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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » finnally got my chance and blown it!

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Author Topic: finnally got my chance and blown it!
Member # 95514

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i realised i was bi-sexual 4 years ago when i watched this girl at my school dance,i got shivvers all over my body, it was the best feeling of my life! after about 3 days of getting them shivers i realised my feelings for her, i made convosation every now and then but we very rarly spoke till about 3 months ago when we started seeing eachother daily! one night i was feeling proper down about all of it all and told her how i truly felt and she replyed telling me she had small feeling for me too, i wwas over the moon!so the next day we met up and she was talking about kissing and things but because i was that nervious to be with her after all these years of wanted it i turned her down, she tryed it on a few other times but once again nerves took over me:( i could feel her slipping away and after a week or so she has a new girlfriend, and is bringing up all these complications me and her would bring up anyway.. she wants me to move on but i know i just cant and knowing that she's once had them feelings i will stop at nothing to bring them back, how can i show her that i can treat her better and love her more than all of her other ex's?
Posts: 1 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I'd say you don't. This isn't about competing with other people or her exes. If she's asking you to move on, that suggests to me she simply doesn't share the feelings for you you have for her right now. It sounds like in the past, when you're so sure you blew it, she wasn't sure about her feelings for you either (calling them small says to me she was voicing uncertainty, IMO).

That can hurt like hell, for sure. Big time. But when someone we care about is setting a boundary with us, we want to respect it, and someone asking you not to pursue them is setting a boundary. Get what I'm saying?

Respecting boundaries shows care, love and respect. "Stopping at nothing" to change someone's mind doesn't do that: it only makes clear that you're focused only on what you want for yourself.

So, I'd suggest you do work on moving on. I get how your attachment to this person is probably pretty strong, especially as the first woman you had these feelings for, but she won't likely be the only person, or woman, you'll have them for, and she just doesn't sound interested to me.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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