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georgiexx
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okay so my boyfriend is coming round to mine tomorrow so we can talk. he actually offered to come round my house (which is unusual) to talk.

im just nervous and need a little help, about how to word things. i dont want to sound like im accusing him of things.i just want to tell him how i feel and make it clear things will need to change, otherwise i cant be with him anymore, but without sounding harsh or like im trying to be argumentative?

im also aware that there is a chance he may say he doesnt want to be with me anymore. it makes me feel sick and depressed thinking about it. BUT what do i say back to him if he says this, in a way that makes me sound like im not begging for him back? obviously i will want him to change his mind but if its best we arnt together than i want to respond in a mature way, but im worried that i will literally just freak out and beg for him back which is NOT what i want to do. i want to respond maturely.

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Karybu
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Hey georgie, sorry it took us awhile to get to your post. Have you had this talk with your boyfriend yet? If not, do you still want to talk about some strategies for helping that discussion go well?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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georgiexx
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he broke up with me anyway, before i had the chance to say anything.
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September
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I'm so sorry to hear that, Georgie. If you want to talk about what happened, we're happy to listen and offer support.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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georgiexx
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i dont think there is anything that will make me feel better. i am so completely heartbroken and devastated. he was so nice and kind to me, and gentle about it, so i cant even try and make myself hate him. he was so lovely to me. he even let me sit on his lap and give him a cuddle.

i cant believe we arnt together anymore.

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September
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I think it might help to start by letting go of the idea that you should hate him.

You were in a relationship with this guy for a fairly long time, so you obviously have deep feelings for him and they don't go away from one second to the next.

Too, there's no rule that says that you can't continue to like your ex-partner. Maybe you two have a great basis for a friendship, and can continue to stay in each other's lives that way?

It's also okay to feel devastated and heartbroken. The end of a relationship is always hard to deal with, and no one is expecting you to bounce right back. Give yourself the time and space to grieve. Be good to yourself - indulge in some activities that make you feel better, like reading a favorite book or taking a relaxing bath. Talk to friends or family and for support or distraction - whichever you need most right now. And don't try to force any feelings that you think are expected of you. However you feel is perfectly valid and okay.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
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georgiexx: I wasn't here at work yesterday, and I'll only be here for a little while this morning, so I'm sorry I missed this. I really hope you're doing okay.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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he was so nice, and he said he still loves me, and cares for me, but we cant be together because its not working. he said i'm his best friend, and he still wants to be friends. i cant be that right now. i dont want to be his friend, i want to be his girlfriend.

i love him so much. this is the worst feeling i have ever experienced. he said this past 2 years have been the happiest in his life.

i dont understand, if we love each other why cant we just be together?

i cant stop crying. i feel like i'll never feel better.

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Karybu
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I'm so sorry you're going through this, georgie. Breakups can be so difficult. And, as much as it sucks, we can love people and they can love us back and still not feel that a romantic relationship is the best fit.

It's totally okay if you feel you can't be friends right now: that takes some adjustment, and a lot of people need time away before trying out a friendship with an ex-partner. Take whatever time you need for yourself to grieve; find some things that help you take care of yourself (reading a favourite book, watching a movie, hanging out with friends for support, whatever).

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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georgiexx
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i want us to get back together. im so heartbroken. im still in love with him.
i've just been with friends alot, but it still doesnt make it any easier.

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Heather
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georgie: Today is another day I'll only be on in an off and on way.

But if you want to talk about this, I'm happy to. I do think it's important to try and accept breakups when they happen, but you also get to feel upset when you feel upset, and grieve as you need to. That's healthy for everyone.

But if you want help sorting some of this out, why did he feel it wasn't working? Was it for the same reasons that it seemed to you/us it wasn't working, both around the sexual issues and also around really big problems communicating together?

If so, when you're asking why you two can't work these things out, it had sounded to me like trying to work them out wasn't at all new, but that you had been, but trying to work them out just wasn't making any real difference. I know when that happens it really sucks, especially in a relationship you want (and/or when you feel very scared of not being in a relationship, which it seems you've experienced feeling), but it happens often enough in life that, with a given person, at a given time where we're both at, there are divides that just can't be bridged. [Frown]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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he said nothing about sex. he said he felt like we wernt getting along, and he didnt know why. he said he felt really down and depressed and he didnt know why. and he also said he knows hes been acting like an arse to me but he didnt know why either.

he started to cry, told me its the hardest thing hes ever had to do but we have to do it. he said he still loves me, told me repeatedly that he loved me, cared for me etc. he said he didnt want me to ever change. he said i'm kind, funny, good looking etc, he even used the word amazing.

i said we could solve it, we could work out why he was feeling down. he said he didnt think we would be able to.

he held my hand, cuddled me, let me sit on his lap, he even kissed me several times.

im so confused. if he said all those things... surely in time, after we have both worked out who we are, and if we still love each other, we can work things out and be together again?

