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Author Topic: Communication and readiness
seawillow
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I'm currently in a relationship with a boy that has been going on for about half a year (or more) now. Up until recently we have never been very physical, opting to kiss and hold hands etc. Essentially nothing sexual. One time while we were together, he started to move his hand up my leg and I didn't push him away because I did feel ready to take this next step. However, he stopped himself and felt incredibly guilty. This episode has happened once more as well.

I'm trying to help him reach a more sex positive mind set. I do feel ready to start experimenting and his advances have not made me uncomfortable at all. How can I help to ease his worries about hurting me? He says that he also fears not having control of himself. I want to let him know that I'm not opposed to sexual things because he isn't either.

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KittenGoddess
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Have you taken a look at this article yet?

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

We've got lots of tips there about talking to a partner about sex. After you've looked at that, if you want to talk about how to address specific conversations, we'd be happy to do that with you!

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Sarah Liz

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seawillow
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Thanks. I have read that article multiple times. While I do know I need to get over my slight shyness. I really need help approaching his fear of hurting me and also this thing he has with 'losing control'. I know this is because he really cares for me(lucky me!) .I just need to know how to reassure him and reinforce the fact that I do know how and when to vocalize what I do and don't want and if something is hurting me. Is this self control issue common?
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KittenGoddess
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Have you asked him what he means by 'losing control'? That's a pretty unclear term. Is he concerned he's going to maul you or something? With any kind of sex, partners should be perfectly capable of listening to one another and controlling their actions. It's not like all ability to think and reason checks out when the clothes start coming off. If your partner is literally worried that he might be unable to hear you or unwilling to stop if you said to...then clearly that's something you'll want to spend some more time unpacking. And if a partner is not willing/able to stop if you said to, then that's not a person that it's safe to be with.

Can you ask what he means by 'losing control' and move the conversation forward that way?

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Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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