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Author Topic: Pregnant
crzyinfla
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So I just found out via a home pregnancy test that I am pregnant. I have a dr's appt on the 13th to confirm it and at that point me and the father are going to discuss our options. And to be honest I dont know what I want to do. I don't want to raise a baby with out a father figure even if me and that person arent together and I am kind of iffy on the fathers credibility in that area. He's a great guy but kind of immature when it comes to certain things. I would just like information on all of my options before I go to the dr.
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Heather
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crazyinfla, unfortunately, after early tomorrow morning, I'm going to be AWOL until Thursday night. So, I'm glad to start discussing your options with you, there just might be a very long pause in there.

We can start with the absolute basics: as you probably already know, when pregnant, you have three options when it comes to what you can do about the pregnancy. You can choose to remain pregnant, deliver and parent, do the first two but then enter into an adoption agreement, or terminate a pregnancy via abortion.

I know you were reporting unprotected sex back in May: is this a pregnancy from back then? When was your last menstrual period? How far along you are obviously matters, especially when it comes to terminating, if that's something you want to consider.

What are your feelings about those three options right now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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crzyinfla
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my last period started May 31st and ended june 4th.
Honestly, I think I could have an abortion or raise a child. I couldn't carry a baby for 9 months and then give it up for adoption. I think that I would be a good mother even if I'm only 18. But I want my children, whether I have them now or later on, to have a father. I grew up with out one and I don't want to do that to my kids

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Heather
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Okay, so you're probably around 9-10 weeks, still in your first trimester. That's good, because all of your options are still very accessible, whether that's terminating or starting with prenatal care nice and early.

I think it's really important to understand that one thing no woman can control is if their children have a father who is present and who earnestly co-parents. You certainly can talk to the biological father to find out how he feels and what he is willing to say he'll commit to, and you can make some judgments of your own based on what you know of him, per if he'll stick around and what kind of parent he might be (will he be a real co-parent, or another child for you to take care of?). But what you can't do is tell the future, now or ever.

So, while I hear and understand your ideal in terms of parenting, in my experience, it's best to make these choices understanding that if you choose to parent, at any time in your life, you may always be choosing to parent without a co-parent, period, or at some point. In other words, when making your choices with this around possible parenting, I'd try and envision yourself -- emotionally, financially, practically -- as a sole parent as well as one with a partner who helps with parenting.

Between the two options you say you feel best about, is there any one you feel more strongly about? Mind, before we dig too deep here, it might be best you talk with this guy first to get a better feel for the stuff with him.

I'd also suggest looking -- perhaps together -- at this to help inform our conversation and help clarify your feelings and possibilities: http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/pregnant.htm

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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crzyinfla
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He wants to wait until I have a doctors note saying that I am pregnant to talk about anything. We arent together anymore so he's skeptical on whether or not im telling the truth, which is understandable because girls do that alot. Like I said I have a dr appt on the 13th and after that he said we can talk about our options. The first thing he asked was if i wanted to keep it and I told him I didn't know because I really don't know. I'm open to abortion but I cant exactly afford it right now or any time in the near future living on my own with a job as a waitress.
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Heather
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I'm heading to bed shortly, but wanted to check in once more before then.

Go ahead and look at that options workbook if you're still up a bit, okay? Sit on that and some of these thoughts for another day or so, and I'll check back in Thursday night as soon as I'm home, okay?

Just to inject some more based on this post before I go: personally, I'm concerned what this guy is sounding like already. To me, just based on my impressions per what you have said so far and his response to your pregnancy, this just isn't sounding like a supportive co-parent, nor someone who cares for you in any way. Co-parents don't have to be together as a couple to work well at it for kids and each other, but some semblance of respect and care for each other is going to be pretty essential. So, I'd think about that in your choices.

Per abortion, unlike parenting to some degree, money really is less of an issue. An abortion costs a whole lot less than raising a kid does, and if that's what you decide to do I'm glad to help you look into some funds there are for abortions for women in Florida (I'd also be happy to help you look into financial resources should you choose to parent). Point is, both of these choices will involve finances and costs: both may be challenging financially at this stage of your life and with the job you've got right now.

Before going to costs for either of your choices, I'd suggest focusing on your feelings about both of them in terms of the whole of your life, what you would or wouldn't want for yourself and a child, what your ideals look like, how both choices sit in your gut and your heart, okay?

Hang in there with this. You do have time to consider all your choices at this point, and be sure to give yourself whatever latitude you need as you do. I'll be back the day after tomorrow and can be here to talk to you for as many days as you need. If you want to start making a list of questions about any part of either or both those choices, I'll be glad to help answer them when I'm back. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

[ 08-04-2009, 11:16 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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crzyinfla
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We talked about it and he's willing to pay for an abortion and support me through it because we both know its going to be hard, but he said he's not ready for a child right now because he's going away for college in a few weeks and if he has kids he wants to be there for the whole process. whether any of that is a load of bull I'll never know.
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Heather
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Just passing through this morning (will be back with more time to talk if you like tonight), but again, setting finances aside, the big question is, how do you feel about that?

Is an abortion something you feel would be your best choice, or do you want to still keep talking about making a choice between abortion and parenting?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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crzyinfla
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I think abortion would be the right choice given my circumstances. I think that I would be a good parent. But not right now where my life isn't stable. I work odd hours.
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Heather
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I'm around now if you want to chat on and off tonight.

I hear you on the things informing your choice: many people want to wait for parenting until they feel able to parent, which I thin k is really responsible. So, if you're leaning towards abortion, do you have any questions about any aspect of it? Do you need any help with finding a clinic or funding?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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crzyinfla
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The father is going to pay for the abortion and im going to go through my doctor to find a good clinic.
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crzyinfla
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So I went to the doctor today and they said that I wasn't pregnant or at least according to their test I'm not. I told them I have missed two periods and that I had a EPT say that I was pregnant and they said it was a false positive and that they don't know why I have missed two periods. They prescribed me with ortho tricyclen lo and told me to start taking it today and that if i am pregnant that it wont harm the baby and that if i still havent had my period by my appt for a refill and a pap(they only tested me for stds today because my yearly is in 2 months) in october that they will test again and if it still says im not pregnant that they will send me to a different doc to test for other things.
What I want to know is what else makes you not have a period for 2 months other than being pregnant

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