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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Masturbation Overwhelming, Too Intense

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Author Topic: Masturbation Overwhelming, Too Intense
ricecakepanda
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I've been having sex for a little while now, but have never experienced orgasm, so I decided to buy a vibrator and try to stimulate myself to get practice. I've tried using it, but it's difficult to get myself all the way to orgasm because it's such an overwhelming feeling that I have to stop. I'm not even sure that it feels good, exactly--I think it probably does, under all the intensity, but the intensity is just so much that it's hard to focus on the pleasure. Pretty much what I'm doing is pressing the vibrator against my clitoris and going through various levels of vibration. Using lube helped a little, but I'm still having a similar issue. Is this really what it's supposed to feel like?

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ricecakepanda

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Robin Lee
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Hi ricecakepanda,

No, it's not supposed to feel uncomfortable. [Smile]

Vibrators aren't enjoyable for everyone. Some people do find, as you're describing, that they're too intense.

There are actually a lot of different ways people masturbate, so you could experiment with some alternatives and see if they're more pleasurable.

There are some ideas and perspectives in this article: How Do You Masturbate?


When you say you've been having sex but haven't been able to reach orgasm, are you talking about sexual intercourse specifically or partnered sexual activity in general? Many women find that intercourse by itself doesn't lead to orgasm, so they engage in other sexual activities with their partners, incorporate clitoral stimulation into intercourse, or both.

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Robin

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ricecakepanda
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Thanks so much Robin! I have tried other tactics, some of which are listed in the article you linked, but haven't found them to be effective enough to get me to reach orgasm. A vibrator has been the most effective way to get me to feel something, but now it seems that I can't deal with that feeling.

I mean sexual intercourse specifically. I've tried guiding my partner to my clitoris, for example, but he doesn't really seem to get it....

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ricecakepanda

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September
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It's also possible that the particular vibrator is simply too strong for you. Vibrators come in different intensities. One thing you could do is go back to the store where you bought it, and ask the sales person if they can recommend a vibrator that's a bit less intense than the one you have now.

As for partnered sex, how do you feel with manual or oral sex? Have you given those a try? How does that stimulation work for you?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Claire P.
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Ricecakepanda,

I'm not quite clear on whether you're saying you have been able to orgasm before, with or without a partner, or whether your question now is simply that you have not experienced a vaginal orgasm during partnered penis-vagina sex.

BUT regardless, I just wanted to note, that if your question is about the last one, as Robin mentioned, only around 30% of women can orgasm from partnered penis-vagina sex alone. When you say you've "tried guiding" your partner to your clitoris, have you explicitly told him what the deal is and/or what you would like him to do?

Many people (especially many males, it seems) think it is the norm for women to vaginally orgasm- that's pretty much what we see in all magazines, movies, etc. If you want him to stimulate you in other ways during sexual intercourse, you may have to directly communicate this desire to him, and maybe explain the real 30% vs 70% deal if he is confused.

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ricecakepanda
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I haven't experimented very much with manual/oral sex, and to clarify I mean I have never experienced an orgasm before.

It sounds like I should try finding a less intense vibrator/being more explicit with my partner about the deal with my clitoris/experimenting with oral sex or something different? Thank you for all of the advice!

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ricecakepanda

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September
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Yep! There is no one-size-fits-all approach to sex, and especially if you are new to things, the key to finding what works best for you is trial and error. And that's half the fun anyway!

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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