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Author Topic: Fingering scare :(
helpme17
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Hey,

I know i've posted questions on this forum earlier and most have them have been very unreasonable concerns. Nonetheless, the answers given to me on this website have always helped me calm down and see reason.

Because of my paranoia my boyfriend and i dont indulge in anything sexual and he is aware of how scared i get if he even touches me anywhere near my genitals. The other day we were just cuddling and kissing and one thing led to another and i ended up giving him a handjob. But i was very careful about it, my clothes didnt come off, i was sitting away from him, my hands only touched precum and i put my hand away just as he was about to ejaculate. He didnt touch me anywhere coz i really prefer it that way. So yeah i had a bit of precum on my hands which got wiped away on his jeans and tissues, even though before the wiping i couldn't really feel much wetness for more than a couple of minutes. I then went and washed my hands with soap and water but like not thoroughly (like i didnt scrape under the nails etc). I waited around 40 minutes during which time my hands touched other surfaces and food. After those 40 minutes i went to the bathroom and checked myself for cervical mucus (sorry, gross i know) coz i've been trying to track ovulation. i put my index finger in a bit (sorry to be graphic). I think its my incessant need to be worried about something or the other related my period and ever since i 'fingered' myself, i've been worried that sperm might have gone through. I know it sounds very ridiculous but like always i need to hear it from someone else who is credible. Is there anyway sperm from precum could have survived after wiping, not-so-thorough handwashing and touching other surfaces and all of this after 40 minutes? Like under the nails or folds of my skin? And then gone into my vagina when i put my finger in? Please help me [Frown]

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September
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Nope, there is no risk from this.

Washing your hands will do the trick: you don't need to be super-thorough with it, just regular handwashing is enough to clean off ejaculate.

And even if you hadn't washed your hands at all, after 40 minutes there would not be a risk, as semen need the ejaculatory fluid. Once that dries up, everything in it goes, too.

[ 11-08-2011, 01:23 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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helpme17
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Thanks for the prompt reply! So theres is no way sperm could have been under my nails or like in the folds of fingers? I am just so freaked out about the possibility of this happening, I cant believe i did something as stupid as touch myself knowing how easily i get scared.

How long after touching precum is it ok to touch yourself even if you dont wash your hands?

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Karybu
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There's really no chance of that - sperm aren't that tough, and they don't survive well in conditions that are less than ideal for them (like under fingernails or in the folds of your fingers, especially after a handwashing). As for how long after touching pre-ejaculate is it okay to touch yourself, after half an hour or so it's safe to assume that all the sperm that may have been present are dead.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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helpme17
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Okay thanks for that. One more question- in terms of only precum on hands (which is of course very little compared to ejaculate), i've read that as soon as it dries, the sperm is dead. So is it safe to assume that sperm in precum would be dead if my hand was dry and it had been less than half an hour? Or can sperm still survive in dry precum if its been less than half an hour?
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September
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How quickly something dries depends on a lot of different factors, so we can't tell you exactly. Half an hour is a very good average assumption, but of course your hands may dry faster than that. And if they feel dry, they probably are [Smile]

Also: even if your hands weren't completely dry, there is no risk from potentially transferring semen that way. It takes direct genital contact to create a pregnancy risk. Semen that have been transferred to your hand, and then sat there for a while, just won't be viable anymore. So even if there still was something on your hand, it wouldn't have been enough and it wouldn't have been in the right condition to still cause a pregnancy.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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helpme17
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Okay. Just wondering, I came across and older scarleteen thread and it says there that there is some risk from fingering with precum-

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum10/HTML/000590.html

Doesnt that conflict what you said?

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Karybu
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I'm not seeing anything in that thread that says there's a risk from fingering with pre-cum....? There is mention of ejaculating fully on on someone's hand and then that hand coming into contact with the vulva, but that's a different situation entirely.

You can trust what Joey's been telling you here: you have not had a risk.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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helpme17
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So theres absolutely no chance of a pregnancy happening right? Or would you say there maybe a very small chance?

Sorry to keep bothering you with questions, but for my sanity I need to talk to someone and because of my cultural background I cant talk to anyone at home. Thanks for all your help so far.

