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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Distraction during "pleasuring"

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Author Topic: Distraction during "pleasuring"
FantasyGirl
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Member # 95986

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Ok, well I'm a 17 year old virgin....I've been dating my first boyfriend for about 6 months....and have been....sexually exploring each other....
The other month we were in his room, kissing and touching and we decided I should try giving him a hand job....it was ok for about five minutes.
Then I my mind started to wonder- what's the time? When did I hand in that history essay?
I mean I got bored....is that normal???
we tried again a couple of nights ago and the same thing happened....
I just zone out- and twice now he's had to finishe by himself - I feel bad....any help would be appreciated.....

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi FantasyGirl and welcome to Scarleteen.

When it comes to being sexually active wit a partner, there are always going to be things that one partner or the other can't do, doesn't like to do, doesn't want to do, etc. This is normal. We're all human and have individual likes, needs, wants, and abilities. When two individuals get together, sometimes these likes, needs, wants and abilities aren't going to mesh. That's where communication comes in.

There's no law that says any person has to perform a sexual activity on any other person until that person is finished. It's also pretty normal for a partner to do the things that will ultimately give them an orgasm, since they're the one who knows what their body likes.

So, bottom line, this is normal and you're absolutely okay.

How do you feel/what do you think reading this?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FantasyGirl
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Member # 95986

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I suppose I feel guilty afterwards....I mean he clearly enjoys it
But just today when he tried to initiate manual sex I said no kissed him and he seemed fine with it....
I just feel s guilty for not enjoying it- I really care about him and want to make him happy....

Thank you- for reading and not judging.

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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No judgment here. [Smile]

Making your partner happy is good, but you've also gotta make yourself happy. A relationship is give and take. It sounds like you were both happy today. That's a very healthy, mutually respectful interaction you describe. No one wants sexual activity all the time; it's wonderful that your partner respects and is comfortable with that. It may be hard to believe but one day you'll probably be in the same position, of asking him for something and him turning you down. It's just the way it goes sometimes.

None of us can make anyone else in our lives "happy" 100% of the time. Perhaps you could think of (and you don't have to share them here unless it would help to) some ways that you know you do make him happy.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FantasyGirl
Neophyte
Member # 95986

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Thank you.....I know this may sound odd but I think I'll make a list.....seeing things in writing helps my mind work...
thank you so much just for putting my mind at rest...

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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