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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Pregnancy Likelihood? (Page 1)

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Cherylcakes
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I have read all the 'Pregnancy Scared' articles (several times!)and yet i still cannot get rid of the worry that somehow I am pregnant.
Every time we have vaginal sex we use a condom. the last time we had vaginal sex was the 1st of October. on the 4th, i got what i assume to be my period ( the bleeding lasted 4-5 days and i had achy breasts for the two weeks beforehand, which is a normal PMS symptom for me, and which disappeared soon after my period ended). i took a pregnancy test for this on the 20th ,21st and 26th of october,which all came out negtive, but i am so worried that the tests were wrong. on the 11th, we had manual and oral sex, where we were both naked but we were doing a 69 (sorry, tmi :/) so he ejacualated on my chest and the bed. i was concerned afterwards that, somehow, a massive load of ejaculate wound up inside me somehow, so i took EC on the 12th of october. now, today will be 21 days from that risk, and i plan to take another pregnancy test soon. with taking EC (Levonelle 1500) on the 8th day of my cycle, how late can i expect my period to be? on the box, it said that if you dont get your period within three weeks, take a pregnancy test. i had three days of light bleeding 4 days after taking EC, but, because i took it near the beginning of my cycle, i am not due for another period for aother week or so. so do i count this bleeding i had for three days as a period becoz it happened a week after i finished my period? or do i wait it out?
a final thing, i saw my dr last week, and, during our discussion about condoms, she said that not only do they have a failure rate of up to 14%, they can also get tears that you will not notice... please, could i have some clarification on whether you will know if a condom has broken??
sorry that this is so long, I'm just going out of my mind with worry over this :'(

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Robin Lee
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HI Cherylcakes
and welcome to Scarleteen,

It sounds like you are super, super anxious about this.

Let's start with what your doctor told you. Yes, condoms do have a failure rate of about 14%; that is a measurement of people who were "typical" users of condoms (sometimes not using them properly) over a year. For people who are "perfect" users, the failure rate is only 2%, again, as measured over the period of a year with research subjects. So, this statistic doesn't actually mean that you have a 14% chance of being pregnant. You've taken several pregnancy tests, and also took emergency contraception.

No, it is not correct that condoms have tiny tears that you might not notice. That is an outdated belief that has been shown not to be accurate. If a condom breaks, you know it; it either splits or tears. So, as long as you're storing your condoms in a safe place, where they won't, say, get poked by a pair of nail scissors in your purse or drawer, there is no risk of tiny holes or tears.

Taking emergency contraception can throw off menstrual cycles for many people, so there's no telling when you'll get your next period. However, this doesn't mean that you can't trust any pregnancy tests that you take.

As you likely read in the articles on this site, pregnancy tests are considered accurate 14 or more days after the sexual activity that is considered to be a risk.

With the level of anxiety this is causing you, I would suggest that you and your partner sit down and have a conversation about changing things up in your sexual life. It sounds, from where I sit, as if engaging in the types of sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy is causing you more anxiety than it's worth. What do you think?

I'm also wondering if there are other things going on in your life that may be prompting this large amount of fear. How is your relationship in general? How about life overall? Anything else stressing or worrying you right now?

Here are a few articles to take a look at related to what I've talked about here:

Condoms

Emergency Contraception (Plan B or the Morning-After-Pill)

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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Hi, thanks for your quick and reassuring answer [Smile]

I am, by nature, an anxious person- if i can worry about it, even if its a small thing, i will worry about it [Frown] in the past, its been about illness in general , i am a terrible hypochondriac :/
i think this is all because this is my 1st relationship etc, and ive never been able to talk to my mum about this stuff because she is very religious, and, although she likes my partner, i can tell that this is not quite what she would like [Frown] this upsets me, as i should be able to talk to my mum about this stuff :'( as for the doctor, i went into her office sobbing, and she was really abit insensitive about the whole thing [Frown]
just like to also say what a great site this is, god knows what i would have done had i not found it :')

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

It sounds, from what you say, as if you and your Mum are very close, so I can see how it would be tough to feel her disapproval and to not be able to talk to her about something that is important to you.

How long have you been in this relationship?

What do you think about taking a break from intercourse for a while until you feel more secure?

