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Author Topic: Worried after asking, and idk why :(
m_azul
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Hey there. I have recently became a member of this awesome website, and I have discussed with several volunteers about my past worries. (I suppose you guys can look up my prior posts)
After receiving answers, I still find myself worrying all the time except for when I'm either asleep or just busy busy busy. But as soon as I get the chance, I start worrying in an instant. Do you all have any advice?

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m_azul
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I apologize for posting so many questions.
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Heather
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Hey Maria: so sorry we overlooked this. I assure you, it's not because you asked too many questions.

Unfortunately, I'm just heading off for the night. But I will make a note to be sure to get back to you in the morning.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Maybe, by the way, you can leave me some notes on what it is you're still worrying about?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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Oh no, it's totally fine. I've had some spare time lately and I've read SO much on here so I see how busy this website is!

Okay, so I figure you are still able to view my other topic we discussed earlier.

I just don't know. I've looked and looked at where we discussed my fear or a risk, and it's still in the back of my mind. I have barely had any fun. I'm just terrified. I was wondering if you could give me any advice about my worry? I can't wait for my period! It's still 10-12 days away though.


But like I said, do you have any ideas in the meantime? I know all of you told me not to worry. I'm so sorry but idk what to do.

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Robin Lee
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HI Maria,

Looking through the previous topic thread, it looks like you learned a lot about what is and isn't a pregnancy risk. It also looks like you had some talks with your boyfriend about your feelings around sexual activities, what you were and weren't comfortable with, etc. Does that sound like a good summary of all we talked with you about?

If so, could you tell us what is still worrying you?

Do you understand what makes the sexual activity you engaged in not a risk for pregnancy?

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Yes ma'am I understand there wasn't a risk bc of his shorts.. . I just still worry because my ovaries have had a tight feeling, I haven't felt good, and I had brown discharge twice. All this is so out of the normal for me.
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Robin Lee
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Yeah, it's scary when your body does something you're not used to it doing. *gentle smile*

The thing with menstrual cycles is that, for a lot of people, they're not going to be the same all the time. This is particularly true for people who have been menstruating for only a few years.

A lot of times when people talk about these changes or variations, they talk about the length of the cycle, or when someone's period is going to come. These variations, however, can be small ones like having more or less cramping than usual, experiencing mid-cycle spotting, and other variations to what people experience as "normal" for them.

Cycles can also be specifically affected by stress. Since you were pretty worried about pregnancy risks, I'm suspecting that your mind and body were experiencing some stress.

Of course, now it's a bit frustrating since the physical changes you're experiencing are also causing you stress.

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Okay. My mom is always telling me my cycles can change and stuff. And about the stress part, yes! I've had sooo much stress lately and not just through worrying about what I discussed with you all. I feel like I'm stressed about everything!! But as soon as I calm my nerves and sit down to relax, I think oh my gosh "what if...?" and I don't know how to handle it.
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Robin Lee
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HI Maria,

Yeah, it's tricky to get one's mind to just stop going places we don't want it to go.

Have you had this level of worry in the past about anything? If so, how have you handled it?

I'm assuming that the "what-if" is worrying that you could be pregnant.

One thing I can suggest is that every time your mind goes to that what-if, you respond to it by doing something that reminds you that the what-if just isn't possible, such as reminding yourself it isn't possible, or even rereading the thread in which we talked about those concerns.

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Yes I have worried this much before. It's only about serious matters though. Like if someone in my family is doing really bad or something like that. I usually stop when I find out everything is okay though.

And alright... I've been trying to reread things and remind myself.

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Robin Lee
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Nodding...worrying about things like that is understandable.

How is the rereading and reminding working for you?

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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It helps alittle, but my boyfriend has started worrying now. That helps so much.. Not really [Frown] he says clothes don't take the place of condoms. Which they don't, but still... Y'all said it was ok...
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Robin Lee
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Clothes don't take the place of condoms if there's contact between bare genitals. That is, you wouldn't want to, say, use a sock instead of a condom for intercourse.

However, dry sex or dry humping don't count as sexual activities where a condom is required. They are, by their very nature, sexual activities that have no risk of pregnancy.

Have you shared the articles we linked you to with your boyfriend?

