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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Help with Long Distance Relationship

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Author Topic: Help with Long Distance Relationship
CL25
Neophyte
Member # 46177

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Hey everyone,

My girlfriend and I just broke up. We were dating for almost a year, and everything was perfect except one thing; I'm up at college and she's a senior in high school, 4 hours away. We had made it work for so long and everything seemed to be going great. We had little fights as most couples do, but we continued with our love and made plans for my spring break and the summer.

I was home about 2 weeks ago and we had a great time. I had to leave on a Sunday, upset that I would probably not see her for almost a month. Secretly, she had told my parents she was going to surprise me this weekend by coming up to my school.

This past week, she started to act weird. She didn't wanna talk as much and we quickly lost all forms of communication. Sunday, we talked on the phone and she told me it just wasn't working anymore and we needed to break up. I couldn't understand after everything we had been through and all we had planned.

We've talked sparingly since then, and last night she basically told me that the only issue was the distance and living on a timeline. I know that's the unfortunately inevitable part of being in a long distance relationship, but I just feel like we should do something before letting this all go.

She quickly started "being together" with a guy a year younger than her and I think it might be just to get over us. The truth is, we still love each other and care for each other. She doesn't wanna talk until I get home for spring break, but I'm scared of losing my chance with her before that.

Is there anything I could do or say, anything to really show her how much I care? Or is trying that the worst possible thing. I've already wrote her messages and they don't seem to be doing anything. Could that be because she's denying her feelings, or is it that she just doesn't care about us anymore.

I don't know what to do and I feel so heartbroken. Everything had been going so well and she was the first girlfriend I actually really, really loved.

Please write back to me as soon as possible because I'm going crazy up at school.

-CL25 [Frown]

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CL

Posts: 1 | From: New York | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It may or may not help to hear this, but it's so common for relationships not to make it through the transition from high school to college, even when both people are the same age and both go to the same college. In other words, some of this may have been the distance, but some of it may have just been that particular transition, where a breakup in time is far more common than the relationship being sustained.

But it also sounds like an LDR just wasn't working for your girlfriend. It's a pity she dropped off with communication while she was likely working through all of this in her head and heart, and then just dropped a bomb, but a lot of people tend to do breakups that way, especially when they don't have a lot of relationship experience. [Frown]

Because she asked to break up, I don't think it's appropriate to keep trying to contact her or change her mind. I understand you're hurting, and that things felt like they were going well for you, but clearly, she didn't feel that same way. In other words, it seems like you two have felt differently about how the relationship was going or if it met your needs.

I don't think most people tend to ask for breakups out of denial. In other words, that they really want to be in a certain relationship with someone, but decide not to because they are denying those feelings. If she asked for a breakup, it's likely because how she feels is that that's what she wants.

I'm sorry that's resulted in heartbreak for you: breakups can be so rough, especially with the first people we love deeply and invest a lot in. This article might help some: Boys DO Cry: How To Deal With A Breakup Like A Man.

Do you have friends at school you can lean on for support in this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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