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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it really does break my heart that me and my mum dont have the same attitudes to life [Frown]

Only been going out a couple of months, but we have not had vaginal sex since the 1st of october, only manual and oral, and thats how its going to stay for a few months till i can get my head round everything [Big Grin] we are safe only doing manual and oral, right? i know it says so in the pregnancy risk article, but i jus want to make absolutely sure that even if we are both naked, as long as theres no genital-to-genital contact and he doesnt ejaculate directly onto me then theres no risk? [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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IN terms of level of risk, you've got that exactly right! Manual and oral sex don't pose pregnancy risks for the reasons you've mentioned. [Smile]

These sexual activities do pose risks of STI transmission, though. Have you and your partner been tested for STIs?

Yes, I can imagine it would make you sad to feel like there's a barrier between you and your mom. How do you think it would be if you started a conversation with her, even just letting her know that you're worried she doesn't like your partner, and letting her know that you like your partner but that her opinion also matters to you? Do you think that might help you feel more connected to your Mum again? What do you think would happen if you had a conversation like that?

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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if i let her know that i feel like she doesnt like my parter, she will just be all 'you know why' (him not being religous, etc..)
i dont feel that it would reap many results, as my main worry is about sex, something she would be really angry with me about if i even tried to bring it up [Frown]
so, if he was to ejaculate onto my chest, that would be fine and present no risks? i just get worried that somehow semen will find its way into me, even if our genitals are, like, waay apart at opposite ends lol [Razz] so, for there to be a risk, he would have to ejaculate RIGHT, DIRECTLY ONTO my vagina, and that i would definitely know about it?

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Robin Lee
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Nodding...it seems then that talking to your Mum isn't going to be the most helpful to you right now.

You've got it all right in terms of risks. Semen can't find it's way intside your vagina if it's on other parts of your body. It just can't. [Smile]

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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okay, thanks for clearing that up [Big Grin]
so, can i say that the last time i had vaginal sex (1st october) was the last time i had a risk? and can discount all the manual and oral sex ive had since then as risks? if i was to take a pregnancy test in the next couple of days, it would be around 34 days after the vaginal sex and the test would be completely accurate?
also, can i confidently say my 4-5 days of bleeding starting three days after i had vaginal sex was my period?
thanks for all your help [Smile]

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Heather
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I don't see any reason you couldn't test at any time now.

On the whole, if it looks like a period, acts like a period, feels like a period, and comes around when you expect your period? It is a period.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cherylcakes
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so vaginal sex is the only risk ive had? the oral and manual dont count?
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Cherylcakes
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also, ive become really dry, when i get discharge its quite thick and whiteish...is this a sign that my periods coming?
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Robin Lee
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Based on what you've read, does it make sense how that is so?

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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sorry, is this in response to my question about vaginal sex being the only risk? yes, i understand, however, i cant stop thinking that somehow, when i sat on the bed in my underwear or on a leather sofa after he ejaculated that i could still get pregnant [Frown]
if its in response to my question about discharge, i know that it means youre less fertile [Razz]

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Robin Lee
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My apologies for being unclear. I didn't see your question about the discharge and was answering your question about the risk level. IN regards to that, it's not possible to get pregnant from sitting on a bed. [Smile]

IN terms of discharge, yes, drier, thicker discharge is, for many people, a sign that their period is on its way.

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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so the fact that i had period-like bleeding three days after my last vaginal sex and a negative pregnancy test 20,21 and 26 days later means its very unlikely im pregnant? [Big Grin]
thanks for being so patient with me about all this [Big Grin]

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Karybu
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With three negative pregnancy tests, I'd say you can know for sure that you are not pregnant.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Cherylcakes
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thanks karybu [Smile]

i was okay for the past couple days, now, suddenly, my pregnancy paranoia has flared up again [Frown]

robin, common sense is telling me how its so that only the vaginal sex i had poses a risk, but i think i need to see it in writing from you, if thats okay..?
for example, the other night, i gave my boyf a handjob and he ejaculated. we both washed our hands (i think!) but just after that he put his hands down there to adjust himself [Razz] he then fingered me about 5 minutes later could he have got semen on his hand again after adjusting himself?? [Frown]

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

Since you have already read the information on our site about how a pregnancy can and cannot happen, yu know that pregnancy can't happen from an indirect transfer like that.

