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Author Topic: How to cope?
FBCH
Neophyte
Member # 96329

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When I was 13, I had and did the BIGGEST mistake of my life. I was walking with my friend to the corner store bc she doesn't like wakling alone. My mom told me to bring my dog along. We got to the corner store and we said good bye, see ya tomorrow. I saw my crush walking do the side walk so I tried catching up to talk to him. We got to his house so I started to say good bye. He cut me off to tell me that he has a puppy too. I was excited to see it, I love puppies, especially pit bulls. He brought it to the front yard where my dog and I were waiting. My dog started barking at the puppy so I pick her up and took her towards the cage in the back yard. He told me thing about the dog like where they got it from, when they got it, and that it belong to his mom. When I was done playing with it I put it in the cage which was on the ground. He was directly behind me when I stood up. He pushed me into a door and did inappropriate things that innocent 13 year old girls shouldn't know about. No, it wasn't sex but it almost was. How can a person completely get over this? What can I do to cope with this? I still have nightmares about this day and mightmares about if things went farther. Sometimes I have to stop myself from crying.

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- Sincerely FBCH

Posts: 12 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi FBCH,

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

I want to make one thing very clear: that guy sexually assaulting you wasn't because of a mistake that you made. People have every right to talk to people (and puppies) they like to talk to. He decided to take advantage of the situation. He knew what he was doing was wrong. It was not your fault.

Have you ever told anyone what happened? I know it's scary, because it's scary for many people who have had this happen to them, but talking to people, breaking the silence around this, is one of the things that is going to help it feel less scary and all-consuming for you.

There are counsellors specifically trained to help people who have been sexually assaulted. There are also hotlines you can call for support. ...and of course we're also here to support you and help you find the help you need.

You know, it's okay to cry. Sometimes when we stop ourselves from doing so, when we stop up our emotions like that, it just feels worse. If you need it, you have permission to cry. What happened to you was very bad and scary.

How can we be most helpful to you right now?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FBCH
Neophyte
Member # 96329

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I've told this guy who's like my best friend/boyfriend and my godsister, who has been in the same situation. I'm afraid to tell my mom bc she'll ask why were you with him and stuff like that. I just want to find away to completely get over this bc it makes me afraid to be around not just a group of guys but even one, including my best friend/boyfriend.

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- Sincerely FBCH

Posts: 12 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI FBCh,

How long ago did this happen?

How did your god-sister and best friend react? Do you feel like you can talk to them to get support?

I wish I could tell you otherwise, but there's nothing we or anyone can suggest that is going to help you just get over this completely overnight. The fact that you're having such terrible nightmares makes it pretty clear to me that your mind is trying to cope with this; unfortunately, it's doing so in a way that is causing you more pain and fear.

Recovering from something emotionally is somewhat like recovering from something physically. If we cut ourselves or break a bone, we feel pain right away, then, if we get the proper treatment for it it starts healing, but it still hurts and makes sure we're aware of it for a long time. For many people who break a bone, there may always be a little ache, either all the time, or just sometimes when it rains or when we've exercised more than that bone can handle.

You don't have to tell your Mom right now, if it doesn't feel safe or comfortable to do so. I think seeing a counsellor is something that would really be helpful to you in starting this healing process, and that's something we can do as you feel comfortable doing so.

WE have a couple of articles on sexual assault that i think you would find it helpful to read.

Dealing With Rape

Blinders Off:Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FBCH
Neophyte
Member # 96329

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Three years ago, you'd think I'd be so over it by now. My godsister was shocked bc someone knew how she felt and he was upset bc he wishes that he was there to prevent it. I don't think I can get support from my godsister but he bestfriend, maybe. And thanks for the articles.

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- Sincerely FBCH

Posts: 12 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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No one, at least no one here and no one who knows anything about sexual assault, would expect you to be "over it" by now if you're not. Everybody heals in different ways and at different times, and sometimes the burden of keeping something a secret for fear of what others are going to say is the heaviest burden of all.

We're happy to keep talking about this with you, and I definitely think it's a good idea to ask your friend if this is something that you can talk about with him/depend on him for support around. If that's something he feels he's not able to do, we can talk about other ways to find support.

I also think reading the articles I gave you would be helpful, and, I hope, help you feel less alone and less like it's something you have to "fix" all by yourself.

I wanted to let you know that I'm taking a little time off this weekend, but that I'm going to leave a note for the other staff and volunteers to make sure they check in with you.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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