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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Parental Help

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Author Topic: Parental Help
chibearsr#1
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Member # 52770

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I need help talking to my parents about birth control. The #1 reason I want it is to regulate my period. I get terrible PMS. I bleed heavily for five days and light for another two. My mood swings are terrible. I get bloated, severe breast tenderness, etc. I hate it. My mom insists her vitamins will fix this. But, I don't want that.
I will be going to college in August and I want to ensure I will be safe if I choose to have sex. It would be better to get used to birth control now. I don't turn 18 until August. I currently have a boyfriend of two months, to their knowledge, because we spent three months getting them to accept that he is four years older than I am. So, it has been five months, but they only think it has been two. We have had sex once, and don't plan on doing it again for a while because we want to be safe. There is a 50/50 chance we will attend the same college. However, the main reason I want it is because of my period.
My parents trust me, so they say. I am a great student (in the top ten of my class), and could get into Harvard, if I was interested in going there. I have never done anything wrong. However, they are "helicopter parents." They don't leave me alone. They refuse to see the points I make in my arguments. I would like to know if you can give me any suggestions on bringing this topic up to them. I know that they will say I am asking because of my boyfriend, even though my period has been a hassle for years. They said I was considering one of my colleges because my boyfriend is going there, even though I had it on my list before I knew him. That's how I'm sure they will say it is because of him. I cannot admit to them that we have had sexual relations. That is out of the question.
So, any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!

Posts: 25 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just so you're aware, birth control pills don't fix all menstrual problems and issues. They may help with yours, but they also may not. It really depends on why you're having those symptoms, so you'll want to talk to a GYN about this, let them do a bunch of tests, and see what they suggest.

I know that's maybe a bummer to hear if it was your strategy to get an okay on contraception from your folks, but a) your mother might have known that anyway, b) you can get contraception without their permission in the first place, and c) it sounds like you would probably benefit from being honest, if you decide to talk to them about this, about wanting to start now to prepare for college. Ideally, I'd suggest being honest with them full-stop, since they probably suspect the truth anyway, but if you're not willing to do that, I trust whatever your reasons are are sound.

So, how do you want to handle this? Do you want strategies on talking to them more realistically and honestly, or do you want to talk about getting reproductive healthcare and birth control on your own?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chibearsr#1
Neophyte
Member # 52770

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Well, I honestly doubt they suspect the truth, because this is my first serious relationship. But, I've found that any time I want to be honest with them, it backfires in my face. Whenever I do something "bad", it gets twisted and blown out of proportion. Most teens can stay out until curfew; I can't. Most teens can have their phone near them at all times; I can't. It's not that I have messed anything up big time. They just want to have a lot of control in my life. When I try to assert my independence, they generalize my situation with that of the rest of the teenage population. So while they say they encourage my independence, their actions seem to show otherwise. I may admittedly be looking at this situation from only one perspective, because it is not easy to see it from all sides, but I feel that I deserve more freedoms than I get.

In addition, I do not think they would approve of the "prepare for college" reason. It is a real reason of mine; I am in no way ready to have a child. I want to wait until I am out of college and have my life figured out. But, they don't really like to think of me having any sexual relations whatsoever, so I am sure they will not bite on that one.

I would like to be honest with them. I hate lies and avoid them as often as possible. I am usually a bluntly honest person. But, I do not think that being honest with them in this situation will get me anywhere. I have done hours of research on this topic, and in Illinois, I have seen that there isn't much of a way for me to get it without parental consent because I am under 18. There aren't any parenting centers near me. So, I am looking for any advice really.

Posts: 25 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chibearsr#1
Neophyte
Member # 52770

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Unfortunately, I think I am going to have to go around them on this one, as much as I hate to say it [Frown]
Posts: 25 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay.

In Illinois, you do not need to be 18 to get contraception without your parent's permission. The national Title X program, and its policies, still apply in your state (my home state, too!).

Want to toss me a zip code, and I can take a look for you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chibearsr#1
Neophyte
Member # 52770

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Well, I don't want to put my zip code online, for privacy reasons. But, I'll say the northern Chicagoland suburbs, if that helps. Thank you. I looked at Title X, and it said I needed a prescription. I wasn't sure how to get around that.
Posts: 25 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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You don't need permission from your parents to get a prescription. If you wanted to use their insurance to pay for the appointment or prescription, that's another story, but there are lots of clinics that offer services on a sliding scale, so you pay what you can afford.

Planned Parenthood, for example, is part of the Title X program, and they have several clinics in and around the Chicago area. You can do a search using zip code or city name on their website, here: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/illinois/

(Additionally, if you want to email us your zip code, that's fine too - you don't need to post it here.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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