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Author Topic: A crush on who?! o.o
Lunnellie
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Member # 44550

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So, this kind of post has been submitted before, but I really need help, and everyone needs different advice sometimes, too, right?

I'm a 15-year-old, female, freshman in high school.
And I have this teacher...

My teacher is also female. For some reason, I think I may have a crush on her...
She's great! She's nice, funny at times, loves acting (acting is my passion), she's my Lit. teacher, and I also think she's pretty. I've always
loved Lit. and acting.

Also, away from the classroom, she's just like another teenager almost. She acts almost like one and actually looks almost like one. I have no
idea what her age is, but I'm finding myself being slightly (at least slightly) attracted to her...(I also don't think she's over thirty, but
I'm not sure...)

I know I don't need to tell her (or anyone else for that matter), but I'm not sure what I'm feeling. It's confusing me A LOT.

I think I've also had slight crushes on previous teachers I've had since 5th grade, but I never questioned my sexuality until this year (before
school started, though). I am almost positive that I am bisexual, which makes matters a bit more understandable that I feel this way about my
teacher, but it also doesn't...(however, I label myself as bicurious at the moment).

I'm just REALLY confused...

This is the first crush I've had on a teacher that has been apparent to me. I haven't had any sexual thoughts about her...yet, but I think
that's because the crush is just beginning and/OR it's because I keep pushing all of these thoughts out of my head. Everytime my mind might
begin to wander to thinkng about her and everything, I push the thought out of my head and MAKE myself say "Eww" mentally, but actually, I'm
pretty sure that's not how I really feel...

I'm scared to have these thoughts, and it doesn't necessarily scare me having these feelings, but it does worry me a bit. I'm worried that my
feelings will grow more and more throughout the year and all years after this year (I'll see her at drama club since she's the director), and if
my feelings do grow more and more, that will lead to heartbreak...
She's not married and doesn't have a boyfriend (that I know of). Like I said before, she's almost exactly like a teenager, and I desperately
wish she was because then I would have at least a slight chance...
I'm also pretty sure she's straight and Christian (I'm not Christian, personally), so those are two other things that would prevent it.
And the two MAIN and BIGGEST problems are:

She's my TEACHER!
And, I don't know how old she is! She might be twice my age or more, for all I know!

Will someone please help me?? [Frown]

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Lunnellie
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Also, I've found myself thinking about her a lot...Since I think about her a lot, I end up mentioning her in common conversation it seems almost all the time around my friends, and I try not to do that!
If I do, I'm afraid it's going to become obvious, and that wouldn't be good at all...

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Even if you don't put religion, orientation, or anything else in the mix she is still your teacher. As such, even if she were only one year older than you it is inappropriate, not to mention something that would get her fired. It is alright to entertain these thoughts, but only if you realize nothing can come of this, SHE IS YOUR TEACHER!

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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Lunnellie
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Exactly why I'm not going to try anything whatsoever. I'm perfectly aware that she's my teacher and it's completely wrong.

I don't really understand why I'm having these feelings.
I know it's probably b/c I'm only a teenager, and it's my hormones, but it feels like more than that.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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(Moonlight, please remember that this area of the boards is for volunteer/staff-only replies. Thanks!)

I don't think our hormones actually have a whole lot to do with our feelings. I also don't think our age has much to do with our feelings.

You've made clear this is someone you admire, someone you like as a person, someone you feel like you can relate to, and someone who is an expert in two fields you have a lot of interest. Those are all pretty typical reasons for having strong feelings about someone, no matter what someone's age is or who that person is.

It's also really common for people of any age to get crushes on mentors or teachers: it usually comes down more to hero-worship than anything else, but the whole deal with crushes, overall, is that they're not reciprocal relationships, and are usually based more on our ideas of a person than the actual person. For example, you keep seeing her as a teenager, when if you knew her better, and in different contexts, that perception would likely fall away.

There's nothing wrong with having these feelings. Really, they are okay. And more often than not, what happens with any crush is that they just fade away over time as more of the reality of that whole person becomes clear AND the longer we just don't wind up in a romantic relationship with that person. Your worry this crush will grow out of control is probably needless: that could happen, sure, but it's not as likely as these feelings ebbing, especially if and when you develop interest in someone around your own age and with whom you CAN potentially have a romantic relationship of equals with.

