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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Panic from the boyfriend

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Author Topic: Panic from the boyfriend
She Runs To Eat Chocolate
Neophyte
Member # 37324

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Hello there,

I had sex with my boyfriend Sunday morning, Thurs morning and Saturday morning. He had a condom every single time, and it didn't come off or break at any time, although, he said he was having difficulty feeling anything with the condoms, and sometimes he'd had to pull out and try arouse himself in order to become "hard" again.

It happened each session, he'd have to do it several times, but he never took off the condom. And before he ejaculated each time he would withdraw and just play with himself.

For this morning though, he was a bit panicky, he said before he ejaculated he saw "something whitish" in the condom (I said to him it was the lube of the condom, as the condoms have the slippery feel, i assumed it was from that), but he said it was IN the condom and not out of the condom.

He felt nervous and told me what if it was a "leak" and he asked me to take emergency contraception. I told him condoms don't leak unless they break (which it didn't and he only came AFTER HE pulled out). I felt that I didn't have ANY pregnancy risk!

For his sake, I did, although I wasn't happy about it because I'd be sick all of Saturday!

I told him to read up, but i still took it just in case.
Am I right though, that I didn't ahve any real pregnancy risk?

Posts: 29 | From: The Giant Coco-Nut-Nut-Nut | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Yep, you are.

Have you two been able to talk about if he actually feels up to any of this? In other words, either per this kind of sex in general, or with this combo you're using for birth control (condoms + withdrawal), is he feeling okay about it? Doesn't sound like he is, so I think talking about that rather than getting stuck in a panic about a non-risk is probably going to be a lot more fruitful (and certainly a lot less frustrating for you).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
She Runs To Eat Chocolate
Neophyte
Member # 37324

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*sigh* We talk about it alot, but I guess he's just scared he's making a mistake or something's wrong. Sometimes he pulls out to check if "everything's in place", when I know he doesn't have to do that because he put on the condom properly.

I've been reading up a lot on the resources here, and I guess he hasn't, so I have told him to read in order to feel more at ease...
I have reassured him that we are quite safe with the combo of birth control.

Anyway, I'll show him some of the articles here.
Thank you for your help! It is very much appreciated [Smile]

Posts: 29 | From: The Giant Coco-Nut-Nut-Nut | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Would you say he's expressed that he feels confident in the condom + withdrawal as a method? Or that he might feel better combining two methods where one is less goofproof and more effective?

In other words, both those methods do rely a LOT on the user, and *can* be more likely to fail due to user error than other methods can. They're also less effective in typical and perfect use than some other methods.

Obviously, adding another method, unless he wants a vasectomy, is going to be something you'd have to be open to do, too, so if you're not, than if he'd feel better, that's a little moot, excepting the fact that you two obviously also have the option of just taking intercourse off the table.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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