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Oh okay. I don't even know if what we did would be considered "dry humping" since he didn't really press on me. Well maybe a couple of times by accident/in the moment. but not a lot...

And no I have not shown him any of this, I've just tried to explain. Maybe I should.

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m_azul
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So when I show him this, you're 100% sure there is nothing to worry about though there was only one layer, with precum only, and even though I spotted on days 17 & 18 of my cycle?

Sorry I just want to make sure for when he sees.

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Robin Lee
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The sexual activity you described does not pose a pregnancy risk.

When the two of you read the articles together, you'll see that it says several times that when clothing is involved there is no risk. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Alright thank you Robin [Smile] I appreciate you talking to me. Sometimes just talking to someone and getting reassurance makes all the difference in the world!!!
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m_azul
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So you all haven't heard of anyone getting pregnant this way?


Because today especially, I'm having nearly every pregnancy symptom except for throwing up.

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Robin Lee
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No, we really haven't heard of anyone getting pregnant that way.

And you know, even if you were pregnant it would be far too early for you to be having a whole bunch of pregnancy symptoms.

I don't know what precisely you're experiencing, but most of the symptoms related to pregnancy are also related to other things, including stress.

Have you seen this article yet?

Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Oh... I didn't know that. I guess I am having symptoms that could go along with stress. or maybe PMS even since my period is due the 28th. And I just wanted to know if y'all had heard of it.
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Robin Lee
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Hope that helps you feel a bit better. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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It does actually. I am just ready for my period to come. I've never been so ready to bleed lol. I'm sure it'll be okay, it's just waiting.
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Robin Lee
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Yup, waiting is tough. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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It is. But I have one last question. If I did what I explained, then fingering took place, that doesn't change the risk does it?

I read somewhere that fingering after things could cause a risk, because sperm/pre-cum could be pushed up into the girl. But if he was wearing shorts, nothing would've gone through to push up, right?

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Robin Lee
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Right. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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m_azul
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Hey guys... I looked at the shorts he was wearing as I was doing his laundry and they're quite thin [Frown] does that make a difference? There aren't huge holes.
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Karybu
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No, it doesn't make a difference.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
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I hear that you're still worried. Let's see if we can't figure out why so we can be sure we're addressing the real issue here, okay?

Do you, at this point, understand that sperm cells are very delicate, easily damaged, and can't just move around on their own? In other words, that in order for a pregnancy to occur, it really requires very specific conditions, conditions that clothing assure aren't there?

As well, since you're still worried, and I believe enough time has passed, have you taken a pregnancy test?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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I do understand. And I keep telling myself that over and over... I mean if I didnt have a risk, I don't want to make my bf go through getting a test, but I just keep thinking of things and being like "oh crap I left out something"

But when I asked you previously if an EC pill was necessary and you said no... I mean being an expert you probably never would've said that if there were the slightest risk...

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Karybu
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Sometimes, even if we know that we really haven't had a risk, it can be a big stress reliever to see a negative result on a pregnancy test. If you're finding that going over the information we've given you isn't a help, taking a pregnancy test might be that extra piece of evidence you need.

Per your worry, what do you think would happen if you were to get pregnant? (Not saying that you are, just trying to work out what about pregnancy it might be that worries you so much.)

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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m_azul
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Can I ask about the last part of my last message? Heather would've never said no about an EC pill without the slightest risk, right?

And I understand. I just don't want to because of financial needs, I attend church, my family, etc. oh and I'm in college right now. But I'm just curious about my question above. I think if that were answered I'd have more peace of mind.

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Karybu
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If any of us, including Heather, thought you had a risk, we would absolutely have made that clear.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
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I really do think that until/unless we can get to the root of these fears and worries and talk about those, all we're likely to do is keep going in circles here, where we keep making clear you didn't post about anything we know to be a real risk, but you keep worrying.

I'd asked if you tested yet: have you?

I hear you saying that you are afraid of a pregnancy right now because it's not something you can afford (I assume that also includes being unable to afford an abortion), because -- from the sounds of things -- both your church and your family would disapprove, and you see a pregnancy derailing your education. Do I have that right?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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m_azul
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No I have not tested, and yes ma'am you have that right.
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