Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » need some advice

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: need some advice
dancrgrl
Activist
Member # 34980

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dancrgrl         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I know I've posted about this before, but my boyfriend and I have debated having sex without a condom several times within the last six months or so. I know that we should get STI tests first, and we've discussed it and he has agreed to do it if we decide to do this. And I know that since I've been on the pill for a while and take it everyday when I'm supposed to that I'm protected, but I can't help but be paranoid. The fact that there's even the slightest chance I could get pregnant scares me. And while my boyfriend is in no way pressuring me to do anything I don't want to do (he would really like to try it but just brings it up to see what my thoughts are), I feel torn. On one hand I am just as curious as he is to see what it's like, but it does scare me. I'm just confused because I've also brought it up to him before and been very interested in trying, and now I'm regressing...which I feel is also giving him mixed signals. Sorry if I'm rambling and this makes no sense.

Also, I've heard different things about whether sex without condoms feels different than with condoms. I've heard and read that it's not much different at all in terms of sensation, but then friends of mine who have experienced it have raved about how much better it is. Does it depend on the person, or is it more of a mind over matter kind of situation?

I"m just looking for some advice because while I'm really scared to try, it is something that I would like to share with him.

--------------------
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" -Helen Keller

Posts: 76 | From: New York, USA | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The failure rate of the pill, if used correctly, is less than 1%. Those are pretty good odds. However, the chance does remain, and many people feel uncomfortable relying on only one method of birth control. And really, since sex is about letting go and being able to relax, you should do everything you can to feel protected. If you're worrying about getting pregnant, you'll have a hard time relaxing.

Does sex really feel that different without a condom? Not so much, no.

If you're feeling scared to try this right now, then don't. This is how you feel right now, and when it comes to sex, we should always respect our feelings and our boundaries. And this doesn't mean that you'll never go condom-less - it just means that, for right now, you don't feel comfortable taking that risk.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9186 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dancrgrl
Activist
Member # 34980

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dancrgrl         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks, September. I just feel like I'm letting him down in some way, because he wants to do it and I'm hesitant. Even though he reassured me a thousand times that there is no way he's disappointed in me and it's really not that big of a deal if I don't want to try. This is really bothering me for some reason, and I'm not sure why.

Also, I understand that the failure rate of the pill is less than one percent...but if the pill stops ovulation and I take my pill at the same time everyday, wouldn't I not have a problem? Is the failure rate just for people who are not careful with their pill?

As far as STI testing...is it a blood test? I'm not quite sure what it entails. Also, I know that even though my boyfriend and I are each other's first sexual partner that there could be a small risk of STI transmission...however, if neither of us has ever had a problem or outbreak of any kind, is the test absolutely necessary?

Thanks again!

--------------------
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" -Helen Keller

Posts: 76 | From: New York, USA | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A caring, decent partner won't want to engage in a sexual activity with you that you're not 110% into. And in a good sexual relationship, that goes both ways - both partners will at one point or another have a sexual activity they don't want to engage in, and that should be perfectly fine. So there is no reason for you to feel bad about this.

The failure rate of the pill with average use is around 8% - an average user is someone who takes the pill late every once in a while or misses a pill completely, or takes medication that can interfere with the birth control and forgets to back up. The less-than-1% failure rate is for a perfect user - someone who takes the pill at the same time every day, with no missed or late pills, and who makes sure not to compromise the protection.

And we've got an article on how STI tests work here:
Testing, Testing...

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9186 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen