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Author Topic: Advice on sex issues
Member # 42842

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Hello, I am really needing some advice and I came across this website so I hope yall can help me. I am having issues with me and my boyfriends sex life. I am 19 and he is 20 and we have been dating for 2 and a half years and we have been having sex for about nine months now. In the past few months I have noticed that he has been losing interest in sex. We will start out strong(usually) and then he literally loses interest. He will start joking around about stuff and start talking to me like we are having a normal conversation which is obviously a major turn off. I honestly can't remember the last time that we actually finished (aka him cumming) because he will go to the bathroom or someone will call or he will just start playing a video game or something. In the past I have not said anything about it, I just let it go. However, a couple of days ago I was just so hurt that I said something. We were fooling around and it had started off strong and then someone knocked on the door and he got dressed and went and answered it and I was just waiting for him to come back to bed. Then he walks in the room past me and sits down at his desk and starts playing a video game and started talking to me about the game. So then I am sitting in the bed naked staring at him like "what the hell?" and he said "Oh, I guess this is a bad time to do this.." and I just said, "No, you now what it is fine, just play your game." Then I just got dressed and gave him the cold shoulder for the next few hours and he came up to me and was acting like he didn't know why I was upset. I started crying and told him that I felt like he didn't like having sex with me any more and he said "you want to know the truth? I just want to have safer sex"(we usually start without a condom and then put one on after a bit) and I was just like "OK" and then I told him that I didn't even feel like we should have sex anymore because it was obvious that he doesn't enjoy it and we aren't very responsible about birth control. Then he was just all like, "Oh no, don't say that, we should still have sex blah blah blah." Now I don't know what to do. I do truly love him, but I am so hurt by this whole situation. Not to sound vain or anything but I am decent looking and I have a nice body so I don't know why he is acting like this. His whole excuse of "I just want to use safer sex" is bull because if that was really the issue he would just put a condom on to begin with. It feels good to talk about this to someone because I don't really have any other friends other then my boyfriend. I am shy and I'm just not really a social person. I honestly have no idea where to go from here. I don't know what has caused this sudden loss of interest and it just makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Every time we try to have sex I just end up feeling ugly and useless. At this point I am considering giving up sex with him for a while because I am so torn up about this. I don't want to have to do that though because I really do like sex, we had a great sex life before all this junk started. What should I do? Any ideas on what could be causing this? I am grateful for any insight!
Posts: 2 | From: nc | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
crazy cat lady in the making
Member # 41923

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I cant offer any advice, but i just had to share with you that i am very happy that you said, "..I am decent looking and I have a nice body.."

Body image is a huge problem with a lot of girls, and people like you who say those things hlep me become more comfortable with myself. its time people learn you dont need to be anorexic to be pretty.

thank you.

Posts: 16 | From: Washington | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42842

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Thank you for saying that! Sometimes I get self concious too and it is hard, especially with the situation I am currently in with my boyfriend. But your words of encouragement really help me. You made my night! [Smile]
Posts: 2 | From: nc | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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First of all, I would encourage you to stop thinking of this in terms of something that you have done wrong, or of you not being attractive enough to keep his interest. You say that you two have had a good sexual relationship, so that's obviously not what the problem is. It sounds more like something has changed for your partner.

If you don't feel comfortable engaging in sexual acts with him at this point, because him stopping halfway through makes you feel rejected, then you can absolutely tell him that, and suggest that you take a break for a while.

But what I think is most important here, is that you two talk about it. I know you've tried to have that conversation with him, but that strikes me as having been bad timing (you gave him the silent treatment, he got defensive, etc) and I'd suggest that you approach him at a time when you two are just hanging out and there's no sexual component involved. And then explain to him how you feel (heck, you can even print out this post and show him, if you're not sure you can explain yourself properly).

If this really is all about fears of pregnancy and STI, then that's easily remedied: there are so many different types of birth control out there, and ways to combine them, and you two can talk about that and see what's best for you, and start to use it.

I want to leave you with a couple of articles that you might find helpful:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Birth Control Bingo!

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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