Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » First time on this site; could this make me pregnant?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: First time on this site; could this make me pregnant?
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am a little nervous that my boyfriend and I started engaging in sexual activity for the first time in the last two days. Could any of this make me pregnant? Sorry for the ignorance, it's just I'm very new to this.

Feb 17: He fingered me INSIDE my jeans but he did not touch his penis at all beforehand and he had just literally gotten off work right before he fingered me (we were in the parking lot of his work in his car and he works at fast food and he said he hand sanitized after work and he had only jacked off before work which was 10am and he fingered me about 10:30 pm that night so 12 hours later so he worked a 10 or 12 hour shift and was touching food the whole time)

Feb 18: He fingered me INSIDE my pants in my car and I started bleeding a bit on his hand because he did it too rough but he did not take off his pants/take out his penis until AFTER he fingered me and when I picked him up from his house, i had to wait a few mins because he was eating breakfast with his family and I asked him before he fin*ger*ed me if he hand sanitized and he said he washed his hands with soap actually and that he's not a dirty guy (i always ask)

Could that have made my pregnant? I think I'm just scared because i bled on his hand and now my pelvis hurts but I can't tell if it's because my period is coming within the next week (supposed to) or if I may have gotten myself pregnant? Please help? First time on this website! [Frown]

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
In order for a pregnancy to occur, someone with a vulva has to either have direct genital contact with someone with a penis, or direct contact with semen.

Also, that rough fingering: did that feel good to you? If it didn't were you able to communicate that to him so he could find out what does and try to do that instead?

(And welcome!)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So does that pose any pregnancy risk for me? I am just incredibly nervous right now and scared. Please help ease my mind? Or am i okay? And it felt good to me; I just felt embarrassed i started bleeding.
Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
And direct contact with semen? What if he had masturbated before eating breakfast and had gotten semen on his hands and he lied to me about washing his hands before or after eating? He was rubbing me all over my clothes and hugging me so I'm 99% sure that he would've wiped off any microscopic amount on my clothes at the very least? He claimed to have washed his hands with soap before seeing me on feb 18 and he claimed to have hand sanitized before seeing me right after work on feb 17. Am I going to be okay? I've never heard of someone getting pregnant before from fingering, but all these different internet discussion rooms have made me believe otherwise.

And thank you for the welcome!

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Why embarrassed? Blood is a body fluid just like say, sweat, saliva or ejaculate. And you were likely bleeding because he was being too rough, wasn't using lube as needed, you both were being too hasty, etc. Vaginal bleeding when it's not a period during any kind of sex is usually just a signal we need to change something up.

Like I said, you aren't describing situations here which present pregnancy risks: not direct genital contact nor direct genital contact with semen.

But it does sound like you might feel better moving forward if you slowed things down here until you get the education you need to know when and if risks are posed, how to reduce them, and what choices you want to make once you're actually informed, okay? Going about sex this way, where we feel clueless and scared and freaked, doesn't tend to result in sex of any kind being something we feel good about.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yesterday I gave my boyfriend head at about 12noon, and then 27 hours later, at 3pm the next day, I had to adjust my underwear (I made sure to touch just the side that's not touching my vagina. Of course in the time in between, I washed my hands multiple times preparing for a family member's birthday party and showered and all that. What are the chances I can get pregnant from leftover sperm on my hand when I adjusted my underwear? I'm new to this sexual stuff thanks for the help!

I think in the back of my head I know that it's not possible but I read somewhere that if you touch your underwear after touching ejaculate so I'm a bit nervous. Is that unreasonable?

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
None: the chances from something like that are none. Sperm cells don't have superpowers: they're actually quite delicate. And handwashing makes'em go buh-bye. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know the question sounds a bit silly, but please hear me out.

Yesterday was the first time my bf and I ever fooled around in his bedroom (we're usually doing things in a car; he has strict parents and so do I so we don't usually have an opportunity to be alone in a bedroom). Anyway, I guess I'm just a bit nervous because and uncomfortable because he made me take off my shirt for the first time, and that was the first time I had ever been topless in front of anyone and it made me self-conscious.

Anyway, I had gotten my period yesterday morning (I swear, it was a sign I wasn't ready to have sexual intercourse with him; we never have) so obviously my jeans never came off. On top of that, I was wearing underwear and a thick pad for my period (sorry, tmi). Anyway, I was on my knees when he ejaculated when I gave him head, and he finished in my mouth, and I got some on my hand and a bit in my hair. I noticed however, that the zipper of my jeans had zipped down but the denim fabric inside the zipper still covered it so you couldn't even see my underwear. I'm pretty sure no semen got anywhere on my jeans, nonetheless falling through the open zipper (the button on top of it was still buttoned though) but even if it had, I'm sure it couldn't have pentrated the denim fabric inside the jeans which still covered the area underneath my open zipper, a thick pad and my underwear. Is there any risk of pregnancy whatsoever or am I just overly paranoid?

