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Author Topic: Confirmation
srk20
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Member # 59241

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Yesterday I engaged in a sexual activity with my boyfriend after a really really long time. Ive been suffering from anxiety over these things for a while now but this time I wanted to make sure everything was in my hands and i was doing the right things. I'd love it of you could confirm that my activities kept me safe from pregnancy. I gave him a hand job. My pants were on the entire time and he did not touch me down there at all. He did dry hump me but we both had underwear and pants on (he had khakis and I had jeans) and for extra precaution he put his blanket between us as well. I did get his ejaculate on my hands when I finished the hand job and I went to the restroom and washed with soap twice. I dried my hands went to the store ran some errands came back washed my hands again and then fingered myself. I do wear bracelets and a watch but I was pretty careful to wash up to that area, I don't think any ejaculate good get stuck on my wrist user my watch or bracelets and not wash off right? Can you please tell me if I followed all the right directions to keep me safe?
Posts: 197 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You know, srk20, I really think the best way to help you with this is to let YOU, on your own, or with your partner, go through what you already know about all of this, and also sit with what you have so you can see how you feel about sexual activity WITHOUT checking in with a sex educator each time.

My concern is that if we walk you through these choices this much, and this way, we're going to stand in the way of you seeing if they really feel right for you in your own life, your own sex life, which won't tend to involve having expert help evaluating every possible risk or activity every time.

But we can help with that, I think, without enabling, if you need that. So, what do YOU think? Do YOU think you had any risks here, of STIs or pregnancy? Too, do you think doing something like washing your bracelet was needed to reduce your risks?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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Honestly, i think I did everything right. I just wanted to make sure, which is why I wanted to get that confirmation from you guys. And the bracelet thing, I guess since it's been so long I wanted to make sure to take all the right precautions. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing anything too safe.

I do have another question though- I just got back from the zoo with my boyfriend. We walked around in the sun, it was about 83 degrees for about 3-4 hours. I had my birth control in my wallet in my purse so it was shaded, but is that storage okay or was it too hot? Or do you think that I should get a new pack? I'm not too sure how hot it was inside my purse, but it was a flap purse so everything inside was completely covered.

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Heather
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I think the thing is that when "careful" seems more like obsessive/compulsive, you just have to be aware that continuing to do things triggering that kind of response, especially if you're not getting help managing it (I'm sorry, I forget if you are or not) can really compound and cement that problem, rather than helping it.

Per your pills, once more 9with feeling), as I've said many times before now, please try and keep in mind that you're not having any kind of sex where your pill could even do anything. In other words, there's no pregnancy risk for it to reduce.

That said, I'd say your pills should still be fine. But I would also try and be mindful about continuing to worry so much about your pill working if you aren't engaging in any kind of intercourse where it has anything to do. Again, just trying to do my job here and not enable so you wind up stuck with anxiety instead of exploring how to manage it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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srk20
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I do understand your thoughts and I know that I'm not having sex but I still do need my pills to work to prevent cyst formation. A few cycles ago when I had that MRI done and the scare, I found out that the pills I was taking had not been successful at preventing the cysts from forming. If that happens it causes me to have a lot of pain, increase facial hair growth, and lose hair. I therefore need my pills to work to actively help treat my PCOS symptoms which is why I am so focused on being the best user that I can be. I also do get worried about pregnancy because I have anxiety around this. I had stopped having any type of sexual contact to suppress these fears and I was doing well. My partner and I then decided that we could do something that wasn't risky so that our relationship would not start feeling like a friendship, which is when I gave him a handjob. I was very careful and I do think that I followed all the right steps (please correct me if I'm wrong).
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Heather
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Like I told you, I'm really not comfortable confirming this stuff for you this way at this point, and I strongly feel I'd be doing my job very poorly and irresponsibly if I did. I also really need you to respect our boundaries and limits when we set them, something we've mentioned with you before, okay?

If your concern is about this medication working for your cysts, the rightest person to talk with is the healthcare provider treating you for your PCOS. That's especially important if it seems the pill isn't really working for your PCOS, which likely has nothing to do with how you're taking your pill, especially since my impression is you're very on top of taking it properly.

And if what you're going to say is that they won't answer reasonable questions like if your pill is working for your PCOS and what would keep it from doing that that you can control, then I strongly advise you complain about that and potentially ask for a referral for another healthcare provider who will give you that information. There are certainly questions or a level of them that isn't reasonable to expect, but talking about what makes a needed med work or not in the most basic ways isn't one of them.

Ypu know, if you haven't already, I'd have a discussion with your boyfriend to brainstorm what things you two can do together r for each other that affirm the romantic aspect of your relationship that do NOT trigger your anxiety. Sex certainly isn't the only way to differentiate that kind of relationship from a platonic friendship, after all, and I'd say it'd be ideal, especially if you aren't getting treatment for your anxiety and managing it with sex, to come up with some things you can do that do not leave you freaking.

[ 05-21-2012, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67955 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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