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September
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From what you have told us here, there is no risk.

How about, instead of focusing on your worries, we focus on how you can feel safer moving forward. Have you been able to talk to your partner about your concerns? How do you both feel about the sexual activities you are engaging in? Do you feel sure that you are ready for the activities you are engaging in?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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helpme17
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Thanks. Yeah I know its more of an issue of the guilt or how i feel about it. At the back of my mind, I know its not possible but its just that feeling of 'what if' and as stupid as it sounds, just want to prepare myself for the worst.
This has been going on for the last 6 months. The 1st time there was a legit reason coz my bf and i were naked even though we didnt do anything. Ever since my 1st scare we havent done anything but I find things to freak me out. 3 months it was the whole sperm getting through layer of clothing thing, and 2 months (incl this month) its been a fingering scare. I've talked to my bf and he's very supportive and we've decided we're gonna wait for sex. But it keeps happening in the heat of the moment. And this month I gave him a handjob, both of us being sooooooo careful that nothing gets on me and then later i went and put a finger in, like it wasnt even 'fingering' in like a sexual sense.

Its just something I need to work on. Thing is, i'm going overseas to my grandparents in India tmrw. I'm just scared that IF something happens, my bf wont be there and I wont have anyone to talk to to or get help from. And just then I suddenly thought to myself 'what if i faint in front of them coz i'm pregnant?' and then i wont be able to hide anything [Frown]

Just so I can get another shred of doubt out of my head- say some of the precum got on the back of my fingers where i didnt use soap. Is it possible that after 40 minutes it was still wet and viable to make me pregnant?

(I just wanna say a massive thank you to all of you. I know it may seem like i'm not listening but its just the reassurance I need. Sorry for this very long post, its unbelievable that you guys actually take out the time to read and respond so effectively)

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Heather
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What you're describing with your hand is highly unlikely to present a pregnancy risk, no.

It might also help you feel better to know that Marie Stopes has branches in India, so if you did need any sexual healthcare, you could find it. Again, seems unlikely, but I figure it might be a comfort for you to know about it.

When you get back, if you'd like to talk more about how to stick to your commitment to yourself to put all kinds of sex on the backburner for your own well-being, we'd be happy to help you with that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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helpme17
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Thanks for that, Heather.

I promise this is the last time i'll pester you guys but when you say 'highly unlikely', does that mean there is still a minute chance of something happening even if my hand was dry?

I hope to hear from you guys soon since I leave soon and dont know if i'll have internet access there.

Thanks alot!

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Heather
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What that means is that any time there might be anything of a chance at all based on what we know, even if it is so miniscule we think it's just not going to happen, we can't say there's none. That's a legal/accountability piece for us, but also factual information.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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helpme17
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Thanks for that Heather. Out of curiosity, I read somewhere that you worked at a pregnancy/abortion centre. Did you ever come across a case where the pregnancy was a result of fingering?
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Heather
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I did, for a couple years, and nope, I did not. Obviously that doesn't mean it can't happen, but really, I'm not surprised I didn't see that, and I don't know anyone in clinic care who has. I really do think we can say that cases like that are not at all likely to pose viable risks.

What we do see is pregnancy via vaginal or anal intercourse, or when people think or say they're not having intercourse, but are both naked and rubbing their (naked) genitals together, which really is pretty much intercourse. So, if it is intercourse or is a whole lot like it? Then you can figure there's a real risk. Otherwise? You really don't need to sweat it when it comes to pregnancy.

But if, when you get back, you do think you'll be doing things like only one of you wearing underpants and grinding, then maybe something else for us to talk about is condom use and contraception, okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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helpme17
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Thanks Heather, that puts my mind to ease. I really dont think we'll be indulging in such activities but yes i'm thinking of getting on to bcp once I get back. Not because we want to do anything but just so I dont feel so scared IF something like this were to happen again.
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Heather
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No trouble, and we're happy to support you with whatever choices you feel are best for you, and whatever information you need to best make those choices or carry them through.

I hope you can go on this (exciting!) trip feeling better about all of this.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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