Considering that you're having this degree of anxiety, what do you think about taking a break from sexual activities that promote this anxiety? Are you able to talk to your boyfriend about your worries?


y

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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I will take a break, just until i can get this all sorted in my head [Smile]

I will tell him, he doesnt know that ive had anxiety issues in the past, but i am going to tell him soon [Smile]

so, once and for all...ANY time semen makes ANY stops between penis and vagina, as in ANY,even a small stop on fingers,there is no pregnancy risk?

and it would be deliberate actions such as placing a penis INTETNIONALLY RIGHT, DIRECTLY over a vagina and ejaculating or INTENTIONAL, FULL genital to genital contact which is how a risk occurs? [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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You've got it.

Pleaes let us know if you need any help figuring out how to talk to your boyfriend about this.

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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thanks so much :')

i think im okay on that front, i mean, at the end of the day, if he cannot respect my decision to abstain, then i will have to do some serious thinking about this [Smile]
i understand that his feelings matter too, but how do i deal with it if he gets sulky about it?

also, i think id like to talk more about emotional ways of dealing with my anxiety about this [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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Hi There,

You're very welcome.

It can be tough when two people want or need different things. Does your boyfriend tend to get sulky about things in general? My best suggestion for you would be to explain to him that while these sexual activities are fun for you while they're happening (assuming that they are, since that's why you're doing them, right?) it's not so much fun afterwards when you start to worry, and that you're working on the not-worrying part.

IN terms of the not-worrying/anxiety-management part, have you ever thought of talking with a counsellor or doctor about the anxiety you have around health things? If you're feeling severe anxiety around this and have felt this sort of anxiety around health before, I think either or both of those would be good places for you to start.

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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I did speak with a counsellor when i was at school (been in the uk for a few years now) but i had two sessions and never heard from her again, which sucked [Frown]
id rather not go back to my dr, after last time, shes not the emotionally caring sort [Razz]
i will see what i can do, i am trying to manage this on my own, and ive found it gets worse, along with my weird nervous tics i have round my period- theyve got worse in the past week or so, and im looking abit bloated, which i sometimes get before my period too [Razz] im hoping that, despite the EC after manual sex, ill get my period soon [Smile]

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Cherylcakes
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i feel i would find it easy if i had like a mantra to go by [Razz] and i found something that another volunteer said and just wondered if you can confirm that this is correct?

" really, any time you have to map out a route that the semen could have taken, you can be sure that there wasnt a risk to begin with" (joey)

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Robin Lee
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Hey There,

Yes, that's a concise way of describing what we've been saying. [Smile]

Do you have a mantra in mind? Meditation of various types can be helpful for a lot of people. Have you ever done meditation before?

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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my counsellor gave me some stuff to do, but i find it easier to worry [Razz]

not a mantra as such, just something i can repeat to myself and have there to refer to when im feeling low, like what Joey said above [Big Grin]

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Robin Lee
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*gentle chuckle* Often feeling better does take work, and it's a choice to do that work.

What did your counsellor suggest?

So, how about you try repeating that sentence from Joey every time you start to worry, or perhaps even at set times of the day? What do you think?

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Robin

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Cherylcakes
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just some breathing excercises, i didnt fid them very helpful tbh [Razz]

i definitely will refer back to what joey said, by far the biggest reassurance for me has been reading other posts on here, it has helped immensely [Smile]

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Heather
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If it also helps?

We have NEVER heard back from a single user, not in going on 15 years of service, who came telling us they were pregnant when we told them they had little to no risk.

Not once. And believe me, I pay attention to these things. (I've also always been the person who managed our email.)

Sure, maybe it happens and those people didn't get back to us, but given the level of complaints vs. accolades on sites like Yelp, and given what a big deal pregnancy is, I think we can probably agree we probably WOULD have heard back from folks like that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cherylcakes
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okay, so just to be clear: i am one of those low risk situations? [Smile]
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Kachina
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That's correct.

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~Kat
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Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Cherylcakes
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and you definitely think that the fact i breaking out on my face and my discharge is white is a sign of my period, not pregnancy? [Smile]
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Cherylcakes
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so now im worried that we may have had genital to genital contact i didnt notice or remember- im 98% sure we didnt, but what if i didnt notice? [Frown]
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September
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Direct genital to genital contact is something that you'd notice happening, especially given your level of concern around this. It sounds to me like you're the kind of person who's very careful about avoiding potential risks.

You're already worrying about a lot of things, so there is no need to add unlikely what-if scenario to that, alright?

Have you had that talk with your boyfriend yet? How did that go?

(Btw, I am happy to see that the advice I gave another user has been so helpful to you! [Smile] )

--------------------
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