Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
Hi santi234 and welcome to Scarleteen,
By sex, I think you mean intercourse, which is one kind of sex out of many. Have you and your partner engaged in other sexual activities with each other? Have you and your partner been able to discuss your worries about engaging in intercourse for the first time?
When you say you're ready, what do you mean by that? That is, what else indicates to you that you're ready besides not worrying?
WE often say here that any sexual activity should feel good before, during and after it happens. Feeling good before the sexual activity includes feeling comfortable with the idea of happening--that is, not worried or anxious about it.
We have a readiness checklist that people can go through to figure some of these things out, and I'll link to it below. I'd also encourage you to share how you're feeling with your partner, so the two of you can support each other.
I just want to add that 'biting the bullet' with sex that we don't really feel ready for is usually something very damaging to us emotionally.
Sparing people trying to reproduce (and even then, there's often the element of fun) or survive, sex is largely done for fun; to relax, for comfort, etc. If we're worried, we can't relax properly, which often means we can't become fully aroused (or aroused at all) which can lead to uncomfortable, sometimes painful sex that also makes us wind up feeling terrible emotionally.
So, my best advice to you would be to take sex completely off the table for now, until it's something you feel 100% ready for.
[ 11-13-2012, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: Rei ]
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