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Author Topic: Attraction Confusion :(
daisypetals08
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I'm a twenty year old girl, I haven't been in a relationship for 3 years (after 3 years with a boy) and I'm beginning to struggle.

I find myself attracted to few men and lately a few women. The men that I do find attractive are feminine looking, some say "baby-faced" and younger looking. For a vivid example, I find Chris Colfer to be the greatest looking man I've ever seen (but I know, he's gay). I've also had some confusing feelings for a girl that I'm friends with, who is very feminine but a little masculine. Think.. Ellen Degeneres.

I guess I'm just scared about the lines of being attracted, who I'm attracted to and what feelings I should act on or which are just curiosity. I really wish that I could find a man who was straight but feminine, but when do I decide to settle for someone that I'm not extremely attracted to so that people stop bugging me about dating?

Should I be talking about these feelings? I'm confused as to why I can only picture myself having sex with a man but I get turned on by reading male gay smut and men who are feminine-looking and women who are strong and assume a male-like role.

If anyone can identify with this, please let me know about your feelings and thoughts. I'm too confused and embarrassed to tell my friends or family.

Thank you so much!!!

Posts: 2 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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About those people who are bugging you about dating; that really isn't okay. We all do things in our own time, especially when it comes to things like dating. I absolutely wouldn't advise forcing yourself to date someone you don't feel super into. So, it might be time to set a limit with these people and say something like: 'I appreciate you trying to help, but everyone does things in their own time when it comes to dating, and it can't be anyone's decision except mine.' Do you think that's something you can do?

Human sexuality is one of the most diverse, varied and flexible things in the whole world. We all get a long of messages from culture that the only 'acceptible' and 'normal' people to be attracted to are who they tell us we find sexy; like muscle-bound men and slender women. However, attraction is a beautiful thing in that we all like something different. From feminine men to masculine women to feminine people who don't identify as men OR women to drawings of charcters in TV shows, or even to just a voice. It's all okay, in fact, it's better: it's your own unique expression of self. For as many people in the world, there are as many different sexualities.

So, you like who you like right now. Sexuality is fluid and in constant flexiblity and fluctuation; meaning who we find attractive now might be totally different in a certain amount of time. There isn't really a way to catergorise feelings into boxes like 'curiousity' and 'ones to definately act upon'; you can act upon whichever feelings you like - if any at all.

As for what fantasy reading material causes you to feel aroused - what we like in porn rarely equals what we like in real life, so the liking of homosexual erotica doesn't really 'mean' anything, if you know what I mean?

[ 02-28-2012, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
daisypetals08
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I realize that it's taken me a while to respond, but I took everything you said to heart and I feel much better about myself now with having these points in mind.

Thank you so much.

I know that am unique but as are many others in this world, and one day I will find someone that I am attracted to and develop a relationship once again.

Posts: 2 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I'm so happy you're feeling better now, and you're right; we're all unique and plenty of people will like us for our own uniqueness. [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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