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Author Topic: Sexuality Questions
grummlinds
Neophyte
Member # 44884

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Hello,

I'm writing a blog on safe sex and sexuality and was looking for some information from people who are experts or have experience with this topic.

I feel like there isn't enough teen-focused sexual health information on the web so good for you and providing a forum for that.

Any information would be really appreciated!

1) What is sexuality?
2) How do you know if you're gay, lesbian or transgendered?
3) If you're gay or lesbian, how can you make sure to still practice safe sex?
4) What is the best advice you can give to someone who is confused with their sexuality and wants some reassurance?

Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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These are very big questions, and most don't lend themselves to simple answers. I mean, sexuality is, in essence interest in or concern with being or feeling sexual, but what sexuality is is made of a lot of things -- it's social, it's interpersonal, it's psychological, it's physical and physiological, it's biochemical, it's intellectual... -- and what sexuality is or is experienced as for one person can be radically different for the next.

However, I can link you to some pieces on site that may help if you get a bit more specific. You'll also find a very intensive and in-depth description of all that sexuality is in my/our book, so you might want to get your hands on that. What other books on sexuality and safer sex have you read to start doing this blog?

Per #2, Gender identity and orientation are different, but you can know you're gay, lesbian or bisexual (remember, we exist) the same way you can know if you're straight. You can know you're trans or genderqueer the same way you can know that you're not. Which is to say that it varies. Some people have a clear sense of these things from a very young age, others discover later, and plenty -- in terms of orientation -- may also shift through life, particularly when they're actually having interpersonal relationships.

Per #3, there's nothing different about safer sex practice for MSM or WSW than there is for MSW. We all still have the same parts and use barriers to cover them, we all get tested the same way.

Per #4, what do you mean by confused with their sexuality? What aspect of it? People can be confused by a LOT of sexuality, after all. One person may be confused about why they get erections, another by what their sexual fantasies are, another by their sexual identity, another by why they reach orgasm one way but not the other, etc.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
grummlinds
Neophyte
Member # 44884

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I wanted to thank you for your quick response. The information you provided me with was very helpful. I think the main reason I wanted to blog on safe sex is because first and foremost sex is fun to talk about and secondly I think it is amazing once you begin to talk about sex how little you find out you know!

I haven’t done much reading on the topic of sexuality yet, but I did email my schools LGBTQ association and got some great answers from them. I am really just looking for a variety of information so I can help others.

I think with question #4 I was more or less wanting some advice for kids who are confused with who they are and how that represents them. I feel as though there is so much backlash to the LGBTQ community that for some people it is a shame for them to come out as gay when it should be a relief that they no long have the burden of a secret to hold. I know that it’s a tricky topic to give guidance on, but it seems that people need reassurance today and I am unsure if I know how to provide that.

Also, I hope you don’t mind but I am going to mention your website and book as places to look for advice and help. I checked out the book on amazon and will probably pick one up, it seems like a good source to familiarize myself with the topic of sex and sexuality. Thanks for all your help. If you have any websites you think are other good sources of information please let me know.

Thank you again!

Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay, so were were talking about feeling confused about sexual orientation then?

If so, let's take the T out of there, because trans is about gender, not orientation, okay?

I think it can be helpful to recognize that even a lot of straight people don't know for sure they're straight: they just haven't asked the question. When we set up orientation as something where one orientation is default (hetero) and everything else is a variation, that -- all by itself -- is going to foster confusion, because instead of everyone asking, very broadly, "Who I am attracted to sexually and emotionally?" it's more a matter of "Am I straight or not?"

No orientation should ever need to be held as a secret: we are who we are. But because anything that's not-straight has been stigmatized, we wind up in the situation you're describing all too often. That's not the case for everyone, though: there are people for whom being queer was never something that was a secret held, with a coming out needed, because it's something that, like any orientation, just developed over time, with conversation throughout. Alas, that's not the experience of most queer people in the world yet. But it might be, someday.

Ultimately, there is no "default" orientation. There's a whole, wide spectrum, with very few people being 100% straight or 100% gay. There's no "normal" orientation: what's normal is that range and a world of variations.

It's also normal to be confused, because orientation is a process and something we suss out overtime, rather than overnight. We find out what our orientation is not just by our intuitive feelings, but by observing and feeling out our attractions and our interpersonal relationships over time.

In terms of other websites, if you go back to the main site, in each section you access though the top menu on the right, you'll see a square on the left. One of the links in it is for resources: those are all other sites or organizations on topic with that section.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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