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soccer06
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Hi Scarleteen,

I was wondering if you guys have any advice on dealing with jealousy? My boyfriend talks to a bunch of other girls (which i'm completely fine with), but a couple of them drive me nuts just becuase they've either been old crushes of his or people that i've always thouht he used to flirt with....

Also, are pregnancy tests ALWAYS accurate the day after you take your last white pill of the pack and there isn't a withrawal bleed?

Thanks!

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Claire P.
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Hi there soccer!
To clarify your pregnancy test q: are you saying you took a pregnancy test one single day after you expected to have your bleed? (As in your bleed was at least/only a day late?) I personally would recommend you wait at least a week after when you expected to get your bleed before taking a pregnancy test- just because bleeds can sometimes be delayed for various reasons, and pregnancy tests are expensive! If you are worried about the accuracy of an over-the-counter pregnancy test, I recommend you schedule an appointment for a more official test.

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Claire P.
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Insofar as the jealousy thing goes- often jealousy is rooted in some kind of trust issue. That is, what do you think is at the root of your problem with your boyfriend interacting with these old interests? Are you worried your boyfriend might have his past interest reactivated? Or that one of these girls may be successful in "stealing" him somehow? Or maybe you can put your finger on something else that has to do with their interaction(s) that is worrying you?

Have you talked to your boyfriend after your worry?
I would not necessarily label it "jealousy" when talking with him, because "jealousy" in itself can often be seen as due to overblown/illogical reasoning and therefore it could make it easier to just dismiss the concern. But I *do* think it is a good idea to just mention to him that it makes you uncomfortable because they are past interests (although you should stress you're just looking for a discussion about your concern, you're not demanding he stop these interactions) and see what he says.

If his response is something along the lines of, "But those are just regular conversations, I like you which is why I am with you and not them," I think you can feel better about the situation.

If he replies in that fashion and you STILL don't feel better about the interactions, I think you should think a little more about where these feelings of anxiety are coming from- where your level of self-esteem is right now and why, plus where the level of trust is in your relationship vs where you think it should be, and why that is.

[ 09-12-2012, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]

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soccer06
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I'll actually be going to a phycologist for my self esteem pretty soon. My mom knows that both my sister and I don't have very much self esteem. I guess i'm just always worried of him finding somebody prettier, nicer, and somebody that he wouldn't EVER argue with. I would love to say "Don't talk to any other girls", but clearly it's not realistic and most importantly, not healthy at all. I'm just worried that they would be able to take him. I really don't want jealousy in my relationship...but don't know how to deal with it.
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soccer06
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And i'm also talking about taking the full placebo week, not getting my period, and taking the test the day I take my first active pill in the new pack. (I did this last month and it turned out negative..i'm wondering if it would be completely accurate by then)
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Claire P.
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Yes, that was enough time to wait to take your over-the-counter pregnancy test. If you are still worried, you can always schedule an appointment with your gyno/regular doctor to be given a pregnancy test, and thereby set your mind definitely at rest.

And glad to hear that you will be following up about your self-esteem with a psychologist! I know it can be difficult, but keep in mind that he chose YOU, which really means something.

Also, just about the arguing thing- I would be pretty worried about a relationship that didn't ever have arguing. All couples are going to disagree at some point, because we are human. It is MUCH more healthy to hear that couples are actively communicating and discussing their disagreements than sweeping them under the rug in favor of what could easily end in a lot of passive-aggression and secret resentment.

[ 09-12-2012, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]

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soccer06
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Yeah, I get what you're saying. I think maybe counsiling for my self esteem will help me out. I've been realizing that if I thought I was prettier, more outgoing, and a "varsity" athlete, I may not be as worried. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Also, I've seen on this site that pregnancy tests can also be accurate 2 weeks after a risk? Could I trust this? I've been taking my pills within about 30 minutes of each other this entire month (absolutely nothing past one hour at max).

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soccer06
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Yeah, I get what you're saying. I think maybe counsiling for my self esteem will help me out. I've been realizing that if I thought I was prettier, more outgoing, and a "varsity" athlete, I may not be as worried. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Also, I've seen on this site that pregnancy tests can also be accurate 2 weeks after a risk? Could I trust this? I've been taking my pills within about 30 minutes of each other this entire month (absolutely nothing past one hour at max).

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Heather
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I'd also add that as I often say, it's a person, not a purse. In other words, unless we are literally talking about a kidnapping, people can't "take" people. No one can "steal" your boyfriend. If someone chooses to leave a relationship to be with someone else...well, they're actively choosing to do that.

And the grass really always is greener. The idea that if only we were other kinds of people we'd feel better about ourselves is common, but not very realistic. There's no one kind of person -- be we talking about people being extroverted or introverted, a varsity athlete or not, looking this way or that one -- where those things will mean a person feels better about themselves than other folks do. Self-esteem, especially the kind that lasts, really comes from accepting who we are, as we are, identifying the things that make us feel most positive about ourselves and putting energy into them, and learning to be compassionate about the parts of ourselves that aren't our favorite.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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