Okay, so i dated this boy Brennan. I was in love with him and i still am! When i see him in the halls i just start crying because i miss him! We have talked about us but he always says that he isn't a good person for me because he has done things with other girls and im a virgin. i have told him that that was in the past and that it doesnt bother me because i love him for him and i dont judge him for his actions! Is there anything I can do to get him back? please help! thank you!
Sorry to hear you're not able to start a relationship again with this person. It can be horrible to feel like you care about somebody but they don't want the same things as you.
I do think it's important to respect his decision, as it sounds like a good representation of how he's feeling.
Loving someone and caring about them, for me, means also supporting them in their decisions. Sometimes that can really play with our emotions but there are many levels on which our relationships and attractions work and love is only one way of describing that.
Relationships can be good for us because of wanting similar things with eachother, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, and socially.
But for me you guys a already want different things, even about whether or not you want to be in a relationship. You've not spoken about it more but it is possible you also have differences about what you want sexually. I'm a little sad to hear that he feels conflicted about his past sex life, but I get the impression he is interested in more sexual activity than you and has seen that ahead of time. It might not feel like it, but it's possible that it's a way of him caring about you to avoid a relationship in which maybe he knows you want different things.
Moving on from this stuff is hard but I really think that a caring interraction between you guys can mean giving him the respect for his decision and him keeping from starting a relationship with you that he doesn't want and that he thinks would make you unhappy given the different needs you seem to have.
I wish you all the best but given what it seems you want from a relationship, it sounds like it could be good for you to hold back from trying to make it work with him right now.
Investing in your own time and friendships can help a lot too.
I hope you're ok. All the best.
[ 10-26-2012, 07:59 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011
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