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Heather
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So, it sounds to me like he's voiced what I think you and I can agree were some longtime realities of this relationship. Right?

It also sounds to me like, honestly, he made a move that was probably quite a bit about caring in a very real way for both of you. When people just won't let go of something that obviously isn't working, and obviously if often making people unhappy, trying to be someone who steps that up often tends to be a lot more about love and care then letting a relationship like that do what it eventually will, which is to result in people resenting each other and not pursuing the opportunities they could otherwise have to seek out relationships that DID really work.

To accept a breakup, it's really important we try and do just that. So, thinking about how it could work in the future tends to be a barrier to acceptance, working through our grief and moving forward, something you'd need to do even IF down the road you got together again, if you wanted the relationship to be anything besides a rerun of how it went this time.

But really, I'd try to not focus on that. Right now, this relationship as it has been is over. I know that can hurt like hell, but trying to make it come back or focusing on how it could is kind of like pulling a band-aid off really slow instead of really fast. It's likely only going to make things hurt worse and for longer and keep you from actually having the positive change I personally think this is going to be for both of you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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how do i accept it? i dont know how. i miss him so much, we havent even spoken since it happened which was 4 days ago. no texts, no calls, nothing. his mum rang me, told me that when he got home from mine, she has to sit with him for 2 hours because he wouldnt stop sobbing.

i cant bear not speaking to him or seeing him. it really really hurts. i dont know what to do. iv been distracting myself, but sometimes theres no one to do anything with, i have to sit in. its the worst when im just sitting here. i cant stop thinking about it and i cant believe it. it feels surreal.

i know this sounds dramatic, but i REALLY do feel like this. i feel like someone has died. i know that sounds ridiculous.

i have to pick up my stuff from his house. how am i supposed to do that? how am i supposed to set foot in that house. it was like my second home, and now it cant be anymore.

i feel so bad. worst feeling iv ever had.

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Heather
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Well, you give yourself a lot of room to work on that. Acceptance of something painful or hard or unwanted isn't something likely to happen overnight for anyone. It's a process that takes time.

I don't think it's dramatic to feel the weight of a loss when we have experienced a loss. Someone didn't die, and you would feel differently if he had died, but you have had a big loss, and you're feeling it, and it feels very big. I don't think that's ridiculous.

Have you ever had to deal with major loss in your life before this? If so, how did you take care of yourself then, including at times when you were alone?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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its unbearable.

i have never had a major loss. apart from my cats dying. in fact, only about 2 weeks ago my favourite cat got hit by a car, and i was devastated. i cried for about 2 days straight, but i have 4 other cats, and i concentrate on them.

to be honest i dont know why im going on about cats. that was nowhere near as bad a feeling as this is.

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Heather
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Hey, pets are a big deal, and that's been your experience with loss. You don't need to try and compare or think about which was worse or better, especially since that's often hard to do. What I was looking for was information on how you took care of yourself if and when you did go through a loss to see if we could help you find any tools for dealing with this now.

So, after you had those days of crying, how did you deal (beyond playing with other cats)? When you thought of that one cat who was gone, how did you deal with those feelings of sorrow and missing that cat?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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the feeling just went away. after a couple days. i guess its cos, as much as i loved my cat, the feeling just didnt last. a cat cant make me laugh like my boyfriend could, or cuddle me, or talk to me, or make me feel loved like my boyfriend could.

its just so different. my boyfriend was my best friend too. but how can i sit there, and be his friend, without kissing, cuddling, going to bed together, going out with his family, being part of his family etc? its such a horrible thought.

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Heather
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Have you two talked about being friends already? Seems like with how you're feeling and with how your relationship had been going, you'll probably both need a good deal of time and space apart before you can cultivate a friendship, if that's something you both want.

But something to know is that just like some of those feelings about your cat passed, some of these will, too, even though I know it won't feel like they will now. It rarely,if ever, does, right at the start. But in time? Someone we used to do those things but don't do them with anymore, those feelings do tend to get less and less strong; those things do tend to feel less and less like givens or parts of our lives we can't live without. But it takes emotional processing, including letting go, and time.

So, again, I'd try not to put the cart before the horse here: don't expect yourself to feel things when this is all so fresh that are not about right now. Right now, you have a loss, and it's sounding like you don't have any practice dealing with loss, which is going to make this feel all the harder.

