Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » idk anymore (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3   
Author Topic: idk anymore
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 9 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
why doesnt anyone want me to talk to them or want to talk to me? I feel like its happening again me being kicked to the curb and no one really cares that I am hurt and scared. Did I do something wrong to you guys that made you upset or something? Sorry for everything.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
diamonddust, perhaps you can give us some clarity on why you feel we are upset with you or don't want to talk with you.

From what I can gather, you've had several staff and volunteers talking to you very continually since you posted, and being very invested in you and how we can help. I certainly see no evidence no one here cares about how you are feeling, but perhaps you can try and express why you do feel that way? And maybe what different way of approaching you or talking with you would NOT have you feeling that way?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i know that you guys care about me. i just never hear it from anyone including my parents.. So i sometimes feel like if someone told me how they care about me or what ever. I mean i know i am asking for to much and know that i cant expect anyone to care bout me and show it or say it. I have noonans syndrome that has a lot to do with it. If you could look that up and maybe you would have more understanding about what i struggle with.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
By all means, having an extra condition on top of all of this has got to make it all the harder.

The advocate that you have: can you perhaps ask that person if they can themselves help you with getting more people into your life, like friends, people who can get to know you and can express care? Have you voiced the way you're feeling to the advocate and asked for help or extra resources for more help?

It's not asking too much, for anyone, for others to care about us, and for that care to be demonstrated actively. That's very basic, basic stuff, and I'm so sorry it sounds like you've had to go without it.

Also, I don't know if you identify your Noonan's as a disability, but if you do or are comfortable with that, have you looked into support groups or services for others with disabilities? That might be one other avenue of support and socialization so you feel less isolated.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i have a noonans syndrome support group and it helps they all go thro the same struggles as I do. Yes i would like you guys to check in with me and saying it in a caring and sensitive manner. Is that ok? I have a hard time talking to my advicate about my noonans i do talk to her about things and talk to her. I am sorry that I have caused problems on here. I feel bad please forgive me and dont be mad at me.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't see that you caused any problems at all.

And we certainly can continue to check in and demonstrate care, I'm just not sure if we can do what you need in that respect if the way we have already done so isn't feeling like what you want, based on this post here, that's all. And I'm not feeling like I understand any more of what has you feeling like we have not been caring, which makes it tough to figure out what changes we can make in our approach.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
no i know that you guys care about me. With my noonans its hard and a lot of people have pretended they care and really dont and say i was a waist of time when they are mad at me or something so i am always in constent fear that its going to happen to me again. Im sorry if i made you feel like the way you have described in your post above. I feel bad about that i really do. What can i do to make it better and not have something against anything

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No need to feel bad, and I don't feel bad. I just was trying to get at the source of why you were feeling bad, particularly about things we have control over, like the service we provide people here.

I think what you might be talking about with how people have approached you is about a sort of charity-care because you have a condition, versus care that's really about the whole person you are, and investment in that whole person. If that's what you mean, then for sure, that is awfully tough to deal with, especially since that kind of care is still people being nice, not mean, so calling them out on it or asking for what you really need can be so tricky. And, of course, if you feel like a heel already, or so down anyone saying no is terrifying, then asking is something you often won't even want to do.

[ 08-08-2012, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ya thats what I mean. Ya its hard and i often have trouble knowing who really cares and i want to know if you guys really care about me?

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, we don't know you yet very well.

In other words, everyone walking in the door here? We have basic care for. We care about them as whole people, as fellow human beings. We want to help them how we can, we want to be supportive.

And we also have some users who stick around long enough that we can get to know them beyond their questions or the crisis that they come here with, and so over time, we do get to care about them in a deeper way, the way I think you're looking for most.

It's like getting to know anyone, you know? Anyone who tells you they care about you as a whole person in a huge way before they even know you? That's just not real, because that's something that takes time. But we certainly are always glad to take that time for those who want to stick around. [Smile]

Do you get what I'm saying? Right now, this is more about care because something is wrong, not because there's anything about you that doesn't make you worthy of a deeper kind of care, but simply because you're new here and we haven't had time to get to know you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
(Btw, I've put in around a 12 hour workday here, so I'm afraid I have to shove off for the night. But I'll be back around tomorrow, and, as you know, other volunteers may pop up later on if you'd like to keep talking. Hope you can hang in there for tonight.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i am able to hang in there for the night and i know what you mean it takes time for someone to acctually deeply care about someone. I know that but i do plan on sticking around so i can get to know more and so you guys can get to know me more to. I feel like i am not really in a crisis but just wanting someone to talk to and listen. Does that make sense? I mean its hard for me to know how long it takes for that to happen and when to and when not to text someone or wanting to hang out with them. So i guess soical skills with the boundrie issues are a big struggle for me.I hope you guys can bear with me. I really dont know how long it takes for someone to care about someone more then a human instinct for on a deeper level. I hope that in the next month or so i can get that but i dont know.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'll check back in with you in the morning, and we can talk some more if you like. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ok sounds good. [Smile] i am sorry tho

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No need to be! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
am i supposed to be worried about what you have to say in the morning?

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There's really no "supposed to" with emotions - you feel however you feel, and if that's worried, that's completely valid. Do you want to talk about what it is more specifically that you're worried about?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5658 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
idk just about what she wants to talk about tomorrow. I mean is it bad am i going to get into trouble? All i really want is someone to care about me and eventually on a deeper level. I mean i know it takes time but how much time does it take? I am not really in a crisis i am just looking for someone i can talk to and that will listen to me. Does that make sense? I am worried that i will never have people care about me. I want some of you guys to care about me so i know i have someone who i can talk to or write on here and will get a respons in a caring manner and i dont know if i wll get that or not.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You are not going to get into trouble, I promise. What Heather was saying was just that if you want to keep talking with her when she's back tomorrow, you can.

