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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » sexual anxiety?

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Author Topic: sexual anxiety?
londoncalling
Neophyte
Member # 33702

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Hello,
I'm 19 years old and a sophomore in college. I have had 1 sexual partner, a girlfriend I dated for about a year. We had sex very frequently and everything was more or less normal. Recently I've encountered an embarrassing problem. One night a girl I had been talking to and I started fooling around and eventually led up to sex. I was very nervous I recall as it was my second person to have sex with. We began having sex and everything was fine but after about 5 minutes I went kind of semi-flaccid and couldn't get hard enough to have sex. We were both pretty inebriated so I thought perhaps therein lied the reason.

About a week later (both of us sober) we decided to have sex again. This time I was incredibly nervous because I didn't want what happened before to happen again. But lo and behold it happened again, and yet this time I couldn't even get hard enough to initiate sex. So stressful...any good advice?

Thanks

Posts: 13 | From: Kansas | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's not at all atypical, when you have a stressful thing happen in one context once, to feel stressed out and have anxiety when you find yourself in that context again, because our minds do tend to expect history to repeat itself. [Smile]

You describe being nervous both times, and being inebriated once, as well. All of this is very likely to result in decreased sexual response.

So, what do you perhaps tell yourself from here on out? Well, I'd start with the fact of knowing that our bodies are going to do what they do, and whatever that is is okay. If, for instance, you're not getting or staying hard on a given day, then one supposes that's just not a day for sex which involves your penis: lucky for you (and anyone else) your body is a lot bigger than being just one part. Even just being mindful about that can also help you not get so stressed out when penile sex IS on the table as an option or something wanted.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Also, have you see this: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/upstairs_downstairs

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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