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Author Topic: How to :/
Member # 43046

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I have thought through my readiness and willingness for intercourse. I have found that I am prepared.
There's a problem, though. My "significant other" has tried to break my hymen several times, but each time, I pull away with force as a reflex. We have tried male on top of female and-pardon my language-doggy style. He asked me to try on top of him, but I denied him the proposal because I knew that I would not be able to lower myself past the point of pain.

The reason I push away is because the pressure on my hymen feels excruciating. Please help.:/

Posts: 3 | From: Here:) | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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The hymen doesn't actually need to be broken. For most women in their teens -- especially the later teens -- it's already partially eroded, and at the very least, has microopenings to let menstrual flow and vaginal secretions through.

So, a few things: if you're "at" intercourse, have you two not before this spent time with other genital sexual activities, like oral sex or manual sex (fingering, which isn't just about fingers in the vagina)? How about you spending time with masturbation? If you really haven't, it may well be that this isn't about your hymen at all, but about attempting intercourse when you are not aroused enough. Obviously, you're not relaxed either. Being both relaxed and aroused is what makes the vaginal muscles and opening loosen and the vagina self-lubricate so that entry does feel good and is not painful. Spending time with those activities probably would also get you both more familiar with your sexual responses and your genitals, and help you to become more relaxed.

Next up, even if you do still have a partial hymen, it's very stretchy tissue, so should not be that painful when you ARE relaxed and aroused, and have been gradual with entry. if it IS horrendously painful, if you HAVE done those other activities and ARE highly aroused, it may be that you have what's called a resilient hymen. That's when there is tissue that is not flexible and doesn't wear away gradually as it should.

If that's the case, intercourse not only probably will NOT "break" it, but for sure, trying to is going to be painful as hell, and not likely result in successful entry. if that's the case, what you need to do is see your sexual healthcare provider who can assess this. If you do have a resilient hymen, what you may need is a simple, outpatient procedure called a hymenectomy, in which a small incision is made in the hymenal tissue. A penis can't act like a scalpel, and you probably really don't want it to, anyway.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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