Hi Scarleteen! My boyfriend and I have been together nearly three years. Neither of us have EVER been with anyone else and the farthest we've ever gone is manual sex. He brought up oral a few weeks ago and I declined because we're not ready yet. I told him I wanted to eventually, and I've thought about it, but I wasn't sure if we're ready. He gave me no trouble about it and said he wouldn't rush me into anything. And he hasn't talked about it since then. I've been thinking about this for a long time. If the mood is right and I think we're ready for the step up, I want to go down on him as a surprise on our third anniversary. He's been an amazing boyfriend and he totally deserves this unexpected pleasure. Since neither of us have ever been with anyone else, is protection really necessary here? He doesn't have cold sores or anything and I'll make sure neither of us have any open cuts or anything like that. I might sound careless, but I don't see why either of us would need to use condoms or plastic wraps. I know you may say, well there's no way you can tell if he's been with anyone else, trust me. We've never cheated on each other.
and because I know he'll return the favor, I have another teeny question. when we've talked about oral before, he said he wouldn't care care if he finishes in my mouth. And I wouldn't like for him to finish in my mouth, either. so I'm thinking the most that will be in my mouth will be pre-ejaculate. If we make out after I go down on him, and there's pre-ejaculate or even a little bit of semen in my mouth, and he goes down on me immediately after, should I worry about pregnancy?
Thanks so much! I want to be clear headed before we move up in our relationship.
EDITT- one more question. If either of us DID have anything, would it already be transmitted since we use saliva as lubricant during manual sex?
If neither of you have had sexual contact with anyone else besides each other, then your risks of carrying an STI are already very low. But do keep in mind that some STIs are transmitted in nonsexual ways, such as the transmission of oral herpes, which can be transmitted by sharing a drink with an infected person.
It's best to get on the road as safely as possible and just use a condom and dams or plastic wrap. It is your decision, but it's always great to get started on the right foot. You both can start scheduling STI screenings soon, though, just to get in the habit.(After two negative STI screenings, six months apart, and with both partners having been monogamous, it's generally safe to stop using barriers.)
As per your second question, when you have to start mapping the route of pre-ejaculate, you're not looking at a viable pregnancy risk. The sperm are just not able to go into your mouth, into his, and then onto your genitals to present a risk. (I believe infections like herpes could be transmitted from saliva to the penis, but I'm not sure on that one.)
"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007
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I was under the impression that most STDs and STIs can't be transmitted through just saliva alone. There would have to be blood, semen, or vaginal fluids present, I thought. He had cold sores in like, 7th grade (three years ago) and I'm pretty sure if he had herpes now, it'd be pretty obvious because his sores were obvious. We don't share drinks with people other than ourselves.
It's not like if we don't use barriers now, we won't ever again for the rest of our lives. and I'm not saying that you implied that.
and I edited my first post with this: one more question. If either of us DID have anything, would it already be transmitted since we use saliva as lubricant during manual sex? since there are other bodily fluids involved there, too.
okay, another question. Since you can get HSV-1 from nonsexual contact.. If either of us DID have anything like oral herpes, and since we've been together so long, wouldn't we already have passed it between ourselves just orally? if that makes sense. because I read the STI file for herpes on this website a few minutes ago. Near the end, it said you should get checked even before you start kissing someone because it can be transmitted that way. I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm just wondering why we should be worried about getting an infection on our genitals if we've been making out for years and both of us have had no sores or infections orally since we started dating. It doesn't make sense to me.
Some STIs are transmitted by fluids, and others by skin-to-skin contact. Herpes is not fluid-transmitted: it is contact transmitted. Once a person has herpes, they have it for life, so since he had cold sores, he has oral herpes. It's understood that herpes is most frequently transmitted when there is an actual outbreak (a sore) or one is one the way, but it's also known that it can be transmitted even without an active sore.
Transmission by using saliaa as a lubricant is not something I understand to be a viable herpes risk.
Might he have already transmitted oral herpes to you by, say, kissing? Maybe. But maybe not. So, best to use barriers for oral, vaginal and/or anal sex and to keep an eye out for cold sores.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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lol, thank you for your reply and your concern! Today I asked him about his cold sores and I guess I had it wrong? His dentist told him it wasn't herpes, but some other kind of infection that went away with treatment. In another part of our discussion, we decided to wait until we have oral sex. We probably won't need to worry about it for a while. The step up just isn't necessary right now. see, I thought if he had oral herpes, I would have already gotten it, too. but I've never in my life had a cold sore. I figure we'll be older when we do have oral sex. We're both fifteen right now and I'm thinking if we want to have oral sex in a few years, we SHOULD get screened first, just to be safe. And that will be more of a possibility for us, to get screened, when we can drive. so, thank you so much for your informative replies and suggestions! Rest assured we've decided to wait & when we do do it, we'll be safe.
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