How we deal with loss tends to be pretty individual, so I guess I'd start here: it sounds like you might be someone who thinks she'd feel better when NOT alone, when you have people around you right now. Is that right?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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well when he ended it, he said he still wanted to be my friend, but we both said that we cant straight away. he said he would text me within a couple weeks to see that im okay. but i dont know if he will. i dont know if he was telling the truth, he sounded so genuine, he repeatedly told me not to change and that he still loved me and cared me for loads, but he might have just been trying to soften the blow.

what if i still feel like this in a month? 2 months? more? i know theres a chance i wont feel like this, but what if i do? cant i fight for the relationship? if we still love each other..

i have friends, and they are nice to me, but they all say the same things, and it doesnt really help me. i wish this didnt happen so bad. but it has happened. i want to know how he is, if hes sad, if he misses me...

after he broke up with me my mum had to drive him to the train station and i went to, and he held my hand all the way there. i will always love him

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Heather
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Really, I think that as much as it hurts, it seems to me that what he did in splitting up so you could both stop being so miserable was a really caring thing to do. Sometimes the most caring things we can do in a given situation are the toughest. So, I don't know if and when he'll text or not, but it sounds like he's been being very genuine of late, even when it is painful for him to be so.

I don't think going to the what-ifs are helpful. Just like I don't think they were over the months you and I talked about all the problems of this relationship, I don't think they are now. neither you nor I can predict the future, for one, but even if we could, that would address the future, not now. You need to deal with where you are now and take care of yourself in the now.

With your friends, do you have a sense of what you want and need with support from others right now? For instance, maybe you don't want people to say anything to you about this, you just need them to listen. maybe you just need hugs. maybe you just need company to watch movies and cry and eat ice cream or whatever.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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yeah, deep down i know it was. this is one of the reasons why i love him, hes caring.

i deleted him on facebook, i didnt do it to be nasty, but because i kept looking at his profile and it didnt do me any good. i dont want him to be hurt by that, i dont want him to think i hate him by doing that.

i want to dye my hair a completely different colour. and i want to buy new clothes, and i want to lose weight. i feel like being new, as cliche as that sounds.

i dont really know what i need. my friend took me to the cinema last night, that cheered me up lots, and i laughed during the film. but when i got home the bad feelings came back. cinema is so expensive now too, and im low on money. i tried going out at night, had a few drinks, the alcohol just made me cry, and talk to anyone about it who would listen.

i want to feel good about myself.

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Heather
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Making some superficial changes like getting a haircut or changing a color is a pretty common way of getting some self-comfort after a breakup. There's nothing wrong with that. Sounds like you've identified one clear thing you want to do for yourself, so go for it!

Making healthy changes to things like how you eat or how much exercise you get are also good ways of caring for yourself. Weight loss is something else entirely, as those things won't automatically result in that and that isn't always so healthy, but taking better care of yourself is always a plus.

I think doing what you needed to with the Facebook status to take care of yourself was also good self-care.

When you're alone, and without friends, have you tried journaling?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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okay, i will. i dont mean im going to starve myself or anything, although i have had absolutely no appetite since this happened. im going to take my contraceptive implant out, because i know it has mucked around with my body in a way that im not comfortable with. i should have got it removed ages ago.

so, you dont think im going to hurt him when he realises iv deleted him like that? when we spoke, he said he wouldnt delete me because he wasnt going to suddenly 'turn into an *******' about it, he doesnt want to hurt me. and here i am deleting him...

i used to keep a diary when i was alot younger and i used to feel sad and depressed. it kind of helped. i sort of want to write him a letter, one that i will never give him, but would write anyway?

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Heather
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I think if you're worried about hurting his feelings, it would be okay to just send a short note which says why you deleted him. I'd not ask for any return contact, maybe even make clear you want both of you to take the space you need, you just didn't want him to assume anything about you doing that which would hurt him.

I think letter-writing exercises like that can be really helpful, for sure.

Sounds like you actually have more of your own ideas about taking care of yourself in this than you thought! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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i sent him this:

i dont expect a reply to this, i just wanted to say that i havent unfriended you on here because im being a dick, or because im trying to be spiteful. but its because its hard for me to come on here and see you on here. i was even thinking of deactivating my fb for a while. i hope you understand x


hopefully thats ok? yeah i guess so, its still hard though. i miss him terribly.

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Heather
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I'm sure that's just fine.

And once more with feeling: this is fresh. It's going to hurt bad right now, just like in the first week after we break our leg, it's going to hurt a lot more than it will weeks, months or years later.

But you're also going to get through this. There are hard, painful things to get through in life, you know that. That's just part of living, and even though it sucks, they do offer us important things, including learning about things like our own resilience, like how to take care of ourselves well, like finding out different parts of who we are, like learning how to do relationships with people -- and ourselves -- better and better. But again, that's later stuff.

For right now, while this is all still fresh, all you really need to do is let yourself feel the feelings you are and do what works for you to comfort yourself and get through this tough spot.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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georgiexx
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i feel a little better after sending that, if not a bit panicked because i feel like i shouldnt have made any contact with him, seeing as he broke up with me, didnt know if it was appropriate.i just want to be mature about it, didnt want him to think im being spiteful and immature, kind of just saying oh well i dont need him anyway - delete! cos its not like that.

i think im gonna start with dying my hair.

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Heather
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Have fun (says a person with multi-colored hair)! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

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