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Author Topic: Friends With Benefits?
Member # 95505

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I met a boy six months ago at the end of the school year last year and we became close friends immediately. During the summer we talked about starting a relationship once school started again and we made promises to wait until both of us are ready to have sex. Now back in school, neither one of us have brought up dating eachother and there is this weirdness between us because last month we started having manual sex. Now I was against it from the beginning but he always pressured me into it when he said "Don't you want to make me happy?" so I gave in. When I ask him if he just wants me for sex, he says no but I think he is lying so I told him that I wouldn't do anything else until he and I got together. Now, he is very rude and doesn't text me or call me or even look at me anymore and I feel guilty. I miss him but I don't miss the things that he wanted us to do. My head keeps telling me to forget about him but my heart won't let that happen. Sometimes I think maybe if I just give him what he wants then he will stay with me. I want him to be happy but I want to be happy too. What should I do?
Posts: 5 | From: Dover,DE | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I think it might help to think about how someone could actually be happy by treating someone else poorly, or by guilt-tripping someone into having sex with them.

You're describing someone who has coerced you into sex: we'd not advise anyone be around someone like that, let alone have sex with them, because that's very emotionally abusive and unhealthy. In a word, this isn't a safe place for your heart, at all.

So, even though you clearly have feelings for this person, can you recognize that being with them obviously isn't a good idea, and can't result in any kind of real happiness for either of you?

P.S. I think that it's important, when deciding about a friends with benefits scenario, to think about if a) there really ARE benefits for everyone, and b) if anyone really IS friends. Sometimes, both of those things are present, and both people really being friends to each other and mutually benefitting is important to everyone involved.

But in this case, it certainly doesn't sound like this person is any kind of a friend to you, and I also don't see any kind of benefit, sexual or otherwise, for you in this picture.

[ 11-03-2012, 01:37 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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