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Author Topic: Advice on threesomes?
sleepysheep420
Neophyte
Member # 93239

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My partner & I attempted having a threesome twice with the same person and he was uncomfortable both times. Now we're going to try it with a female partner before another male partner and we're setting up limits/boundaries for each other's comfort. Can I get some advice beyond the obvious (protection, etc.)? Emotional advice, how to keep each other comfortable, stuff like that would be appreciated. Thanks.
Posts: 14 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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It sounds as if this is something really important to you and your partner. Have you clearly discussed with each other your motivations for doing this, what each of you wants from it, and what it means for your relationship? Each of you might have different motivations for wanting this. This is okay, but it may help alleviate potential tension and misunderstandings aftrwards if you have some good talks about what you're both looking for from this, knowing that it doesn't have to be the same thing.

You mention protection, which is really important. It's important also for emotional and relationship reasons; that you and your boyfriend both are on the same page about what forms of protection you'll use, what level of risk is acceptable to you as a couple, what activities you'll engage in, etc.

While this tool is designed for couples, you may find it a helpful starting point for conversations:

Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

How are you and your boyfriend feeling about the experiences you've already had that didn't quite go the way you had hoped? It's probably a good idea to talk about that before moving ahead with another threesome.

IN general, the most important things for you and your boyfriend to consider from an emmotional and relationship standpoint are making sure that you know where each of you is coming from. You'll also want to consider the relationship between yourselves and the third partner. That is, will it be a friend of one of you, a friend of both of you, a casual acquaintance? I mention this in terms of any feelings of attraction or jealousy that might come up for you afterwards.

What do you think?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sleepysheep420
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Member # 93239

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Honestly, I think our reasons are about the same - we both want to spice up our sex life a bit (Which seems a bit sad, considering he's almost 19 and I'm 17.) and I see it as a trust exercise as well. But he's decided he doesn't want to have a threesome with another guy. He tells me he feels self-conscious when we try with another guy. But he was fine doing it with his brother and when I suggested one of our male friends, he volunteered his brother again, even though we had problems both times with him. He told me we don't have to have a threesome with a girl if I'm uncomfortable with it, but now I just don't know what to think. He gave me a "green card", or a pass to go sleep with the friend I volunteered.
Wtf?
Anyhow, I'm not sure how I feel about the lack of balance in our relationship; it's been feeling very one-sided recently with a distinct lack of attention for me (from him).
And she will remain both of our friends, we've both known her a long time. Help. :/

Posts: 14 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sleepysheep420
Neophyte
Member # 93239

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Also, he's changed a lot. We don't have much communication anymore unless it's not very serious. If it is, he gets pissed, makes me cry, & gets even more pissed since I'm crying over it.
I don't know how to talk to him about it. We've set boundaries (very small boundaries, to my distaste, though I'm not sure what to limit necessarily) for the three-way and discussed it but he gets irate when I attempt to discuss the three-way between another male. I don't know what to do.

Posts: 14 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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