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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Really worried about first time sex, should I wait until not really worried?

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Author Topic: Really worried about first time sex, should I wait until not really worried?
santi234
Neophyte
Member # 99608

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I'm male 20 and been in relationship for over a year.

I'm really worried about having sex for the first time. I want to have sex but I'm feeling really worried.

Shall I just do it anyway?

OR

Should I wait until a time that I'm not feeling so worried?

ANSWER THIS:

I want to have sex, I feel I'm ready but sometimes I'm really worried about it. So now that I know I'm ready, do I have sex even if worried? Or wait until I'm ready and not really worried?

I'm thinking I should wait until NOT really worried?

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Hello

Posts: 4 | From: Ireland | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi santi234 and welcome to Scarleteen,

By sex, I think you mean intercourse, which is one kind of sex out of many. Have you and your partner engaged in other sexual activities with each other? Have you and your partner been able to discuss your worries about engaging in intercourse for the first time?

When you say you're ready, what do you mean by that? That is, what else indicates to you that you're ready besides not worrying?

WE often say here that any sexual activity should feel good before, during and after it happens. Feeling good before the sexual activity includes feeling comfortable with the idea of happening--that is, not worried or anxious about it.

We have a readiness checklist that people can go through to figure some of these things out, and I'll link to it below. I'd also encourage you to share how you're feeling with your partner, so the two of you can support each other.

Here's that checklist:

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

What do you think based on what I've said here, and on this checklist?

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Robin

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santi234
Neophyte
Member # 99608

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I want to have sex and we have spoke about it.

I just don't know weather to bite the bullet and do it no matter how worried or wait until I am feeling less worried.

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Hello

Posts: 4 | From: Ireland | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Do you want to talk about what it is you are worried about?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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I just want to add that 'biting the bullet' with sex that we don't really feel ready for is usually something very damaging to us emotionally.

Sparing people trying to reproduce (and even then, there's often the element of fun) or survive, sex is largely done for fun; to relax, for comfort, etc. If we're worried, we can't relax properly, which often means we can't become fully aroused (or aroused at all) which can lead to uncomfortable, sometimes painful sex that also makes us wind up feeling terrible emotionally.

So, my best advice to you would be to take sex completely off the table for now, until it's something you feel 100% ready for.

[ 11-13-2012, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: Rei ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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