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Author Topic: Pregnancy Paranoia
ana109
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Hello there.

As I was raised in a household that is quite conservative, and since I never really even was given the Birds and the Bees talk, well my sexual education isn't quite up to scratch. It doesn't help much either that I have quite an extreme anxiety disorder and that I can work myself up into states of physical stress over things like this.

It's become a very big issue to me, as I feel like something is wrong with me to have such a fear, and not be out there exploring my body like most people my age (first year University). It's also getting in the way of my long-term relationship with my boyfriend who, bless him, is very understanding.

Okay, the scenario goes as follows: my boyfriend performed manual sex on me (fingering) and he had all his clothes on (undies, boxers, jeans, etc)- according to him, and I believe him because I know he wouldn't lie to me about something like this, there was no semen, precum, seminal fluids of any kind on his hands, and if there was it would be dry or like the size of an atom.

The only time he touches himself there, is well, when he showers and uses the bathroom.

I guess I almost know the answer to my own question- but I really, really would appreciate if someone could answer this and give me some reassurance as to why there is absolutely NO WAY I could be pregnant. I have been told I need professional psychological help, which I probably do- but I first want to at least calm myself down at the matter of present. I have read probably every single one of your pregnancy risk/symptoms/articles and hundreds of posts (yes, I am that obsessive)- but I guess I'm just scared he did something by mistake without realizing (like touching himself while sleeping or something).

Please, please help. Thank you for your time.

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Please help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, then, if you've read those pieces, you've already had us tell you what you're asking, right? In other words, I can tell you that manual sex, period, doesn't present real pregnancy risks, but I'm betting that isn't going to make you magically feel better, since you've read me saying that already, and it hasn't helped.

You know?

It sounds like you've already identified what the likely real issue is here: a combination of the impact of a lack of sex education, sexual shaming, and a profound anxiety disorder. And no one telling you something logical is likely to help much with the latter two. Getting qualified help with those -- and perhaps stepping back from any sexual activity until you make some headway with them -- is something much more likely to result in you feeling differently than you do now.

See what I'm saying?

So, how about looking into that help it sounds to me, too, like you need, and that you also seem to know you need? Do you know where to get started on finding it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ana109
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They do offer student counseling on campus, but I guess the thing is I'm ashamed to go because then I would have to tell them what has made my anxiety disorder spiral so badly.

It does certainly help hearing from a stranger, I suppose because it feels a lot more objective and factual.

So, even if there was ,say, a miniscule amount of pre-cum on his hand, would the risk be so small as to negligible? I know that he does not pleasure himself, so there should not be sperm left over to be picked up by the pre-cum.

He is my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and now this. I don't think I'd be classified as too young as I'm 18. But...

Am I wrong to be doing these sexual things?

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Please help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think it can be helpful to remember that asking for help can often be really hard: it often takes sterngth and courage to do it.

I not only don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, but please also know that mental health providers know full well that anything and everything can trigger issues like anxiety. Most are also well educated on how many people carry a whole lot of shame around sex, and don't think sex or engaging in it is anything to be ashamed about.

In other words, I think your internal judgments here, probably from how you were raised, are things you're projecting unto other people. If you can set them aside just enough to seek out the help you need, I think it would really benefit you.

Like we've said in some of the pieces you have read, indirect contact simply isn't how pregnancy happens.

I don't think it's sound to ask what's too young or too old, or wrong or right about engaging in sex of any kind. Because these aren't things anyone can soundly answer universally: it's about what's right for you and what isn't.

Ideally, our sexual lives should benefit our mental health and well-being, so if and when they seem to not be doing that, or appear detrimental to it, it's a good idea to re-evalute our choices to try and figure out what sexual choices really are best for us at a given time. And from the sounds of things, you'd probably feel a lot better if you stepped back from any sexual activity that triggers your anxieties and/or shame until you made some headway with both of those things.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ana109
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I think what you have suggested is the best thing to do.

Just one last thing: My breasts have been quite sore lately when I press on them, and my nipples sensitive. I don't know if this is just because of me always squeezing them lately to check if they're sore and the nipples chafing from rubbing clothes against them (lol)- or if there is something more sinister (pregnancy) causing it.

