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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » lesbien, nervous, overweight and inexperienced

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i am 18 years old now nearly 19, im gay and have a girlfriend who is 26 and has a child. i am overweight weighing about 11 stone and only being 5 ft3 i have always been unconfident about my weight and never like to show off my body so when i have sex with my girlfriend its always missionary because i dont want to get ontop of her or into any positions that would ake my body look even more fat. i have been with 1 girl before but there was no forplay we just went straight into it ... it was both our first times in y last relationship but nothing changed and i still do now feel confidet and dont know where to start with forplay... my partner is very sexually active and and likes to experiment with a lot of things and after 5 months we still have not reely had sex because she is the one giving it all ... i have started to wear babydolls for her cause i know she likes it but i get nervous about when i should wear it . we have had had arguments so much that we are on the verge of splitting upp because of it and i realy doont want to. im also unsure if i have had an orgasm ... there was time it felt different wth my current girlfriend but i did not come i just went numb ? is that an orgasm ? it says on this website that if i want to get further on with my partner nd be more confident about sex then i need to be onfident with my own body and msturbate but i not very createive and seem to do the same thing all the time ... the feeling gets strong but then it just stays the sme and i dont come ... but i dont get horny tht offen and i dont actually have a fantasy to fantasise about! im confused about everything plese help!!!!!!!
Posts: 1 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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While it isn't to say that male partners can't be totally accepting and appreciative of female partner's bodies as is (they can, and many are), it's also fair to say that women with female partners often tend to have even less challenges with that. In other words, having a female partner already puts you in a place that generally makes it easier to get to body acceptance. We know that anecdotally, but some data also supports that soundly: for instance, lesbian women have less cosmetic surgeries than any other group, even straight men.

You're also with someone who has given birth, so she's going to know ALL about body changes and insecurities.

But positive body image generally can't come from anyone else. Partners and others can help support and nurture that, but they can't make it happen FOR us, we need to do that ourselves.

You're describing a weight that is actually not very overweight at all: for some body frames, that'll actually be just right, and not overweight, period. So, have you started by first talking to your doctor to see if you even ARE overweight, and if he or she would suggest things like limiting certain foods and getting more activity? Even if you haven't just getting more active tends to make us feel better about and in our bodies, even when it doesn't result in weight changes. What do you do with your body that's about what t can DO, rather than how it looks, that makes you feel good?

In terms of trying sexual things, and learning to initiate, with your partner, that's one of those things where you just have to take the plunge and try.

As a P.S., if it helps at all to know, I'm about your same height as you are. I used to teach women's kickboxing part-time, and also train several times a week while doing so for myself, and during those times -- which I'd say are the fittest I get, as boxing is one of the toughest workouts there is -- that's about what I weigh. In other words, you know at least one woman your size who is in peak physical condition at that weight. And if I do say so myself, I looked amazing. [Smile]

[ 10-05-2009, 06:39 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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