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Author Topic: hiv testing
LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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So I'm going to get tested anyway but I'd like your opinion, the guy I hooked up w. Who we only went as far as oral and once he rubbed his junk on me, anywho he told me he was clean and gets tested every 4 months never had anything and only had unprotected sex w. His gfs who were cleaned and has had a clean bill of health his whole life hasn't even been sick for 6 yrs anywho he fell in love w. Me and wanted to settle down , we hooked up 2 or 3 times in April, I got tested Bcuz I was paranoid in may for HIV and syphilis I never had any symptoms of anything tho and I came out clean and I noe there is a window period so im going to be tested again in Aug but anywho I spoke to him after we stopped seeing ea other and he still likes me and wants to hook up but never forced me into sex or anything he said he got tested for everything again after we hooked up and once again came out clean, he said that if he had anything he'd tell me to get treated I'm like how do I know that some ppl jus like to spread and hes like I'm not like that I'm Honest which is true Bcuz when we were just talking he tld me his past like doing drugs and his parents are alcoholics and these things I've never asked about all by himself. Shld I trust him, the only reason I'm scared is because I got sick shortly after we hooked up and I read flu like symptoms are a symptom of HIV but then again I do remm being cold so that could be it too, im panicking Bcuz its life and death and he keeps telling me hes clean and asking me if I have symptoms which I obvi don't cuz he didn't give me anything, so tell me what do u think I'm so scared and I noe I'm never gonna have unprotected contACT with anyone but I had it w. Him Bcuz I believed him that he was clean I guess I shld get it in writing next time Bcuz I dislike condoms they kill it for me but ill figure it out if my.health is safe

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Heather
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Well, let's start at the beginning. To my knowledge, you have more than this one partner. If that's so, have you ever been tested for HIV?

It sounds like you're saying you were just tested in May: if I have that right, then testing again wouldn't make sense unless your healthcare provider has suggested it.

That said, safer sex measures to reduce the risk of STIs aren't really about trust: trust doesn't prevent STIs. What we know does prevent them, and have a lot of study to back up is:
• With ANY new partner, regardless of their history or yours, using barriers for oral, anal and/or vaginal sex for at least six months.
• Being sexually exclusive, on both parts, during that time.
• Each getting a new round of STI tests at the end of six months, and THEN...
• If everyone is negative and still exclusive, ditching barriers if both people want, OR keeping them going just because.

And you know, someone can't know about anyone's health history besides their own unless they literally have a person's health records in their hands. So, talking about previous partners just isn't a sound thing to do unless we know a partner HAS had an STI we were possibly or for sure exposed to.

Also, we can always talk about how to use condoms in a way that work for you. Chances are good if they're not, there are things you can do so that they don't "kill it for you."

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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No I had one partner before, who was a virgin, this is a 2nd one but I didn't have any type of intercourse with him and the only reason I'm retesting Bcuz I got tested a month after initial oral n the window period is 3 months for accurate HIV testing but th, for saying that I'm a whore Bcuz I have more than one partner for ur info I had intercourse with my fiancee and him only this guy was just a rebound but regArdless he said time and time again thT he is clean n if he had sometging he wuld tell me so I'm asking if I shld b worried n for ur info condoms make intercourse unbearable and not enjoyable thTs y I got an iud I wasnt anticipatiing breaking up w. My fiancee but w.e

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Heather
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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa, you know, I notice you often get very reactive and defensive when we respond to you with very benign, plain information and assume or infer insults or judgments when none were made.

I have friends who actually are whores -- who are working sex workers -- and not only do I not use that term the way you are using it, as an insult, period, I was not making any judgments at all about whatever your sexual history is. And believe me, given my age and life history, making those kinds of judgments about someone who has had only two partners would be awfully silly of me.

The information I gave you is the information I have to give you about this. And like I said, retesting for HIV if you only tested a month ago wouldn't be sound -- or likely to show different results -- but again, this is something to ask your healthcare provider about and see what they recommend, just like you'd ask a doctor about any other kind of health test.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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So u also think I'm fine even tho I got tested a few weeks after

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Heather
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I think that if your results were negative from that test, that retesting so soon after will give you the same results.