OH! And if it's relevant, there was no DIRECT genital-to-genital contact, and there was no DIRECT genital-to-semen contact. I am just asking making sure I covered all my bases last night. I'm just a bit nervous about the possibility of ejaculation having dropped onto any part of my jeans.

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What do you mean he made you take your shirt off? You didn't want to do that yourself? Or didn't feel ready, but he insisted?

I'm not even remotely concerned about pregnancy her (though unprotected oral sex does pose STI risks, so that is a concern)e. I remain concerned with it still sounding like things are moving way too fast for you here in terms of what you really want, feel ready for and are comfortable with.

Can we talk about that? If we don't, and this doesn't change, here's my predication: that we're just going to keep jumping from freaked-out scare with you to freaked-out scare, and you're just going to keep feeling worse and worse, potentially winding up soon in a situation where you also do actually take some STI/pregnancy risks (the former of which you now already have). And that's just no way to create a sexual life you feel good about, or where you can make your own best choices.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi heather,

Um he didn't physically force me to take it off. We had been making out and he was trying to take my top off. And I told him no numerous times, then he got angry and couldn't see any possible reason why I wouldn't want to take it off. Then he kind of gave me the silent treatment for a couple mins and literally pushed me away when I tried to kiss him. He told me I could leave if I was going to be like that, so I guess I did it out of my own free will. I shouldn't have said he forced me, I'm sorry.

So there's no risk in that at all whatsoever? Semen cannot penetrate through my denim jeans, a menstrual pad and my underwear? Because I heard that it can with the same concept as being splashed with water and it getting on my clothes and seeping through :/

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, her manipulated and coerced you. Do you understand that that is a form of sexual abuse/assault? And that that is NOT the dynamics of healthy, consensual sexual interactions?

In a healthy interaction, when someone says no, that is absolutely the end of it. If the other person is disappointed, they deal with those feelings in healthy ways, they don't use them to manipulate the other person into doing what they want.

No, there is not a pregnancy risk there. But you have got some serious stuff happening here, malissasamantha, that I think it is REALLY important to pay attention to, and probably also has to do with you feeling so panicked with all of this. I would hate to see your pregnancy fears eclipse very valid feelings of discomfort and an awareness of sexual dynamics going on that aren't good for anyone.

[ 02-24-2012, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No, sperm can't penetrate through your jeans, pad and underwear. Water can seep through and make everything wet. Sperm, which are in semen, actually need to be able to move, which they can't do through fabric.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Really? :/ I actually felt horrible for saying he forced me in my earlier post. I thought I was being a prude for it so I did it, but honestly, from the moment I took it off, I was constantly covering my breasts up. I felt so uncomfortable.

When I was driving to his house, I had texted him saying that I got my period that morning. He replied by saying "I'll just see you tomorrow then", so I replied saying "Um, I'm halfway to your house", and he replied saying "You should just go to school. You should've seen me face 10 mins in comparison to now. Can't get mad at me. I was actually at the store buying condoms, so excuse me if I'm a little disappointed. But come here still, I'll just talk to you when you get here".

That bothered me because it made me feel so.. I don't know. I didn't know that was abusive :/ even if he didn't physically try to take it off me?

And there is no risk whatsoever so I don't have to worry for the next 28-31 days until my next expected period? :/

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yes, as Heather said, manipulation is abusive. What you describe is a clear case of your boyfriend not listening to you or being particularly interested in or in tune with how you were feeling and what you were saying. Sex of any kind is about two people, so it's never just about what one person wants, but about what both people are comfortable with.

Sounds like it made you feel uncomfortable and hurt your feelings too that he seemed to just want to see you for sex. Again, he needs to deal with any disappointment he has in healthy ways, not by belittling you or coercing you into doing something you really don't want to do.


This is a big thing. How is it feeling hearing all this from us? What do you think? If you want, you can take a look at this:

Blinders Off:Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sorry to be asking these types of question, but I grew up in both a catholic, private all girls high school and elementary school (I am now 21), and they basically taught sex education like you would get pregnant just from looking at a boy. They didn't educate us on sex; just abstinence. So pls bear with me.

