posted
Hello Scarleteen! My boyfriend and I are sexually active and have a great line of communication about it. When we decided to have sex, I asked him to read Scarleteen and Planned Parenthood sites, and just to educate himself about sex in general beyond what I tell him. He did not really educate himself independently, but we had plenty of discussions and asked each other questions, so my knowledge and research has so far been enough and healthy for both of us.
We were recently discussing a time (before we were together) when he had to go the hospital because of severe pain in his genitals during an erection. He has also fainted, or become severely light headed on two occasions where he was learning about sexual organs and sex education in classroom settings- once in high school health and once in college. He thinks these instances might be related, and he might have some kind of trauma from the hospital visit.
When we discuss sex (without discussing these instances) he is fine and doesn't experience physical discomfort, and he is very open and willing to learn. That makes me think that there is not a conscious aversion to sex education, but there is something going on behind the scenes. I suggested that he still try to educate himself on his own, on the internet for example, because he will be able to regulate how much information and what kind of information he takes in, and he can stop at any time.
This whole things concerns me on a selfish level because it is in my best interest that he is as educated about sex as possible, that way he understands my needs and concerns. However, he is very responsive to my needs and this has not posed an active problem to our relationship or our sex life. So it more so concerns me on a general level because I want him to be able to face sex education and whatnot without worrying about fainting or experiencing physical discomfort.
Sorry for the long set up! I am seeking information about cases similar to his. Is this kind of thing common? Is there a medical explanation? Does my suggestion about learning on his own seem wise or like it might be a further trigger? I do not want to push him into anything, I am just wondering if there are suggestions I can make to help.
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Hello and Welcome to Scarleteen!
So that I understand,you are saying that your boyfriend has experienced lightheadedness in sex ed contexts and this was after he went to the hospital for the pain in his genitals? It certainly is conceivablethat what we can imagine as a traumatic, or at least potentially embarrassing, situation could breed unconscious negative feelings.
I also hear you saying that he doesn't experience this lightheadedness or any sense of anxiety when the two of you discuss sex or during your sexual activities.
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend has objected to learning from and with you. Am I getting that right?
It's important to you that he have a similar understanding in and interest in learning about sex as you do, that the two of you be on the same page. How do you feel about being the one to initiate gathering information?
I don't see any reason why encouraging him to learn on his own, in ways that he can easily control, would be harmful to him. Of course, it's ultimately up to him what he does or doesn't choose to do.
Did he read things on here and on Planned Parenthoodwhen you suggested it? Have the two of you read things together, or have you been the one to bring the information to the table and start the discussions?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4329 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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