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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Suddenly can't orgasm...

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Author Topic: Suddenly can't orgasm...
Photogirl73
Neophyte
Member # 93198

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Hi there!

I'm having such a strange issue...for some context, I'll explain that I am 18, a virgin, and I have masturbated to orgasm regularly for years. I'm now in my first serious relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy. I feel completely happy, comfortable, and safe with him. The farthest we have gone sexually is making out, touching with clothes on and some phone sex. We haven't done anything yet that would've made either of us orgasm, so I don't know yet if I'll be able to orgasm with him. However, the problem is that I am suddenly unable to orgasm through masturbation. Even when we were having phone sex and I was extremely turned on and masturbating, I just couldn't orgasm, which is so strange for me. I know that this must be an emotional issue, as I am physically perfectly fine, but I am so incredibly happy with my boyfriend, and he has done nothing but show how much he cares about me emotionally. There's absolutely nothing that he has done that would've caused any emotional distress for me. I did just start taking Loestrin 24 fe, but this issue started when I started dating my boyfriend, not when I started taking the pill, so I don't think that that is the issue.

I'm just so confused about why this is happening! And I'm also planning to have sex for the first time sometime soon, and I don't want to be saddled with this issue when that time comes.

Can anyone maybe help me shed some light on this weird problem?

Thanks!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, reaching orgasm the first time you have genital sex with someone is not a realistic expectation regardless: it's pretty typical for it to take new couples a while to both get there.

All the same, how many weeks or months has this been going on for now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Photogirl73
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Member # 93198

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That's totally fine with me. If I don't orgasm the first time I have sex, that's not a big deal. I'm much more excited about the journey than the destination, I'm just a little concerned about the fact that I suddenly can't orgasm alone either.

About a month. Normally, I would orgasm through masturbation at least a couple of times a week, so this is very strange for me.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Has this ever happened for you before, that you recall?

Have you also mixed up your fantasies or the ways you masturbate lately? Sometimes people can just hit a point where what got them there before just fizzles out and stops working, and trying new things -- with your mind and your body -- can make a difference.

Too, do you have any conflicted or confused feelings about masturbating when dating that you're aware of? Some people feel like it isn't okay to do that (we'd disagree, but feelings are what they are), for example, so can find that when dating, their positive feelings about their solo sex life change for them.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Photogirl73
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Member # 93198

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No, it hasn't. Since I started masturbating, I've always been able to orgasm.

I think that I've been thinking more about the reality of sex (rather than the abstract idea) lately, which turns me on, but for some reason can't really finish the job. I guess I'm probably just psyching myself out because I'm worried that sex won't be what I've been expecting. It's been really easy to hide from that in the past, but now that I'm in a relationship, that's definitely been on the forefront of my mind.

I don't feel badly about masturbating in a relationship. My boyfriend and I have talked about it and we're both 100% cool with the other one pleasing ourselves, but it's possible that because I've told him that I'm not quite ready for sex yet, that maybe I'm feeling badly about pleasing myself since I'm not ready to please him yet? That's not something that he's put on me at all, but that could be it.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Want to maybe talk about how sex (I assume you mean any kind of sex with a partner, but if you mean something else, let me know) might NOT be what you're expecting, but how that also could still be okay?

I'm a big proponent of trusting our gut feelings and intuition, so per your second paragraph, I'd say that if you think that could be an issue, it probably is.

How about the idea that you already ARE pleasing him, and that you also aren't standing in his way of pleasing himself sexually any more than he would be in the way of you doing so? In other words, you each have your own sexuality without each other, and neither of you are there for the other one's pleasure or sexual ownership of any kind. I'm sure he's enjoying what you two have been doing together so far unless he's voiced that he isn't, and that he doesn't feel you masturbating is standing in his way, since he's expressed that clearly.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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