My bf and I went out to breakfast at Tim Hortons at 9am, and then when we left at about 10:30am, he put his hand down my underwear and touched my vagina for about 30 seconds to a minute while we were making out in my car. I took note that he didn't take down his pants until AFTER that and I don't remember him at all touching his penis before touching my vagina. Even after he pulled down his pants, the only time he ever touched his penis was when he touched the base/middle of it to make it stand up straight but he did not mast*ur*bate. Is there any possibility I could get pregnant from this? I just texted him right now and asked if he touched himself and I just didn't see before he touched me and he said no and I was with him the whole time. I think I'm just scaring myself because he left tonight for 2 months :/

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kachina
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42505

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kachina     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Have you read the articles on abuse and manipulation linked to you above? I'm concerned that you are not discussing this and are still doing things that make you feel uncomfortable.

--------------------
~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There's no need to apologize. Sadly, a lot of us grew up with little to no sex ed and it leaves us unsure of what's going on when we do engage in sexual activity.

As Heather mentioned above, in order for pregnancy to occur, there has to be direct contact between a penis and vulva or contact between a vulva and semen that has come directly from a penis.

So, no, even if he did touch his penis, even if there was a little ejaculate or pre-ejaculate on his fingers when he touched you, that wouldn't lead to pregnancy.

here's some reading material that will explain this more:

Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

Pregnancy Scared?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you, Robin.

It just makes me so paranoid when I go on other discussion forums such as Yahoo Answers, where people have told me that I can get pregnant from what I described. Them saying I can get pregnant from fingering and all that makes me feel like it is so incredibly easy to get pregnant. My bf left for India the same night as that Tim Hortons incident.

Feb 23: The day my period started so I wore jeans, underwear and a thick period pad and my jeans obviously never came off when I went to my boyfriend's house. He rubbed his pe*nis against my jeans for a few seconds to tease me, but there was a layer of denim, underwear and a pad obviously. The most I did was become topless but again, my jeans never came off. He eja*cul*ated into my mouth and I got a bit on my hand and a bit in my hair but that's it. If any drop of ejac*ulation had somehow magically flown onto my jeans, would it be able to get through all the layers and impregnate me?

Feb 25: he and I just made out once and that's it.

Feb 26: nothing happened, we just made out and I gave my bf head but my leggings and underwear stayed on the whole time. He did touch his pe*nis a few times with just the tips of his fingers and then rubbed me OUTSIDE my leggings but that's it.

Feb 28: I picked him up from his house and he fingered me. HOWEVER, i took note that he did not even take his pe*nis out of his pants until AFTER he fingered me because he knows how paranoid I get if he touches me after even putting a single finger on his pe*nis and he never even touches me down there after he's pulled his pants down (we've never had intercourse before). He swore up and down that he did not touch himself before he came out of his house and that he was just watching tv with his mom and dad while waiting for me.

March 1: my bf and I were having breakfast at Tim Hortons from 9am until about 10:30am. At 10:30 am, he touched my va*gina for about 30 seconds to a minute with his fingers and that was it. He did not take off his pants until AFTER he did this and he never touched me down there again. He left for India later that night for a month and a half to visit family.

I brought all my concerns to my psychologist a few days ago, and her words were:
"There are only two questions you have to ask yourself if you are wondering if you had a risk of pregnancy: did you have DIRECT genital-to-genital contact? And did you have DIRECT genital-to-semen contact? Sperm are not superheroes. They cannot survive being transferred and smeared from surface to surface and that includes fingers. Fingers do not shoot out semen and sperm. A man is not spiderman. The only risk you will ever have of pregnancy is if his pe*nis made direct contact with your vag*ina, as in no piece of clothing was on, or if he e*jacu*lated on or near your va*gina. So no, even if he had a bit of pre-eja*culate or ej*aculate on his fingers, it would not lead to pregnancy. Everyone on the internet that says you can get pregnant from that has honestly read it from another person on the internet because I guarantee you that I have never heard of a person getting pregnant from fingering. I have been in this field for 15 years, and if it were that easy to get pregnant, girls, including myself, would have about 15-20 babies by now."


Is there any possibility of pregnancy from anything? Should I get off Yahoo Answers and stop reading all that stuff and am I safe? I feel like this website is the only website where I feel secure. This is so nerve racking. What should I do while my bf is in India? Should I move on?

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Saffron Raymie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No. There's absolutely no risk from what you described.

