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Author Topic: New Birth Control
Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Hey, I just had a question about birth control. I'm 16, but my parents most likely wouldn't allow me to have any kind of sexual relationship right now, so I'm going to wait until I'm 18 to do so. But I've been looking at different methods of birth control nonetheless, mainly because a very good friend of mine and I recently realized that we were interested in each other sexually. (I've known him for twelve years; we're good childhood friends, and the romance/sex-interest is fairly new.) He's also a little older than me (4 years) which I think my parents would also not approve of, because I'm still a minor and he's an adult. They've known him as long as I have, though, so that could be a positive contributing factor when I do end up telling them. So far we've only kissed and done heavy petting and some under-the-clothes touching/fondling. But, to get back to my question: I heard about a new form of birth control called NuvaRing. Anyone who knows about it want to tip some info my way? Thanks! (Oh...and could that same person perhaps also give me a refresher on Plan B, too? Thanks again, and in advance! You guys are great and a real big help!) [Smile]

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Lorelei

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Robin Lee
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These two articles should answer your questions. If they don't, we can talk about them more.

Did you also want to talk about talking to your parents about sex? What you do with your body is completely up to you, though the fact that you still live with your parents and that your friend is an adult while you are still a minor are definitely considerations. It's also worthwhile noting that while you've chosen to wait for intercourse, the things you and your friend do are still sexual activities. So, the two of you can still be sexual with each other even if you don't have intercourse. There are no goals with sex with a partner except mutual enjoyment. [Smile]

Here are the articles about the Ring and Emergency Contraception.


the Vaginal Ring (Nuvaring)

Emergency Contraception (Plan B or the Morning-After-Pill)

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Robin

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Yeah, I think I would like to talk about talking to my parents about this. I mean, I know it ultimately lands on me to do this on my own or maybe with my friend along for support and extra confirmation, but I feel like a little more advice on THAT particular problem would be helpful. I've spoken with my friend about this, too.

And thanks for the articles! They answered all my previous questions, but also introduced new ones. Like: would using Plan B with NuvaRing be a bad idea, even though it's suggested to use another backup form of birth control during the first month? My family also has a history of brain aneurysms—I don't know if it is genetic or not, but still—which worries me somewhat, seeing as some forms of hormonal birth control (NuvaRing) can cause blood clotting. Also: where would I go to be able to get this kind of birth control if I don't have a regular doctor or gynecologist?

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Lorelei

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Heather
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Rengailaran: before anything else, do you know about your state's program that provides free contraception and sexual healthcare to young and/or low-income people?

If not, information on that is here: http://www.familypact.org/en/Clients/what-is-family-pact.aspx That site includes a search tool for clinics across the state enrolled in the program.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(One other just-so-you-know which is that the age of consent in your state is 18, so someone four years older than you who WAS sexual with you would, in fact, be committing a crime.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Oh shoot! Does that make him a criminal? And no, I didn't know about it. But thanks for letting me know about both things!

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Lorelei

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Heather
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So, for both of you to know -- though any legal responsibility with this would lie exclusively with him, as a legal adult, since you're not one -- the deal with these laws in your state is this: http://ageofconsent.com/california.htm

The important text there in the case of both of you is probably:
"(b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years
older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is
guilty of a misdemeanor.

(c) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is more than three years younger than
the perpetrator is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and
shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one
year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.
(d) Any person over the age of 21 years who engages in an act of
unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is under 16 years of age
is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and shall be punished
by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by
imprisonment in the state prison for two, three, or four years."

This can be pretty serious stuff, sometimes resulting in not merely "criminal" but in someone being a sex offender, which carries a LOT more weight and serious, sometimes lifelong, consequences, than many other crimes do.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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IOW, it sounds like you're making the choice to hold off on genital sex for now, anyway, but this is one more very good reason to do so, especially with someone four years older than you are who is an adult when you're not, legally.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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I knew it was illegal for an adult to have sexual intercourse with someone under 18—another reason why I didn't want to have sex with him, not just because my parents wouldn't want me to. But I didn't know all the specific details (which, on second thought, I probably should have!). It makes me feel a little like I could have done much better with my research and updating my knowledge. Thanks for letting me know! And I did find a place nearby with the link you gave me. I'll go and check it out.

Are there still any repercussions in anything that I've already done or will do with him that isn't sexual intercourse...?

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Lorelei

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Heather
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It depends on a given set of laws, which in the US, varies from state-to-state.

But also, the onus is really on the adult to know about this, not on a minor, since a) they have rights and agency you don't, and b) it would not be criminal for you, but for them.

From all I can tell with your state laws, this is only around intercourse, which probably means -- as it usually does -- any kind of genital entry or contact.

But again, I'd not take this on all by yourself. This is something that's really more for HIM to research than for you, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Aye, and he probably knows (if not all) most of it. But it's good that I now know more than I did. And, I can definitely make sure that he is aware of it, too.

I still have to tell my parents about this, and I'm still worried about the birth control...and the fact that he's an adult and I'm still a minor at this point in time only make things a little more complicated...

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Lorelei

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Heather
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Well, let's sort out what you need here, maybe in a priority order.

You want the birth control method now, even though you are saying you don't intend to have any use for it for at least a year or two from now because....? Just trying to figure out the deal to navigate the possible talk with your folks.

And do I have right that that's the context you're worried about birth control in? If not, can you clear up what is for me?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Oh, sorry! No, I don't want it now, I just wanted to know about it and be more informed now so I would be able to have my options, weigh them, and make the best decision when the time arrived. I should have specified that more clearly, I'm sorry. My fault!

[ 01-25-2012, 03:55 PM: Message edited by: Rengailaran ]

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Lorelei

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Heather
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No worries.

Ultimately, the best process with considering methods is to do some reading about all your options, then pick an option or two that sounds good, and then have a discussion about a healthcare provider wit them. With prescription methods or those like IUDs, that's pretty essential, since just like with any surgery or medication, any one thing is not going to be sound for everyone or the right choice for everyone from a health perspective.

While I also think educating yourself about methods now is great, what method is going to be best for someone often isn't something they can figure out way in advance, but more at or fairly near to the time they will need it. because, of course, your wants and needs can change a whole lot in two years, as can your health, what methods are available, etc. Know what I mean?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Gotcha. So...I should wait until the time actually arrives to decide on all of this instead of deciding now which may not help me all that much?

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Lorelei

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Robin Lee
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Nodding. Informing yourself is definitely a great idea, but no need to do all the work of deciding when you don't actually need it. [Smile]

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Robin

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Or at least a lot closer to it than two years away.

Again, I don't see any reason not to do any research you want to do around contraception in advance: I think that's really smart.

But taking it to the point where you're trying to choose a method for a couple years from now just strikes me as something potentially likely to be a waste of your time, since your wants and needs may change, maybe even radically, when contraception is something you actually need.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Alright. Cool. Thanks to you both! I'll keep searching and learning, but I'll also keep my options open instead of setting everything in stone... Thanks again, you too! You've been great help! [Smile] [Big Grin]

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Lorelei

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
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Alright. Cool. Thanks to you both! I'll keep searching and learning, but I'll also keep my options open instead of setting everything in stone... Thanks again, you too! You've been great help! [Smile] [Big Grin]

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Lorelei

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