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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » I've Been Thinking About Losing My Virginity...I have questions!!

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Author Topic: I've Been Thinking About Losing My Virginity...I have questions!!
RylosCentauri
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So, I've been with my boyfriend for a very long time now. He's the first person I've ever felt comfortable with enough to feel these feelings of wanting to have sex. I've had these feelings for a while now and I think that after I turn 18 in March, I'd like to maybe start seriously considering losing my virginity with him.

We are very open with each other and communicate very well. I'm just nervous and afraid I'll do something wrong, or it'll hurt or I'll get myself into trouble. I feel like there is a lot to worry about when you consider having sex--the condoms, lube and the big Birth Control/"The Pill" dealio. I've recieved a VERY (Emphasis on very) poor sex education.

My mother always said she would explain any question I had to ask about sex--but when I did ask a couple questions last week she got annoyed and even a bit angry. And I didn't get a lot of information from her. So I was just wondering a few things:

-Will I most definitely bleed?
-Will it 100% FOR SURE be an unpleasant experience even though I can honestly say I love the guy and we have a lot of fun together normally?
-Will it hurt?
-How necessary is lube? Let's just pretend that perhaps the lube would not be available; what then??
-Should I be on the pill? I heard that it can mess you up a bit--but I have no clue about how or if it even can. I don't know what to look out for or what precautions to take.

I'm enthusiastic about doing this lovely thing with someone I truly care about, but I'm desperate to get some answers! Thank you [Smile] ))

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"Love Keeps Us Together Love Will Keep Us Alive and We Are Criminals Who Never Broke The Laws..." --Talking Heads, "Sax and Violins" <3

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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These are a lot of questions. So how about we deal with a couple of things at a time, okay?

The whole idea that all women bleed and have a horrible time during first intercourse is a big, fat myth. [Smile]

Here are a couple of articles that will explain this further, and we can definitely talk about that more if you're still unsure.

My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

First Intercourse 101

Can you tell me a little more about what your concerns are re the pill, I.E. how you believe it can "mess" you up? There are many different options for birth control and we can talk about those.

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Robin

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RylosCentauri
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Oh thank you so much for those articles!

Well, one of my girlfriends said she skipped a pill and ended up in the hospital because her blood thinned out. I can't remember what she called it but it sounded terrible--and because I don't know much about how birth control works, I don't know if this is something true or not.

I had also heard a number of things that can go wrong with your cycle when you take the pill, but it's a bit cloudy.

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"Love Keeps Us Together Love Will Keep Us Alive and We Are Criminals Who Never Broke The Laws..." --Talking Heads, "Sax and Violins" <3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Skipping a birth control pill will not thin the blood and land someone in the hospital. So, she may have missed a pill, but that is not likely to have had anything to do with her hospital visit.

Why don't you mention those things you've hard about what the pill can make "go wrong" so we can talk about them? Mind, the pill is only one of many available birth control options, so it's not like someone who wants to prevent pregnancy can only take the pill to achieve that aim.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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RylosCentauri
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Well, it isn't really specific things--but people have either said "You need to take the pill when you start having sex" and others have said, "It's a mistake to take the pill". No one was ever really specific with me.

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"Love Keeps Us Together Love Will Keep Us Alive and We Are Criminals Who Never Broke The Laws..." --Talking Heads, "Sax and Violins" <3

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Heather
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Okay.

So, you don't need to take the pill when you start having sex. Not unless a) you want to prevent pregnancy and b) that's the method you want to use to do that.

If you do want to prevent pregnancy, then yep, you're going to need to be using some form or forms of contraception. Whether or not that's the pill is up to you. If you want to reduce your risk of STIs, you'll also need to be practicing safer sex, and that's where your choices are more limited. Only latex or some nonlatex barriers prevent STIs, and they do need to be used in very specific ways to be effective, and testing is what testing is.

Whether or not taking the pill is a mistake really depends on a given person's experience with it. No one form of birth control is right for everyone, and there is NO form of birth control where everyone has had only positive or only negative experiences. With all of them, there's a wide range.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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RylosCentauri
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Thank you so much!
I am also concerned about whether it leads to any increased risk of cancer because every woman in my family has had breast cancer/skin cancer except for my sister and I. And I heard somewhere that it may effect that.

I also heard that there is a specific window of time in your life where you are suppose take birth control and a certain period of time where you stop (because you aren't supposed to take them when you're around 35-40, apparently). And I'm just curious about that.

Thank you again for answering my questions and providing good articles [Smile] I'm at ease.

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"Love Keeps Us Together Love Will Keep Us Alive and We Are Criminals Who Never Broke The Laws..." --Talking Heads, "Sax and Violins" <3

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Heather
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This page gives a very good, medically accurate overview about oral contraceptives and cancers: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/oral-contraceptives

But with the cancers that run in your family, having them be in your family is really where your risk lies.

Age-wise, that's not really an issue like it used to be a few decades ago when BCPs had much higher levels of estrogen than they do now. Noe, someone who wants to take the pill part their mid-thirties usually can safely so long as they don't smoke. It's that combo (and smoking, period), or having other health issues besides age, that can create higher risks, not age itself.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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RylosCentauri
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Oh--I see. And thank you for this link [Smile]

Ah good, I was so nervous about the risks. Thank you very much!

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"Love Keeps Us Together Love Will Keep Us Alive and We Are Criminals Who Never Broke The Laws..." --Talking Heads, "Sax and Violins" <3

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Of course.

You should also just know that if and when you want to consider using any method of contraception that requires a prescription, fitting or insertion by a healthcare provider, they are going to go over all of this with you if they're doing your job. At the very least they will always take a full health history to make sure any method you're asking for is likely to be right for you, and not likely to pose major health risks.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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