Donate Now
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Not Sure What to Do

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Not Sure What to Do
Member # 96252

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Elemint     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

My girlfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I wouldn't say we're prudes but we're both 19 about to be 20 in college and haven't done anything sexual with anyone, even with each other, ever and are both virgins.

We both want to have sex but through our open discussions we are both still extremely worried and frankly freaked out about the possibility of pregnancy, especially considering we both are on scholarships and have no interest in becoming parents until our 30s. We've basically hit a dilemma where we both want to have sex, but are extremely paranoid that the 1-2% chance of failure would happen to us (knowing our luck haha) and ruin our lives. Neither of us are the types to want to wait til we're married and are extremely responsible, but also want to be able to express ourselves.

Birth control isn't something she's crazy about just because of the alleged side effects and even then I know there's always a chance regardless of what you do. I was just hoping to get some feedback from someone who waited til they were older or feels the same way we do.


Posts: 8 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Welcome to Scarleteen, Elemint.

Certainly, I'd say that if someone doesn't want to become pregnant, and also isn't willing to use at least one reliable method of contraception, then it's probably not a good idea for them to have the kind of sex that presents risks of pregnancy.

That said, not all kinds of sex present those risks, and I'd also say that talking about going right to the kinds of sex that do -- rather than becoming sexual more gradually -- often isn't a great way to go even when someone IS using contraception or does want to become pregnant.

So, perhaps you can give me a better picture of even why it is it sounds like you're leading by talking about the kind of sex that presents risks you don't want, or maybe doing things you're conflicted about (or she is), rather than starting with more basic stuff, and sexual things that don't pose risks you don't want right now?

(Just FYI, you posted this in the area of the boards where replies are from staff or volunteers only. Now, while I wouldn't say holding off on sex with a partner until 19 or 20 really is 'waiting until one is older," since that's still a fairly typical age for sexual debut, if you do want personal feedback from others in a similar spot, it might be best we move this to an area of the boards where our general users can answer, too. If you'd like that, just let me know!)

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 96252

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Elemint     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for your response, Heather.

We're definitely all for condoms...we're just both a bit paranoid since it's not "100%". I know there are plenty of people who use them correctly and successfully, but it's one of the many reasons we haven't done anything up to this point. Just wanted to get some feedback as to whether we're just being paranoid or what other options there may be that aren't too drastic.

We haven't participated in any other sexual activity, although less-risky types were what we saw as the original solution to the question. We're not in any rush, but we are bringing up these types of questions now (and have been for a few months now) and just want to be prepared when we do decide.

To us we sure feel like we're older than most! Not that that's important to us (if it was, well, we wouldn't have waited so long). It doesn't' really matter to us what we do, we'd rather just hang out anyway. I was raised by a single mother, so that's part of the reason why I really don't push the subject of sex with my girlfriend or any other girls I've dated as I feel that's respectful. But, we are sexual people and again would like to be prepared and on the same page rather than make any mistakes.

And sure, moving the topic to another location would be great.


Posts: 8 | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Search Scarleteen