To answer your question about how long it takes to get to know people....well, that really depends on the people in question. Not a very helpful answer, I know, but everyone is different in how quickly they open up to others, how quickly they trust others, that kind of thing, so for some people it takes a bit longer. It makes perfect sense that you want someone to talk to, and all of us here are happy to keep talking to you as long as you like. As Heather said, we may not know you very well yet, but you can always count on getting a response here, and that response will be supportive and respectful and caring.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5658 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks I have really bad anxiety. Your answer helped me. And I hope that I am able to. Let you guys get to know me better so it's just not human instinct you know. I mean that's what I really want is honesty and for people to really care bout me. Does that make sense? Or am I just rambling on a tangent. I have nt had an easy like but I know that there are people out there who have had a harder life then me. And all of my experience have made me stronger and that it will come in handy for e, some day. I Am going In to social work with aminor in chemical dependency. I want to work in child protection. I t makes me sick when someone decides to Buse or neglict a child in any way. I know I have good intentions at least I think so? What do you think?

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That sounds like a really wonderful career plan - I'd agree that you have very good intentions. And you're not rambling, so don't worry about that. Wanting people to be honest and really care about you: those are very human things to want, and you're definitely not alone in wanting them. [Smile]

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5658 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Do you think I will ever get that here? Is it o, if I come on here just to talk and get things off my chest with every thing that's going on even tho I may not be in a crisis? I want to thank you for everything ng it means a lot. [Smile]

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You don't have to be in a crisis to keep posting here. We can keep talking to you as long as you want. [Smile] Not everyone who comes to Scarleteen is in crisis; a lot of users just need someone to talk to. That's why we're here.

I can say that we already care about you, just as we care about everyone here. And, as Heather said a few posts up, over time, as we get to know you better, we will care even more.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5658 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks means a lot I have a good support system that I can count on. I will defently let you guys know how my appointment goes tomorrow. If that's ok with you guys still? I am still a little nervous about my appointment. It is really nice that my advocate is going to be there with me but it's still awkward that it's going to be a male doctor tho. I want to say thanks it really means a lot that I can count on you guys [Smile]

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Please do let us know how it goes! Many clinics will accommodate requests for doctors, so have you asked whether it's possible to have a female doctor (assuming you'd be more comfortable with that)?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5658 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
They don't have any female doctors I have had this doctor for 14 years so it's not like I have never net him. He is a very good doctor but it's just the fact of what kind of appointment I am having. That's why my advocate is going to be in the room when I am having my exam. I will for sure lefty you. Guys know how it goes to morrow. [Smile]

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm glad your advocate will be there with you to give you some support, and that you are familiar with this doctor. [Smile]

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5658 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ya it's nice that she is going to be there I am s5till a little scared tho. I still have not been able to get much sleep lately.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How you doing this morning, diamonddust?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am doing ok today for now. I am trying to stay poitive and happy all tho with not feeling any emotion really its hard. I have my apt today so i am a little nervous about that. I want to say thank you for all the caring words and support i am getting on here. I know that i can always count on you guys for support and help. I have my apt in about an hour and a half so i will be back on to let you know how that all goes. Thats ok right?

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Of course! I hope it goes well for you. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67075 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
thanks! :)for all the help.

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
HI Diamond Dust,

I'm taking some time off right now, but I remembered that your doctor's appointment was today so wanted to pop in and say that I hope it went well.


Take good care of yourself.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
foreverbroken
Activist
Member # 96418

Icon 1 posted      Profile for foreverbroken         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
my apt went ok. I had a urine test blood work done and they tried to do a pap but it was to painfull so he felt my oviares and cervax and i am getting an ultrasound done. I feel like crying right now i have so many emotions going through my head right now. My old advicate isnt texting me back my dad is always yelling at me my friends are ignoring my my dad is also upset or mad that i went to the doctor my mom and i are getting at eachother i have no where to go i feel like crying and doing something i used to do and i know thhat its not healthy and i am going to try not to do that instead use ice or a rubber band. I dont really know what to do i guess. I feel like there is a 1000 lb brick on my chest and its wont leave and i am tired i want sleep but i cant fall asleep tell between 2-3 and then my dad gets mad and angry if i sleep past 9am because i am waisting the day away and he has been up for 2 and a half hours workiing. I cant wait tell i go back to school but i am not so sure i am ready to go back i want freedome thats about it. I dont have that at home. I am constently the only one cooking cleaning doing the dishes and vacuming nad cleaning the bathrooms and on top of it if i have my room a tad out of place like a shirt on the floor or something he goes off the wall. Its like i am always walking on egg shells. IF he is happy then we are all happy. He also is a drinker but hides it and when he drinks he gets rough not abusive or anything he just doesnt know his own strenght when he has been drinking. He calls me fat and says i need to lose wieght and that there is a lot of stress on that button and so on. He even watchs what i eat that makes me feel bad. Its not my fault i have all of these medical problems but he makes me feel that way. I cant talk to any of them about how i feel so i am alone scared and hurt. I just want someone i can talk to and that cares about me. My own parents dont care about me. Sorry about the whole vent sech but i really needed to get it off my chest. [Frown]

--------------------
Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How do you feel about the way that doctor's appointment went? Were you able to address all of your concerns? Was your adcovate there with you to support you?

I am sorry to hear that your home life is so rough. If I understand correctly, you are in college and only home for the summer? If so, maybe you can focus your energy on figuring out what you would need in order to move out and live in your own place. I know that's a huge step and not something that you can do just like that, but that is precisely why thinking it through and planning in advance is a good idea. Maybe you could make a list of jobs you could search for, ways to find affordable housing, etc.

When do you go back to school?

--------------------
-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 8995 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 3 pages: 1  2  3   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen