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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » I need HELP! I'm tired of WORRYING about this! (PLEASE READ THIS!!!)

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Author Topic: I need HELP! I'm tired of WORRYING about this! (PLEASE READ THIS!!!)
rosie777
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okay, so on and off for the past couple of months I've been worrying that I'm bisexual. When I was younger I was a tomboy but around 5th grade I changed and became more femenine because I wanted to. I'm a person who is prone to worrying about the stupidest, most insignificant stuff.
I've never had a dream of having sex with a woman. I don't want to. However, can you be aroused by women and still be straight?
I've done research and it shows that women have a bisexual arousal pattern. (Basically, girls get aroused by both men and women no matter their proclaimed sexual orientation).
I've always liked guys. Last year I was border line obsessed with a guy named Danny.
It used to be that I was worrying if i'd ever get a boyfriend, now it's if I'm bi.
Is it hormones, just my anatomy, or does it mean that I am bi?
Is it normal to look at other women? Is it a subcomcious way of comparing or me being bi?
I mean, hell, last night I had a dream that I was about to have sex with ryan gosling! But does that mean anything?
I know this may sound stupid, that there are kids and people with bigger issues than this but please, I would like someone to talk to me about this.
I don't think I am but any advice from someone who's been through this or has extensive knowledge conerning, would be much appreciated. P.S. If I wasn't clear please tell me and i'll try to go into more detail if it means more valuable advice.
Peace, Laugh, Love,
rosie

[ 07-08-2010, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: rosie777 ]

Posts: 8 | From: New Orleans, LA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
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Hi Rosie, Welcome to Scarleteen!

The best thing about orientation, is we get to identify with what we feel fits us best. Being bisexual would simply mean being *able* to be attracted to both men and women, but would never have to dictate who you choose to date or to be intimate with.

Everyone, both men and women, are somewhere on a spectrum with orientation. For instance, I identify as bisexual, but am often more attracted to men then to women, while my partner also identifies as bisexual but is more attracted to women. The thing is with attraction though? It's more than just a physical thing, it's mental and emotional attraction as well. Even people that identify as straight or gay are on that spectrum.

Sometimes looking at a person of the same gender doesn't mean an interest in them sexually at all. Sometimes it's about a healthy respect and admiration for the human body. Other times it's curiosity. But it's definitely more about what you feel comfortable identifying as, and where based on what you know of yourself, you feel you fit best. Tossing a link to you as well, if you want to take a look through it then we can chat some more if you'd like: The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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rosie777
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thanks! but please can you tell me something-I've talked to my mother about it and she says she never thought that I was bi. I don't think I am but I would like to know what you think-seeing how you are a bisexual. Do you think I'm straight? Or bicurious?

i sorta do this thing where i'll fantasize about a guy (usually eiter Ian Somerhadler or Ryan Gosling (; ) and then I'll psych myself out and fantasize about a girl. Then I gross myself out and go back to a guy. What is that?
how did you know that you were bi?

[ 07-08-2010, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: rosie777 ]

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Stephanie_1
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Honestly, the only person that can answer that is you. Because it's about how you feel. Do you feel attracted to other women emotionally, mentally, and physically? (Also, generally around ST we use the term questioning, because bicurious sometimes has some bad undertones to it).

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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rosie777
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oh! im sorry. I didn't know. what do you mean by mentally?
and as far as i'm aware, no. I've never wished that a girl would ask me out. I've never wished a girl would kiss me. I've always just liked girls as friends.
I feel more comfortable saying that i like guys-even though I've only had 1 boyfriend.
Really all this is is me wanting a better understanding of my sexuality.

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Stephanie_1
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If you've not found yourself attracted to other girls, then it's likely you're not. You know you're attracted to guys, and it's something you can tell without having to date someone. A person can know they're attracted to women or men and never dated anyone. It's all about how you feel. Just as I would still be bisexual if I didn't date any women, because I still knew I was attracted to both men and women.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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rosie777
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thank you, for your help. I know this must be one of the most commonly asked questions.
I feel like I do like guys but that I also have some physical attraction to women but thats it-it's not enough for me to want to date one. It's just a sexual thing. Does that make sense?
Thanks again for the advice. Sorry if im asking too many questions or repeating them a lot.
It's just like one day the thought passed through my head..."hmm...am i bi?" then i couldn't let it go and it blew up into this semi-huge thing.

[ 07-08-2010, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: rosie777 ]

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Stephanie_1
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The best thing to do honestly, is try not to let this question rule your life. It's a big thing, but it often takes some time to really figure out where you fit. And that's perfectly okay. And it may change over time as well. And like I said, it's really about what you think and feel, so if you feel you're bisexual - that's fine to identify as. If you feel straight fits better, that's great too. Same with questioning.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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rosie777
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thank you. that makes so much more sense that anything my mom or other websites told me. you have no idea how much you just helped me. [Smile]
Peace, Laugh, Love,
Rosie

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Stephanie_1
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You're very welcome [Smile]

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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