Do you think your worries about these feelings are more about this specific crush or about sexual orientation fears and worries in general?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cupcake-a-saur
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Sorry, had to create a new account. :\
I had some password problems with the last one. >.>"
--

That makes sense that I would feel this way about her because of all of that. Thank you for explaining everything. [Smile]

And I think my worries are probably a little bit of both. I think they're about the crush because it's just so shocking that I feel this way. It's also alarming...I never thought I would ever have a crush on one of my teachers (male, maybe, but female, I never thought that). I think they're about sexual orientation worries and fears in general because being so young, I'm not sure if I just think I feel attracted to women also or if I am attracted to women also.

With the type of society now where being bisexual is considered "in" with some teens, I can't tell. I've done research and everything to see if I'm bi, but I never get any straight answers. Also, if I am bisexual, I would love to "come out of the closet," but living where I live, that's difficult to do.

If I did "come out," a lot of people in the school who used to respect me and hang out with me wouldn't look at me the same way, would try to stay away as discreetly as possible, and would be completely awkward to be around.
(I'm just glad I have my best friends who I know won't judge me for it. They're really the only people I can tell...)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, often what we need to find out what our orientation is is just time. Sounds like this is your first female crush. So, you give yourself some years, and you observe if you have more than this one.

Before you worry about what would happen if you come out, why not give yourself some more time to feel more secure in who you are, and what you strongly feel about your orientation? Chances are good that in even that relatively-short period of time, you'll have more clarity about your feelings towards women.

Again, crushes on teachers are very common: I'd say it's safe to say most people have had one at one point or another.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cupcake-a-saur
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Well, I've had one other girl crush this year, and it was a pretty big one. But I got over that one, and we're just friends now.

And I'll just keep thinking about what my orientation would be, which I think probably is bisexual, but I'm going to wait before I say I am.

That's understandable that crushes on teachers are very common.

Thank you so much for talking to me about this. ^^

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's my pleasure. [Smile]

When it comes to coming out, the thing to know is that it is all about what YOU need. If you feel like being out -- and you can come out as "questioning," you don't have to say "bisexual" if you don't feel that yet, or aren't feeling solid in it -- is something that will be helpful to you and meet your needs, then by all means, do. If you don't, or feel like now isn't the time, then you don't right now.

I don't know if personal anecdotes help, but I know for me (and I'm much older than y'all, so know this was a time before we really had any kind of cultural address of bisexuality or recognition), I came out after I'd already had a few crushes and a couple relationships with women. Had I had the language for bisexuality before then, and really realized that was what was going on, I may have come out sooner, but again, it really was a different time. The way I contextualized it all for myself before then, and before I had that language (I knew I liked girls as well as boys by the time I was 10) was just that I liked so-and-so and so-and-so and so-and-so. I didn't think too much about gender or what any of it meant, I only knew and felt that I liked who I liked, and knew I clearly wasn't lesbian, since I also liked boys.

But that's me. Just one example that might be food for thought for you.

[ 11-01-2009, 04:04 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cupcake-a-saur
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Member # 44556

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I love anecdotes. [Smile] They can be extremely helpful. ^^

And that seems like me. I know (now that I think back) that I've always had at least some sort of attraction to girls as well as guys. I've been thinking about my orientation over the beginning of this school year a lot, and I know I'm not lesbian b/c I've had many guy problems, but I can almost say now that I know I'm not straight.
I suppose I could call myself bisexual, but like you said, I don't feel like now is the time to come out, and I also don't feel like now is the time to say what orientation I am just yet.

I'm a person who gets confused very easily, so I have to know something and understand it before I can officially say how I feel about it. Which can get annoying. lol

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Ecofem
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Hey Cupcake!

I know you said you've already read up a lot on LGBT stuff and it sounds as if you have a really good handle on this, but I figured I share some Scarleteen articles if you haven't seen them yet. [Smile]

The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz
Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out
Living without Labels
I'm bisexual, so why don't I feel exactly the same about men and women?

[ 11-01-2009, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Cupcake-a-saur
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Member # 44556

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Thanks for linking those! [Big Grin]
I'll make sure and read them soon. ^^

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Ecofem
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Excellent! Please do let us know what you think. I realized one was a big link so I'm fixing it now. [Smile]
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