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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » she doesn't want to take a test

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Author Topic: she doesn't want to take a test
Felix427
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we had manual and oral sex on Jul 11. In a moment I masturbated a bit and got some pre-cum on my hand. After a short while (ten seconds maybe?) I put my finger in side her vagina, just about an inch but she got hurt and also realised it could be a risk so I pull it out immediately. I assumed that there wouldn't be any problems. But even now she hasn't had her period yet. (it should be on Jul 15-20) last month she had it on Jun 17th.
after that day she told me that on Jul 13 she has vaginal discharge (no blood). she also said that she goes to to the toilet more frequently. she has also been tired recently but I think it's due to her really hard work. Other than that, she's not nauseous nor bloat nor cramps nor increase her apetite. Though I read that precum on my finger is an extreme small risk, we are still freaked out. I really need some reassurance [Frown]
but this is the serious part. I asked her to take a pregnancy test. but she is not comfortable with this and said that she didn't want to be scared like this. she also told me that she might not trust me like before since I did told her that it would be fine, and it's not. She has enough stress from her work so I don't want to pressure her. But this is very frustrating and stressful itself, to me at least. Should I wait until she finishes her work on Aug 16? I really don't know what to do right now [Frown]

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September
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You really cannot make your partner take a test. So, if she does not want to do that, you will have to respect that choice.

If you want to figure out whether you've had a risk to begin with, you can take a look at this article:
Pregnancy Scared?

There is also no point in looking out for pregnancy symptoms: it would be far too early for her to experience any, even if she was not pregnant.

Since it sounds like you both do not wish to become pregnant right now, it is a good idea for the both of you to get a better understanding of what does and does not pose a pregnancy risk, and how you can protect yourselves. Do you want us to help you with that?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Felix427
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yes please, I'd like to know more about the risks.

I can see that what we did is not really a risk. Maybe I'm just paranoid. If she was pregnant, it should have been about 3 weeks at most now, isn't it? when do the symptoms become clearer?

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September
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Alright. So this article should help you understand how a pregnancy is created, and which activities pose a risk:
Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

And these are great overviews over your options for protection and how they work:
Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To
Birth Control Bingo!
Condom Basics: A User's Manual

If this risk happened about three weeks ago, she would be barely two weeks pregnant by now, as it takes about a week for a pregnancy to complete. However, it is not advisable to go by symptoms, anyway: most symptoms of early pregnancy could also indicate anything from the flu to stress, so they are just not reliable.

The only two reliable signs are a missed period, confirmed by a pregnancy test. However, as you now understand, it takes more than some traces of pre-ejaculate to create a pregnancy, so there is no reason to worry about a pregnancy here. Too, your partner knows her body better than you, so if she does not feel that there is anything amiss, you will want to trust her in that.

What you can do instead is tell her about your fears, and figure out together how you both can make sure that you feel safer and more comfortable next time. For example, you can talk about which activities you feel safe engaging in, and which steps you two want to take to protect from both pregnancy and STIs.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Felix427
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Thanks a lot!
I will surely have a talk with my girlfriend about it.

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September
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You are welcome! I wish you the best of luck with that conversation.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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