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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Please help! Freaked out by my own vagina.

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Author Topic: Please help! Freaked out by my own vagina.
ricecakepanda
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Member # 96141

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I'm a 19-year-old female, and this is pretty embarrassing, but my own vagina really freaks me out. I'm too terrified and grossed out to:

1. Masturbate (with or without penetration). Penetration freaks me out just because it just feels really weird and odd to have something inside of you. I've never been able to actually touch my clitoris or other sensitive areas for pleasure because it just feels weird to put my fingers down there, and I am not at all sure what it will feel like and I don't want to do something that will hurt. Also, fluids and genitals freak me out a bit in general, so I don't really want to get my hands dirty or interact with something gross.
2. Use tampons. When I try, it feels kind of tight and I'm too scared to use much pressure to push it in because I don't want it to hurt. Also it's just an odd sensation that I'm not really used to. The only two times I've tried to insert one on my own, I've not only been unable to do it but I've gotten so grossed out and scared by the process that I've passed out. My mom has actually helped me do it a couple times, and while I was still afraid of the pain I let her do it even though I was totally freaked out while it was happening, and she was able to insert it, so I know it's possible and there's nothing wrong with my anatomy. I think this is all psychological.
3. Let my boyfriend finger me. When he starts to I get scared because it feels like such a delicate/sensitive area and I'm afraid he'll do something that will hurt me, and I just feel so vulnerable. I'm also afraid because I've never masturbated I have no idea what that kind of sexual pleasure feels like, and the unknown is unnerving.

Possible causes:
--My personal struggle with being afraid of germs/blood/bodily fluids stuff like that. That, along with the fact that I just think vaginas are too hairy and quite ugly, probably accounts for me being grossed out.
--I find it harder to figure out what the fear comes from. I did have one kind of traumatic experience when I was in elementary school where this boy would stick his hands in my pants and figure me every day on the bus ride home and I was too scared to tell him not too or embarrassed to say anything to my parents about it (I finally did). But I sort of wonder if I have an association now with my own vagina of scary things? But I feel a little silly bringing that up, it's probably not that at all.

Do you have any advice for this situation? I'd really, really, really appreciate it. I just want to be normal and be able to have normal sexual experiences.

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ricecakepanda

Posts: 5 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Member # 25425

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Welcome to Scarleteen, ricecakepanda! Let's see what we can do to help you.

From what you have written here, it sounds like you've already identified the two most likely culprits for your fear and discomfort.

Being afraid of germs and bodily fluids probably plays a part in this. Bodies can be pretty messy, and that is especially true during sex when all sorts of fluids are involved. Being comfortable with that is a huge part of being comfortable with sex. So, thing to do that may help is getting a handle on your anxieties around this.

Do these fears also impact other areas of your life? Have you ever considered receiving counseling to help you with that?

In connection with that, you may also benefit from slowly getting acquainted with your genitals. Here's a link to an article, to get you started (the link contains some drawings, but nothing super clinical, and no pictures): Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

The vulva is also pretty sturdy, so unless you have an infection, mere touch should not cause pain. If you're not ready for touching yet, maybe start by taking a mirror and just taking a closer look?

Another way would be to make an appointment with a gynecologist. Since you're 19, and also sexually active, that's a good thing to do, anyway. A gynecologist can answer any questions you may have, and help you get to know your vulva better.

Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, I think you are on to something with your last point. What that boy on the bus did to you was sexual assault, and that's not silly at all. It would actually be surprising if that experience didn't affect you in any way. You say you were finally able to talk to your parents about it - did they help you get some counseling? If not, that is the place I would start.

In the meantime, you'll want to talk to your partner about putting those kinds of sexual activity on hold that make you feel uncomfortable. The more you push yourself with this, the more you'll panic and feel anxious, and that won't help anyone.


That's a lot to digest. How do you feel with this? What can we do to help you?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ricecakepanda
Neophyte
Member # 96141

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Thank you so, so much for your help. I really appreciate it. I'll take a look at that link, and make an appointment with a gynecologist. I also think you may be right about making an appointment to get some counseling about those other issues. That was great advice, and I feel a lot better! Thanks again!

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ricecakepanda

Posts: 5 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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So glad I could help! You are welcome. If you have any further questions, feel free to come back anytime!

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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