And that if you want to retest, you should either wait another six months OR, if you don't want to, see what your healthcare provider suggests as a second opinion.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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But I'm doing the retest in augest not now which will be a little over 3 months, and the window period is 3 montjs for accurate testing 6 months is too long to live w. HIV and not noe I'm so scared

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Heather
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Again, if your healthcare provider thinks that's sound for you, I'd put their opinion before mine.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Ok

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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I feel like my life is over

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Heather
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I think that's a pretty dramatic place to go from where you are right now.

As far as you know right now, you are in good health.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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I didnt even tell my Dr that he told me he's clean she thinks I'm fine she says just Bcuz someone has HIV doesn't mean ur necessarylly gonna get it plus I have bi symptoms

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Heather
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Well, what he said about his status wouldn't have anything to do with yours.

Your doctor is right to base what she says to you on YOUR status, and is also correct in that even when someone has an infection we CAN get, that doesn't mean we always DO get it.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Thanks

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Heather I need your opinion so as u know I had intercourse in march after having my iud put in w. My fiancee and I had a good full period March April and May, my iud is still in place, w. The rebound guy he hit my vagina w. His penis a couple times but it wasn't really wet w. Pre cum and he didnt orgasm prior to it besides I have an iud in which was also checked mid April its in perf place but the hook up was in April too but like I said I had a period every month so this month I was spotting a while and I posted in a thread this month about this then Idk 5 days I started seeing blood on the toilet paper and some on the pad but also on the pad it was dark, but when I wiped red the like for 4 or 5 days I had that then my USual post period spotting and it all stopped last weekend, is this normal like my breasts are sore but I havent had sex and when I did in march he never orgasamed inside of me, and I had no intercourse or other risks but my breasts aren't bigger I haven't gained any weight and I don't have any preggo symptoms but fatigue. But I always have that and the breast tenderness which I noe is Norml after periods and its not that bad where I can't touch my breasts only if I rub them hard, what do u think

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Btw it resembles a longer bcp period that I had when I was on the pill mind u I was really stressed this month I'm always stressed tho and I didn't drink al ot of w.e so idk if that means anything but yeah

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Heather
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So, if you're concerned about a possible pregnancy, the thing to do with that is to take a pregnancy test. That way, you;ve got that answer in an accurate way, an answer I can't possibly give you.

With any IUD, spotting is a very, very common side effect. So, what's most likely, especially since you recently had that penal of STI tests with negative results, is that the spotting has been a side effect of your IUD.

In terms of the breast tenderness, you're pretty clear that this has been common for you, so I see no cause for concern about that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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I do have pelvic pain also but I have that when I am constipated which I have been but the pains aren't serious pains jus a slight cramp I guess u can say not even just like a spasam idk lol im worried tho

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Do u think its possible that I'm pregnant if I haven't had sex since march or contact with a man since end if Apr

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Heather
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You have an IUD which has been found to have been placed correctly that same month, so no, that would not be even remotely likely.

But again, I can't tell anyone who is and isn't pregnant: that is simply not something I can know. A pregnancy test is required for that answer, followed by -- if it's positive -- a healthcare provider's verification of a pregnancy.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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That month and the month after, and I still feel it in there, so if u were me would u take a pregnancy test, I mean I had a period I had red blood and dark stuff come out the time when my period is to come... And I haven't had contact w. A man since late April and the rebound def cnt imperganate me off of rubbing while not wet and have an iud and my ex never ejaculated and I had a petiod a good one exactly a week after we did it, I mean I'm not really worried but it has crossed my mind, my next period is supp to come around July 9th

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Heather
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If I found that I was concerned about being pregnant, and even knowing that I was using a birth control method that made that extremely unlikely didn't help me let go of that concern, I would take a pregnancy test.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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There was also a point this period where I bled thru the tampon and it was mostly red if not all

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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I called my gyno and he said just incase. I bought the clear blue which had 2 in the Pac and im waiting looks negative but the time hasn't Finnished also I didn't have enough pee for 5bsec so ill take the seconed.one too but it was as close to 5 sec as possible

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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The first one is negative

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Heather
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So there you go: you are not pregnant and can let that fear go.

And I'd say that if now or in the future, you feel you don't feel secure enough with your IUD, your best bet is to back up with a second method, like condoms (which again, we can probably help you use in ways that work for you) or some other method.

This article gives backup methods that can be used with every method, including the IUD, and the effectiveness rates for combining them: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method


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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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I feel.comfy w. Iud I'm about to take the test a second time do u think I need blood work too or this is fine

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Heather
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Blood testing to determine pregnancy is not something frequently done anymore, period. Home tests are as accurate as clinical tests so long as you follow the directions. I see no need for a second test or to continue to focus on this, especially if you're saying you feel confident using the IUD alone.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Ok so second one is also not preg shld I get a diff brand

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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Ok so second one is also not preg shld I get a diff brand the 2nd test non preg is a lil lighter than first but in the control window in both there is that thick vertical line

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Heather
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Why would you do that?

I don't understand what you're looking for here.

You have said you trust your IUD to make it very, very unlikely you would become pregnant. That's the first thing.

Then you now took two tests that said the result was negative, the result we'd expect. Why take more if the results you are getting -- results you are getting because you are clearly not pregnant -- aren't answers you are giving any weight to?

Really, I think we've done all we can do for you around this, and with this issue today, you need to figure some of your own stuff out, okay?

If you want to just keep throwing money at tests, obviously that's your prerogative, but I think we've said all we can say, and it seems like you just aren't letting go of something that didn't make sense to be holding onto in the first place.

And we're not going to be helping you with that by continuing a very circular conversation.

So.

My best advice? Figure out why you're worrying about something, and putting so much energy into something, that's clearly not real right now: you are obviously not pregnant. It might take you a few days to figure out why you're so attached to that non-reality, but I think putting your energy into that would be the best use of it right now if you can't walk away from this whole thing and put it somewhere else entirely.

But for now, we need to be done here in terms of how much time and energy we can invest into a given situation.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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LiiviinLaviidalocaaa
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No I know I'm not u urself said ud take a prego test and then one at the Dr did u not? Yeah u did so hence I wanted to do an extra one cuz I don't wanna be pricked and wait 2 weeks, secondly, I'm not putting my energy into anything I knew I wasn't Bcuz I had 3 good periods only reason why I took it is Bcuz of YOU I trust my iud which is why I had sex w.o a condom something I never did on the pill, any who the reason why I wanna take a 3rd one is bcu the 2nd ones result is lighter than the first its a definite horizontal, but yeah this is my first time taking a preggers test also the 2nd one I held longer than 5 the first a lil less than 5 and the first one I urinated 2nd one I did in a cup so I wanna noe for future refrences if anything Is wrong no need to get nasty and superior

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Heather
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Let me try this again: I said that if you can't let this go, to take a test at home, and then, were the result positive -- not negative -- a pregnancy should be verified by a doctor.

quote:
But again, I can't tell anyone who is and isn't pregnant: that is simply not something I can know. A pregnancy test is required for that answer, followed by -- if it's positive -- a healthcare provider's verification of a pregnancy.
You asked me what I would do, and I told you. But assigning responsibility to me for taking pregnancy tests, especially when I began this conversation by making clear that a pregnancy was not even remotely likely is really inappropriate.

No one is being nasty and superior. I was setting a limit and expressing confusion. But as I have recently said to you in another conversation, this dynamic where you ask us for help -- which we give you, at no cost to you -- and are defensive and reactive, presuming insults where there are none, or dishing them out, is really unacceptable, and just needs to stop if you want to keep being helped here. We've given you a great deal of time, care and attention, and need you to respect limits when we set them, and please also communicate in ways with us which are respectful of someone helping you generously.

I'm closing this thread right now in a final attempt to hold the limits I set, since I feel it's pretty clear that they aren't going to get respected otherwise. And I'm also going to ask you to please take a couple days off from asking for our services so that we can divide our attention amongst the users and the various duties of the site as we need to. Thank you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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