilient hymen), or if it's more about mechanics or angles, or about things like arousal, etc.

Perhaps obviously, our approach and advice would differ based on those different situations.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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708
Neophyte
Member # 100948

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Okay Heather. I checked in with my local family planning clinic and they asked me to see a psychosexual therapist on thursday. Hopefully talking to her will help.

Thanks for all your help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sure thing! So, want to wait on that for the time being, then check in with us afterwards if you want to?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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