Yahoo Answers is the worst ever place for information, because it has no real names and people can say whatever they like. They also do not work in sex education. If you click on 'About me' in Heather's signature, you'll see that she's been working in sex education for over 10 years; and she's not concerned about pregnancy here. If we were, we'd all be telling you so; because working out what you'd like to do with a pregnancy is much better done as early as possible. However, none of us have said that; because with all our experience and knowledge and human reproduction; we know it's completely impossible.

Your psychologist is absolutely spot on with this. The reason what you described does not pose a pregnancy risk is that sperm cells are way, way too delicate and fragile to survive on hands. They need semen (the white fluid they swim in) to get around. When that semen is changed slightly; temperature, being on a hand or anything that isn't a penis or a vulva - they just can't deal. They're little tails break; they can't go anywhere in the changed semen. They need very specific conditions to survive.

So, it's impossible you'd be pregnant from sperm cells being on someone's hand our anything that isn't a penis or a vulva. That's why we're saying it's impossible. So, I'd do youself a big favour and stay away from Yahoo Answers and all other unreliable sources of information on the internet.

You're hopefully reassured now; because we can't keep talking about pregnancy with you; firstly beacuse it's impossible and out of the question - so it doesn't make sense to keep going over it; but secondly - and more importantly- because there are MUCH bigger issues and things that mean you are not safe. Your boyfriend sound like he's sexually abusing you. And that's very very serious.

You are clearly not comfortable with him touching you there - it makes you worry. This is a sign that you're not ready to do that yet - which is perfectly fine. So why is he STILL doing it?

All kinds of sex need to be talked about and agreed to before they happen. If one person doesn't want to, we're talking about a sexual assault here. What do you mean by move on when he's in India? I would strongly recommend getting away from him; for your own safety; getting out of that relationship for your own self-protection.

Here's more on being ready for sex and sexual consent:



[ 03-05-2012, 04:52 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

--------------------
'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you so much, you answered all my fears with why it's impossible and that put my mind to rest [Smile]

I don't know how to describe my feelings toward him and my relationship with him. He left for a trip to India from March 1 until April 13. He kept hinting his worries the day he left that I would get back with my ex since he had heard from mutual friends that my ex planned to win me back when my bf left. I reassured him that he could trust me, but when I joked around with him about not missing me too much when he starts to miss my kisses, he responded by saying "haha if I get horny there, I'm gona **** a girl" which obviously made me go quiet. Then he said he was joking and told me to stop being quiet. I don't know why, but I've felt so tense and anxious since he left. I feel like he WILL do something like cheat on me there; even my friends noticed the change in me. They said I seem drained, and he hasn't contacted me at all since he arrived there and it's been days. Not a single facebook message or anything. The last time he contacted me was when he texted me on his stopover in Taiwan. But I do know that he is there (from his cousins). I just don't trust him. Am I just being possessive?

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I hear you saying that you're worried because you haven't heard from him, you're worried about what it might mean.

Going back to something we talked about with you when you first posted in this thread, how do you feel about the material we gave you on abusive relationships?

I'm also wondering how you feel about your boyfriend in general?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The material honestly had me crying after reading each article which is why I kind of avoided that aspect of the thread. A part of me cried because it sounds familiar to him but he always constantly apologizes to me for it, promises to never do it again and half the time he shows me how I am at fault for him saying hurtful things because I pushed him to be angry.

I love him a lot. I just don't trust him, and it's making me so anxious and stressed out. I keep trying to tell myself to trust him but it's driving me crazy as to why I can't trust him even though, from my knowledge, he hasn't cheated on me or anything.

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What you may also have seen in those articles is that that behaviour, apologizing and promising, or saying that you pushed him to be angry is also typical of abusive people.

Let's talk about why you don't trust him...not about the cheating but just in general? Has there ever been something he's done, even something small, that you think might have made you not trust him, even a little bit?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know, it'll be the little things he says. He has a flirty personality and enjoys the attention other women give him, so when I see "friends who are girls" texting him, it makes me feel uneasy thinking he's hitting on them. Then when I bring up my concerns, he gets mad and tells me to trust him, and that he wouldn't hook up with 2 girls at once.. But the problem with that is that he never denies just flirting with them and talking to them like they're his GF. I know he has several Indian weddings to go to this week (he mentioned it before he left) and it makes me so nervous knowing he's going to meet so many girls there. He hasn't even contacted me once since he arrived there and I refuse to try and contact him even on Facebook, where he could potentially reply with a confession that he cheated on me there. Im sorry if I rambled :/
Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I hear two worries: the first that he hasn't contacted you; the second that you're afraid he'll cheat on you.

