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Author Topic: Gyno visit soon...
m_azul
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Hello! I've struggled a lot here lately, so I've had several posts. Mainly over pregnancy risk questions. So, I took Heather's advice, and I am going to a gynecologist for the first time. I was just curious, is there anything you all could tell me about how it goes and stuff? I know the woman I'll be going to does not do pap tests til age 21. (unless you've had some serious issues down there) but I know she'll ask how "sexual" I've been, and I've done almost everything BUT direct genital to genital contact, what would be the best way to word it?

Thanks

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m_azul
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Oh, I should've put that Heather may need to answer all this, idk. It does not matter to me. Just whoever can.

Btw, I've been doing better with my anxiety, too. I usually just glance at my threads to reassure. I do have another concern... As I was just checking things out on here, I went to the sexual Health section, clicked on FAQs, and looks at dry sex. A lot of the volunteers had said "take an EC!" or stuff like that. Jw, why is that? It was ten years ago, so maybe there was more research or something? I just wondering why this was.

I am curious, but yes reviewing my previous threads have helped a lot. I just thought "wait... Whaat?" about those lol

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Robin Lee
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HI Maria,

Heather is off today, so I hope you don't mind if I answer your questions. [Smile]

You can explain your sexual experiences in whatever way you feel comfortable. For example, you could say that you've had oral and manual sex with your boyfriend, or you could say it the way you said it above, or something else. WE can go over that more specifically if you would like.

If your doctor doesn't do PAP tests for people younger than 21, this will probably just be a conversational visit. As with going to any other doctor, they will probably take your vitals at the beginning of the appointment--weight, blood pressure, etc.

Here's an article about
Your First Gynecologist Visit

As to the information you read regarding the need for E.C. after dry humping, no that is not current and isn't what we advise now.

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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No I don't mind at all [Smile]

I really appreciate your answers. They definitely help. I will read that article after while, when I have more time. What you said about how to word my experiences is helpful too.

And okay, I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, I was just concerned after reading things to keep my anxiety levels down. But thank you, I understand. I can calm that little part of me that was freaking out.

Thanks again!

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Robin Lee
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You weren't being rude at all.

WE want our information here to be as helpful to people as possible. In fact, if you could give me links to where you saw that advice, I'll take a look at them myself.

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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I can't find the links now :/.... I promise they were on here though. They were under sexual health and the FAQs. And I trust it, I just have worry problems so I just looked around and it helps me tremendously, but that little bit scared me a little. I knew you all did not contradict yourselves, especially since so many volunteers told me the same thing (dry humping with one layer = NO need for EC pill) so I thought wait... What?
But I mean I've had a period after that experience anyways. I just was curious.

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Heather
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Hey, Maria. I'm just passing through today, but for sure, links over 10 years old which have not been currently updated should not be considered to have current information, be they here or anywhere else. We've recently tanked the old FAQs -- mostly made of old links -- for this reason.

And I'm with Robin in talking to this new GYN: you can explain to them what your sexual activity has and hasn't involved just like you have here, but to get your needs met, I'd be sure and let them know that you have been struggling with consistent pregnancy anxiety around these activities.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Alright. That makes sense. I mean a lot has been researched and discovered in the past ten years, so yeah.

I will definitely talk to my gyno about these things, and thanks for telling me how to go about it. I'm just glad I get to go finally after talking to my mom!

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Heather
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I'm so glad for you! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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I don't need to tell my gyno I need a pregnancy test, right? Since what all you've told me?
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Robin Lee
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You can share with her that you've been concerned, if you would like to, but there's no reason to take a pregnancy test at the doctor, especially if you've already taken one.

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Alright [Smile]
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Robin Lee
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Good luck with your appointment. When is it?

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Robin

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m_azul
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Well, I'm not sure. I'm going to the same place as my mom, and she was going to make me an appt the other day while she was on the phone, but they wouldn't allow her to do that bc of the privacy laws or whatever it's called. She talked to them on friday in the evening, and she gave them my number and they're supposed to call me. It'll probably be Monday or Tuesday before I hear from them. My appt will probably be soon after that. I'm glad to hear my first visit will be just a sit down and discuss for the most part lol
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m_azul
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Hey! I also wanted to add that I took some more advise and found a good, trustworthy friend to confide in. I told her, and I feel soooo relieved [Smile] of course, she doesn't, she had unprotected sex and didn't take an EC, and now she's afraid. I've told her what you all say on here, but she is still scared. I would be too, though. But she had full on unprotected sex and genital contact while I had dry humping, no ejaculation, and one layer of clothes--- so I'm pretty sure I'm the one who never should've freaked out. Especially compared to her. Poor girl [Frown] but yes, it did help me. And I think just having someone to talk to helped her as well. Thanks [Smile]
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Robin Lee
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Go you for sharing with someone.