I know I sound like a total idiot but there really is no one else I can talk to about this. My boyfriend is a guy, and he really doesn't understand what it feels like to constantly be aware and paranoid of every little thing happening in your body, and hoping that your period arrives , so I can't really talk to him about it.

Thank you so much for your support and advice Heather, it is very much appreciated.

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Please help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, we're here to provide information and education people want and need, and usually didn't get somewhere else. No one is an idiot because they don't have information because it wasn't given to them: not being taught or being given misinformation isn't on you, ana.

Breasts can be awfully sensitive, so for sure, squeezing them a lot could create soreness. Too, hormonal fluctuations -- the kind we have constantly, pregnant or not -- can create tenderness, as can some of what we eat or how we eat, weight gain or loss, a whole heapin' host of things.

You know, on top of using this website for the education you didn't get, it sounds like you might be helped by supplementing with some books? I've been noticing at Amazon lately that it's common for people to buy our/my book with the latest edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves, and that's struck me as a seriously great combo, one I think might also be a good one for you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ana109
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I will definitely purchase it, I definitely need to fill in some gaps with my Sex Ed!

I have definitely calmed down a lot compared to what I was like this morning.

So to clarify: I could definitely not be pregnant in this case no matter what symptoms I'm feeling or think I'm feeling?

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Please help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You've already read, it sounds, an awful lot about how pregnancy happens, enough to know that direct genital-to-genital contact and/or direct contact with semen (as in, directly from someone's penis) is how pregnancy occurs, right?

If so, why don't you tell ME the answer to this one. [Smile]

Also, were you able to read the self-helping article about pregnancy "symptoms?" If not, sounds like it might help here: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ana109
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Yes, I have read your article.

I have read most of your articles to do with pregnancy risks and symptoms probably twice every day!

Okay, I can see now I'm not thinking logically.

I have tried to contact numerous people from health boards, but so far the only replies I get are: "You need help." Not exactly the answer I'm looking for, as factual evidence is the only thing that tends to calm me down.

Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my questions! [Smile]

--------------------
Please help.

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Heather
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Save that I think it's clear facts are NOT calming you down. In other words, you've read the facts, but yet, here you are, still feeling like this. Do you get what I'm saying?

I think people saying you need another kind of help, probably are because it does seem clear -- to me, anyway -- that you do based on all you're saying and the ways you're expressing you feel around this. My guess is folks saying that really are trying to direct you to what they think will be most likely to help.

Too, if you haven't actually tried getting that kind of help, and HAVE tried factual research and know it's not doing it for you, it seems clear to me it's past time to try that something else.

I agree, it doesn't sound like you are thinking logically. Again, it sounds like this is coming from a place of stuff in your history and underlying anxiety, and those things aren't about logic, so logic doesn't tend to address or manage them well.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ana109
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Its more my history with my parents. I know the shame and humiliation that would come along if my parents ever found out. Oh well, guess this is me so I have to deal with it!

--------------------
Please help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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If it helps to know this, unpacking sexual shame or fear from how someone was brought up is pretty much THE thing that keeps sex therapists in business. It's most of what most of them do, every single day.

I'd try to set aside, as much as you can, ideas or feelings about what your parents would think. You're right: this is about you and about your life, and a part of life that doesn't actually include them, even though they -- like most parents -- obviously influenced your experience of it heavily so far.

But you've got to e the one to take care of you here, they're not going to do it, and no one else is going to. So, I really hope you can take a step to seek out some help that can get you en route to the good stuff. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ana109
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Why are my nipples so sensitive though? I've never suffered from sore breasts or sensitive nipples, even before a period (it should arrive within the next 4-5 days). Does clothing against them really cause such sensitivity? [Smile]

--------------------
Please help.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I really couldn't know. I mean, nipples DO tend to be sensitive, and that can change during different paeriods of our lives.

But for sure, some people have more sensitivity than others, so clothing can irritate the nipples of some folks, when it wouldn't for others. But you've also said you're messing with them a lot, so there's that.

To boot, when we have fertility cycles (when we're people who menstruate, basically), hormonal changes through those cycles can create breast changes, including more or less tenderness or sensitivity at certain times.

I also like to remind some of our users who come here with "never" things with their health or bodies that the vast majority of our users are not in their 80s. [Smile] In other words, a lot of things will likely happen with your body now and moving forward that didn't happen before, because bodies are in a constant state of change.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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