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Author Topic: Advice please
Lustercross
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Hello could I get advice on what to tell my girlfriend? Last week on May 7th we had intercourse for the first time with a condom and I read the articles on how to use it so I know I used it right. A few hours later she started freaking out and told me to get her Plan B. I didn't want to because I didn't really think she needed it since I used the condom right but she kept freaking out about it and it was stressing me out so I got her Plan B that same day hoping it would calm her down. I thought it did but her period is due like in a day or so and she's freaking out again. She has been having this brown slime yesterday and today and in total it has been like 6 times. From what I have been told on this website, the brown slime is her lining being shed so it's basically her period. What is freaking her out is that she has been feeling nauseous. She wants me to get her a test but I think it's unnecessary and it wouldn't be accurate since it has only been 8 days since we had intercourse and not 14. Should I get her a test anyways? Could you give me advice on what I can tell her to calm her down? Does her being nauseous actually mean she could be pregnant even though she has brown slime or is she just nauseous from something else? Honestly I regret having intercourse with her because now I know she isn't ready for it. I'm not going to have intercourse with her for a long while until I actually know she is ready. Advice on what to tell her would help me a lot because she's stressing me out again with her paranoia.

Thank you

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Robin Lee
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What I hear a lot of in this post is you telling your girlfriend things and her reacting, and your girlfriend telling you things and you reacting.

What if the two of you worked together on this? So, a few things you might say might be:

(and you don't have to quote these directly, I'm just writing it this way as an example)

"I know this is really stressing you. What can we do to help you feel better?"

or even

"I've found some really helpful information online. Would you read it with me then we can talk about it?"

A lot of times people stress out because they feel helpless. Asking what the two of you can do, or suggesting that the two of you do something constructive together, is a way to help her feel like she's more in control.

Here's a thought for you, as well: Readiness for any type of sexual activity means being ready for any outcome and that includes one's partner having a hard or stressful time.

In addition to what I said above, here are some articles that address ways to discuss sex with your partner.

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

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Robin

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Lustercross
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Okay so does that mean I might not be ready either since I'm having a hard time dealing with her stress?
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Heather
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What do youthink?

It might also help to think about what you'd both need to feel more comfortable with this (or any) kind of sex, and what you think you'd both need to really be ready, especially since you're expressing a feeling she, at least, isn't.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lustercross
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Oh and also I just read on another volunteer's post in a different thread that nausea is a common side effect from Plan B so now for sure I know she's overreacting.
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Lustercross
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Well at first I didn't think anything of it because I educated myself and knew I was doing things right so I felt ready. But now she's making me second-guess myself and that's stressing me out which once again makes me feel like I'm not ready.
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Heather
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Well, she might not be overreacting if she feels really scared. After all, becoming pregnant when you don't want to be is a really big deal, so it can be really scary to be a person who might be in that position, you know?

If your gut feeling is that she's not really ready and you aren't, I'd trust that. Remember: it's always okay to step back or slow things back down with sex. Just because we had any kind of sex once or in one situation, or at one time, doesn't mean we have to keep on doing that, especially if it isn't seeming sound for one or more people involved.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lustercross
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Yes I understand what you mean. I guess I'm being a little too mean about it towards her. And yeah my gut tells me were both not ready so were going to stop intercourse for now. So is the only thing we can do now is wait for her period? Because I really don't think a test would be accurate.
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Heather
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It's too soon for a pregnancy test, yes. Ideally, if her period doesn't come before then, you want to wait at least two weeks or until a period is late.

This is one of those situations where it's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes. For sure, an unplanned pregnancy wouldn't be easy on you either, but it's a whole different ball of wax when it might happen inside of and to your body.

As well, if you're feeling guilty, I expect some of your feelings about this are probably reactions to your guilt. But on that score, it sounds like you did your homework around readiness, and if she said she felt ready, and you thought you both were, you know, that's really all you could have done. None of us can know how things will go when they change from theoretical to actual, after all.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lustercross
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Yes I understand what you mean. Well I see that on the positive side out of all this I was able to find out if I truly was ready but in the safest way possible. I do have one last question on something that is confusing me though. I know how on this website you don't put contradictory information so I got to ask, does all this brown slime not mean that she started her period? I know it can't be implantation because it has been way too much. She has already wiped it like 6 times in the past 2 days. The reason I'm confused is because I remember posting in the past that her periods always seem to start like this and I asked if that was the start of her period or was it until the blood started flowing. I was told that the slime was the start of her period since periods can start in different ways. Here is the link:

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027039.html#000000

It's leaving me confused so could you clarify this for me?

Thank you!

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Karybu
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The discharge she's having could be the start of her period - and periods do start that way for a lot of women - or it could be a side effect of the Plan B, which often causes some irregular bleeding or spotting that can make discharge look brown.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Lustercross
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Okay and does that mean the Plan B worked or could she still possibly be pregnant, even with all that discharge?
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Lustercross
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Hello?
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Robin Lee
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As Karybu said, the discharge could be from the Plan B or it could be the start of your girlfriend's period. As you likely know, it's pretty unlikely that your girlfriend is pregnant since two methods of contraception--condoms and Plan B--were used effectively.

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Robin

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