Have you heard from the doctor's office yet in regards to making an appointment?

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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They're taking forever! They did email the other day asking for my info so I suppose they're in the process.
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Robin Lee
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You can always call them yourself and check on the process.

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Robin

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m_azul
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I believe I will have to! But I just wanted to let you know I took some more advice and it helped [Smile]
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Heather
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Maria: I was so glad to see you opened up to a friend, and it sounds like in this case, your friend wasn't as far from your own experiences as you thought!

Sounds like the two of you each have someone to talk with about these issues now, and that's so great. Good for you for taking that step. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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HELP! I was talking to my bf today, and apparently he wasn't very honest with me. He told me he honestly couldn't remember if he came in his shorts that one time we dry humped [Frown] he said he may have but didn't wanna say anything to cause more worry. I am hurt, but also scared to death again.. My belly has felt squirmy lately, but I though it was probably gas (past two, three days) I took a test the day before my period came, and got a negative. I also got a "period" with clots and filled up atleast 2-3 pads completely. Of course I changed frequently so I didn't conpletely fill up any more. My "period" was 4 or 4 1/2, but they are usually 6 or AT LEAST a good five days. What do I do? [Frown]
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Claire P.
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I'd just like to cut in here to show you my ST blog post with a very short and clear explanation of dry-humping and pregnancy risk:

http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/clairep/2012/10/25/dry_humping_freakout

Can you take a look at it and then let us know what exactly you're scared of, based on the facts and how they relate to your particular situation?

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Claire P.
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Also, just so you know, it's not unusual for periods to change in duration and intensity without an identifiable "cause." Dry-humping not being a risk in itself aside, I don't see why you have quotes about the word period, since there is no obvious problem in what you are describing.

[ 11-16-2012, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]

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m_azul
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The reason I was worried is bc they all asked me in my previous posts "was there ejaculate?" And I thought that meant a preg risk if he did ejaculate. So I'm okay? I was fine til he told me today he was pretty sure he ejaculated. He was wearing shorts while I was naked like in your blog, but are you saying that there was NO risk? And okay about the period thing.
Thanks so much for such a fast reply.

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m_azul
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.
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Heather
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I fear it sounds like we're going back in circles again. [Frown]

Let's keep the forward movement happening, okay?

We've already discussed, a lot, how pregnancy does and doesn't happen, and between the link Claire just gave you and previous conversations, I believe we have already also discussed how when people are dressed -- like your partner wearing shorts -- pregnancy isn't something that is going to happen.

And also, again, you have had a menstrual period, you have had a negative pregnancy test, both after this incident.

My best advice is to stop going over and over this previous stuff in your head again or in conversations with your partner unless it's to note what happened before in order to make clear you want to do things different again. Staying stuck on this is just going to have you staying stuck in an endless loop of anxiety.

How about we make an agreement that from here on out, we no longer discuss any sexual activity that occurred for you in the past, period? And instead, if you want to keep talking, discuss your *feelings* now, or help you might need making choices now, or questions you have about sex, sexuality, sexual health or relationships based on this day forward and the future? I just think all that's happening if we keep talking about these past incidents is that we're helping you to stay stuck in anxiety, and that's the last thing we want to do. It's also totally nonproductive for you and us. Okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Okay [Smile] from here on out, no past.

The reason I am currently experiencing fear is bc of events from the past. I thought that whether the guy ejaculated or not made a difference when there was only one layer. But that clears my fears up A LOT if I know if made no difference. I did like Claire's post though.

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Heather
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Well, events of the past have triggered those fears, but they aren't all that has been triggering them, and the fear? That's present-tense. I also have the sense, as you and I have talked about before, that these fears and anxiety are about a lot more than these past events.

(After all, some people will have been in the same situations, right, and not felt the way you do and also easily let the fears go with something like a period and negative pregnancy tests or all the information we've shared. So: not simply about what happened, if you catch my drift.)

