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Author Topic: i need help :/
kathrine w.
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Member # 80582

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First ill get the main part over, I had an ate and I knew it... Last week my boyfriend came over and he wanted to....do it and at first I said no cause he didn't have a fandom then one thing leads to the ne,t we.did it... But only.for 20 seconds cause I.remembered I had.one can he still get it ? :/ I'm too ashamed to say anything

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Kathrne w.

Posts: 5 | From: canada | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kathrine w.
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Member # 80582

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I had an std, and we had sex but only for I little bit is what I meant to say

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Kathrne w.

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-Firefly-
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Hi kathrine, welcome to Scarleteen!

When you say you had an STI, do you mean you had one, got treatment, and it's gone? Or do you still have symptoms and never got treatment?

If you were treated and the STI is gone (and you got clear test results after), then your boyfriend would not be at risk. If however, you did not get treatment, your boyfriend is at risk for catching what you have. If that's the case, then it's you responsibility to tell him. I can understand how it could be a difficult conversation to have, but it's nothing to be ashamed about. STIs are incredibly common and many are easily treatable and others are very manageable with medication.

Do you need any help with how to approach the conversation?

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Vero
Scarleteen Volunteer
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kathrine w.
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Member # 80582

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I had it at the time but got treated as soon as I found out later , but is there a chance he may not get it :/ and yeah I wouldn't know what to say [Frown]

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Kathrne w.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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When people have any kind of infection, sometimes others will acquire it, sometimes they won't. But just like we'd tell someone in close contact we have a cold so they could choose if they wanted to expose themselves or not, the same protocol holds with STIs. All the more so, really, since an untreated STI can make someone very sick, sometimes even impact their long-term health seriously.

So, when you two were sexual together, are you saying you were finished with the treatment for your infection, and had been retested to know you were clear or not?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kathrine w.
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I wasn't cleared yet I only found out I had it a couple days later and I meant to say std . Because it was only for a few seconds then I stopped.

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Kathrne w.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It really doesn't matter: he still would have been exposed.

So, assuming you care about this person (and they about you: you say you said no at first, and I'm assuming you just changed your mind rather than got talked into sex you didn't want) and don't want to be part of potentially causing someone some potentially serious health problems, you'll want to let him know about this.

Can you handle that? For sure, it's a far more awkward conversation after-the-fact than before, but it's one of those things were you just want to put it out there pretty straightforwardly and clearly.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kathrine w.
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Member # 80582

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I know , well I don't really have a choice so I guess its just better to get it over with .:$

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Kathrne w.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It might help to go into that conversation understanding that this person also didn't do what he needed to to protect both of you, either.

In other words, it's not just you that erred here. he also didn't use a condom to protect YOU or himself from infections, either.

By all means, you've got some extra responsibility to carry here having known you had an STI at the time and knowing he didn't know that, but all the responsibility here doesn't just like with you. Knowing that might make having this talk at least a little less stressful, I figure.

And if you want to talk about how to negotiate safer sex and sex with partners and best reduce your risks of STIs, we're happy to do that with you. Obviously, in whatever dynamics were going on here, you didn't feel capable of doing that, so if you want to walk through it together to figure out how to do this better next time around, we can hep you with that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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