His not contacting yoou is something you know for sure, and you have every right to decide that you don't feel okay about that. You don't want to contact him, yet it sounds like this is weighing on you. What would help you stress less about this?

As to the cheating: He's done things in the past you don't like. It's completely okay that you don't like him flirting with other people. You're allowed to decide what you do and don't want in a relation.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, that's precisely it. For example, I went on Facebook today and it appeared on my NewsFeed that he had added two new guy friends. It was the first activity he's had since he left, but he never bothered to leave me a message saying he got there safely. I want to get out of the relationship because I feel like he's more stress than benefit at this point in time, but what do I do if he finally talks to me when he comes back? I think every GF deserves to hear from their bf at least once on a trip.

I have a question btw about periods. I am regular when it comes to my period every month. I was supposed to start ovulating this week (I haven't had creamy discharge all week, sorry for being graphic) but I don't think Ive even started my fertile week and I was supposed to ovulate tomorrow. What could be affecting it?

If its relevant at all, the only things that have changed in my life since my last period was my bf left for India, and to take my mind off of it, I began working out every single day and completely started eating healthy again on top of having midterms all week. Other than that I'm the same. This is scary, help?

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What I meant to ask was : all the sexual activity I have engaged in I had mentioned and described earlier in this thread which Ray answered. You said its impossible to get pregnant with my jeans+underwear+pad on and from
fingering which is the only thing I've done since he's left. Why does it seem like I'm not ovulating yet? (I've decided to stay off Yahoo Answers and not ask there for my own sanity lol)

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Please help! I'm a bit concerned. Obviously since my boyfriend left for India, I haven't been sexually active. The only times I had been sexually active are listed above (feb 23, where my jeans, pad and underwear never came off because it was the first day of my period when we fooled around; feb 28 when he fingered me but he did not touch he penis before fingering me; and march 1 when he just touched my vagina for a few seconds but again, did not touch himself beforehand). I think I was ovulating on the weekend because I had a lot of discharge and it had been delayed due to stress. Right after I had a tough workout at the gym tonight, I went to pee and noticed the slightest bit of blood when I wiped. It's not spotting because it was too little to be spotting. It was literally three drops and I couldn't tell if it was the fabric of my underwear (my underwear is red) that just got mixed with my fluids when I wiped. However when I peed a second time, there was no more red blood but rather the faintest line of light brown/yellow which looked like the last trace of blood. If I obviously couldn't get pregnant from anything from those three days and it's not implantation bleeding, what could it be???
Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It could be spotting. Sometimes spotting is just a very little bit.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
malissasamantha
Neophyte
Member # 94982

Icon 1 posted      Profile for malissasamantha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi everyone,

First off, I wanted to thank you for all your support and reassurance through impossible situations. Thank you for the patience. I just wanted to notify everyone here on the website that my boyfriend finally called me from India last night, and after reading several of your articles on the website concerning relationships, i decided to end the relationship last night. Here is how the conversation went when he called:

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey, it's me.
Me: Oh my gosh, hi babe!
Him: Hey babe. So how many times have you played with yourself since I left?
Me: Um, haha. Im not answering that.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I don't want to. How's your trip going?
Him: Why not? You don't trust me?
Me: I do, but I can just hear your cousins in the background and I don't feel comfortable doing so. Anyway, tell me about how everything's been there. How's your grandma?
Him: Why do you ask so many questions? Why don't you just do it?
Me: because I don't want to. Babe, guess what? I got a new job!
Him: So?
Me: Arent you proud or happy for me?
Him: Not really. So why won't you do it?
Me: Because I don't feel comfortable.
Him: You don't want me to do it with another girl right? But yet you don't want to? So what do you expect me to do?
Me: Um, because I haven't spoken to you in 2 weeks and I actually want to hear about how you're doing. You don't miss me?
Him: No, but my di*ck does. That's so stupid. I plan on being with you for another 4-5 years so why does it matter if I miss you?
Me: Okay, you don't have to be so rude.
Him: I'm not. You're just killing my mood. I got hard for nothing.
Me: Where are your cousins?
Him: They're getting ready. It's 1pm here.
Me: Thats cool, what are you guys up to today?
Him: Why does it matter?
Me: Okay, whatever. I gotta go.
Him: I'll call you tomorrow or the day after.

And then it hit me that I was in a very unhealthy relationship. So before we hung up, I ended the relationship. Thank you for giving me the knowledge and insight to see that I was in a destructive relationship because I was constantly surrounded by friends who did not want to hurt my feelings and tell me the truth. Thank you Heather, Robin, Ray and Kat!

Posts: 16 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen