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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Terrified of having sex...

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Author Topic: Terrified of having sex...
Member # 96019

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Hi there, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post as I don't really have a question as such, but here goes: I am 17, I've never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone and thus have had no sexual contact (which I don't mind, as I don't feel pressured by my friends into having a boyfriend). In the future, I can 100% imagine myself marrying a man and having a family, but at the moment I am absolutely terrified by the thought of sex. I masturbate regularly, often with the help of porn, and I enjoy reaching orgasm, but the thought of sexual activity with anyone else is really scary - I'm not really sure why! I don't know if it's the thought of pain or maybe a fear of being used, but I can't imagine having sex in anything other than a stable, loving relationship, so I've basically decided not to have sex until marriage. I'm just worried that I will not find a boy who feels the same way about sex that I do - or that I will be so scared about having sex that I will never have it! It seems like so many teenagers are having sex that I will not find someone who has the same views as me.

Is it normal to be this scared of sex?

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Welcome to Scarleteen [Smile]

You know, what you're feeling is actually something we see a lot. Some people give the impression all other teens are having sex, but in all reality they're not. Everyone feels differently about sex, and becomes ready for any type of sex both alone and partnered in their own time.

There's also plenty of other people that really do feel the same way you do. You'll find someone that respects those feelings of wanting to wait, whether it's today tomorrow next week or a bit longer. There's plenty of people with the same want.

Often, when we have these feelings its our body and mind telling us in their own way they're really not ready for any certain type of sex yet. And when you're ready, chances are you'll feel differently. But if at any time you start feeling like you are ready but are still feeling this scared, it's certainly something you can seek help and support for.

[ 06-12-2012, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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