But let's try this agreement, and I appreciate your willingness to give it a shot. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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I catch your drift. I think you mean "Maria... Chill!!!" Lol. But I am sorry. I just got so afraid and wanted to make sure it didn't make a difference. Now I'm clear it did not and I shouldn't freak. Plus, I've had a period. And yeah I think the anxiety stems from what we discussed before

So if a guy full on ejaculates through one layer and its right at your vagina it can't get you pregnant?

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m_azul
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Also, just curious is it even norm to dry hump with one layer? Do people do that often and still end up okay?

And I've heard that Suzanne Somer's first baby was born that way... But idk. Apparently she wrote a book about it?

I just kinda want to talk this out.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey Maria,

I think we've already answered that second question, and to the first one, who are we to say what's the norm?

I feel like you can already know this from reading what we've already said.

As you acknowledged yourself your anxiety is the problem here.

I would say that it might be useful for you to train yourself to recognise that in yourself, and when you find you're worrying with a new question to step back and say "This is the anxiety speaking"... especially for you, if it's a question about dry humping. It can be your bat-signal. You might even write it on a poster and stick it on your wall (or that might just be the quirky sort of thing I'd do) "Remember: If I'm worrying about dry humping it means I'm anxious"

I know that won't make everything ok, and it doesn't mean you won't still feel like you need someone to talk to. That is totally ok... You can come here when you're feeling that way... you just don't need a question about dry humping to come tell us how you're feeling. Some of the help you might need could take a long time for even you to work out. But saying "I'm feeling anxious again, what can I do about this?" might be much better for you and us than another question about pregnancy or sti risks. As heather said above it could be better to speaking about your feelings.

I have problems with anxiety myself, but for me the issue can be the opposite, I'll say I'm anxious and someone will ask me what I'm anxious about... the truth is that what I'm anxious about usually isn't the root of my anxiety and it's me who needs to work to move the conversation back to the anxiety itself as something that I need to deal with. I've done things like spoken to my doctor, my university, I have some on going support at uni and I'm on the waiting list now for some 1-on-1 therapy.

"What can I do about anxiety?" is a bigger question but it is a question which can be answered, and when it is, it also takes time to make the steps outlined in those answers.

So this is all within reach.

[ 11-17-2012, 05:10 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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m_azul
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Okay. Well.. I'm having this anxiety, and I feel so terrified. I saw on planned parenthood where semen could soak through one layer, and create a pregnancy. So for starters, that freaked me out.

Another thing, my bf and I are having trouble bc he and I are having "sexual relationship problems". He's sexually frustrated and is taking it out on me pretty hard. That also makes me think "if I were to be pregnant, it would be awful right now". So That's reason 2 for my anxiety. I just don't know what to do. This is the only site I've found that says it was impossible. Not that I don't trust you, it's just scary stuff when I'm going through so much relationship issues.

I understand ppl need a "sexual outlet" but idk what to do :/

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Robin Lee
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HI Maria,

First of all, remember that you had a negative pregnancy test. IN terms of whether anyone can get pregnant from a specific sexual activity, that's the most important thing to remember for yourself--that you've already tested and you're not pregnant.

In terms of your relationship, I'm sorry you're going through these frustrations. You are not responsible for your boyfriend's sexual frustrations. IN any sexual relationship, the person who doesn't want a sexual activity is always the one who gets to decide what the sexual interaction will be, so you don't need to feel guilty about saying that you don't want certain sexual activities. It's your body and you're perfectly entitled to do so.

So, what would help you most right now?

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Okay Robin.

Well the first thing that would help is to know I took the test at the right time, bc I've been worried about that. I took it 29 days into my cycle, and it was about 18 days after the situation (at the least) was this enough time?

Also, if my bf would calm down it would help out a great deal as well.

I apologize that I keep coming back and coming back [Frown] my belly has been kinda swollen (but i do have irritable bowel syndrome...) and its poking out so it scared me. Or I could just be gaining weight, idk. But I'd just like to know if you think that one test was sufficient and accurate, and taken at the right time? Do I need another? But yes I did have a period...

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Robin Lee
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If you had a period, and a negative pregnancy test (the timing was fine), you're really okay.

Can you talk a little more about the stress between you and your boyfriend?

--------------------
Robin

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